In this short video, I explain how ADHD can quietly turn two partners into boss and employee, and how online sessions help you become a team again.
You can also send me an email
Online ADHD couples therapy is for English-speaking couples, anywhere in the world, where ADHD in one or both of you shapes daily life. We meet by video, at an hour that suits your time zone, and work on the reminding, the forgetting, the fast tempers and the slow build-up of resentment.
The aim is not to fix the partner with ADHD. It is to understand how ADHD and the pattern between you feed each other, and to build agreements and simple systems that work for both brains in your home.
This page sits under online neurodiverse couples therapy. If your partner will not take part, see online ADHD couples therapy alone. You can ask for a free 30-minute call, book a session, read my client policy or write to me.
Online ADHD couples therapy is for English-speaking couples, wherever you live, who take part together and where ADHD in one or both of you shapes daily life.
Another page may suit you better if one of these sounds like you.
You can also send me an email
These reviews describe clients’ experiences of working with me. They come from my wider practice and do not all relate to online sessions. Each person’s experience is their own, and a review does not promise a particular outcome.
“With the neurodiverse couples I work with, I see ADHD again and again turn two loving partners into manager and employee. Underneath, the organising partner is often asking ‘Can I ever lean on you?’, while the partner with ADHD is asking ‘Will I ever be good enough for you?’. Some people feel ‘Help me’ and ‘Stop telling me what to do’ in the same breath. When those questions are said out loud, the partnership can start again.”
Mark Colclough, MA, psychotherapist and EFT couples therapist
I am Mark Colclough, MA. I have practised since 2004 and offer online psychotherapy and couples therapy in English.
My training brings together your emotions, your thoughts and your relationships. My deep passion is the moment when what happens between you finally makes sense, to each of you and to each other. I have lived and worked in nine countries, so I know something of life across languages, cultures and borders.
Read about my background, or explore online psychotherapy and online couples therapy.
I meet regularly with experienced psychotherapists to reflect on my work, question my understanding and develop my skills. Supervision is part of the professional care I bring to individual and couples work, including online sessions.
My focus is thoughtful practice, integrity and responsibility.
You are welcome to ask about the kind of support you need.
Tell me where you are based and your time zone. We can then consider whether online sessions together are suitable.
Chloe and Ben live in London and have two young children. Ben has ADHD. Chloe runs the calendar, the shopping and the school messages, and sends Ben lists during the day. Ben forgets half of them, then avoids her when he gets home. Chloe feels like a single parent with an extra child. Ben feels like a failure in his own house.
In our online sessions they see the loop clearly: the more Chloe reminds, the more Ben hides, and the more Ben hides, the more Chloe reminds. They move the family planning onto a shared board, agree that Ben owns three tasks completely, and set a weekly half-hour to plan together, with tea and no phones.
I have presented this clinical example as a compound of 22 years of clinical practice.
ADHD is real. So is the pattern it creates between two people who love each other.
Many couples arrive after years of the same story. One partner keeps the calendar, the bills and the school messages in their head. The other loses track, feels nagged and starts to hide mistakes. Both feel alone.
Online ADHD couples therapy helps you see that story as a shared pattern instead of a character flaw, and change it from both ends.
If you are the one holding everything together, you may feel more like a parent or a project manager than a partner. Every reminder you send makes you feel less loved, and less loving.
We look at how that role grew and how to hand parts of it back without everything collapsing.
A missed appointment or an unpaid bill can feel deeply personal to the partner without ADHD. To the partner with ADHD, it is a slip of attention, not a statement about love.
We separate the meaning from the mistake, so you can deal with the task and still feel cared for.
ADHD can bring quick, hot reactions that are over for one partner in minutes, while the other is still shaking hours later.
We learn how each of you comes down from a flare-up, and how to repair before the evening is lost.
After years of correction, many partners with ADHD stop raising things at all. Silence feels safer than another conversation about what went wrong.
We make it safe enough to talk again, by changing how problems are raised, not by asking anyone to try harder.
Shopping lists, rotas and reminders can slowly push out fun, flirting and spontaneity. You run a household well together and barely meet as lovers.
We make room for closeness again, and for the playful side of ADHD that may once have drawn you to each other.
When the same fight has run for years, hope wears thin on both sides.
I will not promise miracles. I will show you what is actually driving the loop, and what can realistically change.
Recognise this? Request a call or book a session, and we will look at your pattern together.
You can also send me an email
Tell me briefly what kind of support you are looking for.
Include your country and time zone so we can discuss whether online work together is possible and find a suitable time.
You do not need to explain your whole story in your first message.
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Understanding ADHD helps. Changing what happens on a Tuesday evening helps more.
In online ADHD couples therapy we work on two levels. One is emotional: the hurt, shame and resentment that have built up. The other is practical: who holds which task, how reminders are given and how plans are made.
Both levels matter. Systems without understanding feel like control. Understanding without systems changes nothing on Monday.
We take one typical blow-up, for example a forgotten pick-up, and replay it slowly. What did each of you expect, notice and feel? Where did ADHD play a part, and where did the old pattern take over?
Yes. The organising partner learns to stop rescuing at the first wobble. The partner with ADHD learns to own the tasks they take on, in their own way. Each change makes the other easier.
Yes. We practise naming a problem as a shared task instead of a judgement, for example ‘the bills slipped again, how do we catch them next month?’ rather than ‘you never do anything’.
Yes. We build a few simple systems that live outside anyone’s head: shared calendars, visible lists, agreed check-in times. The test is whether they still work in a busy week.
Often, yes. Years of let-downs and criticism leave marks on both partners. We look at the worst moments with what you now understand, so the hurt can be acknowledged and the blame can soften.
Two adults sharing the load in different ways. Fewer reminders, less shame and more room for the warmth and energy that ADHD can also bring to a relationship.
You can also send me an email
You do not need to agree on how much ADHD explains. We start with what is happening at home.
In the first sessions I learn how ADHD shows up in your daily life, what you have already tried and what each of you hopes for. If something else would help more, for example online psychotherapy for one of you, I will say so.
The first session lasts two hours by video, with breaks whenever they help. Each of you describes a typical bad day. By the end we have a picture of the loop and one or two first experiments to try.
I keep sessions structured, sum up at the end and can send a short written summary afterwards. Moving around, fidgeting or standing up during the call is fine, and so is writing a thought in the chat before you lose it.
Occasionally. A short individual session can help one of you say something that is hard to say with the other listening. I explain first how it works and what stays private.
Usually every two to three weeks. That gives you time to test new systems at home. If you prefer a concentrated start, back-to-back online neurodiverse couples therapy is an option.
ADHD couples work tends to run over a series of sessions, and a bundle also takes away the job of remembering to book again. A therapy bundle lowers the price per session. You can see the bundle cards below.
Rows are shorter and rarer, tasks get done without a fight and you feel like partners again. When that holds at home, we decide together how to finish.
Weighing your options? Here are the closest pages.
| Option | Choose it when | Pace |
|---|---|---|
| Online ADHD couples therapy (this page) | You take part together; ADHD is central. | 2 hours, every two to three weeks |
| Online ADHD couples therapy alone | Your partner will not take part. | 1-hour sessions on your own |
| Online AuDHD couples therapy | Autism is part of it too. | 2-hour sessions |
| Online neurodiverse couples therapy | Several profiles, or no clear label. | 2-hour sessions |
It is couples therapy by video, in English, for couples where ADHD in one or both partners strains the relationship. It combines work on the emotional pattern between you with practical agreements about tasks, time and plans.
No. It works whether one of you has ADHD or both do. When both partners have ADHD, the pattern looks different, and we work with that.
No. Many couples come with a strong suspicion or a recent diagnosis. We work with what you notice in everyday life.
No. I take the organiser’s exhaustion seriously, and I take the shame of the partner with ADHD just as seriously. Neither of you is the problem. The pattern is.
Yes. Money, chores, time-keeping and screen use are where ADHD often hits hardest. We look for agreements that fit both of you and can survive a bad week.
No. ADHD coaching works on one person’s skills and habits. Online ADHD couples therapy works on the relationship between two people. They can go well together.
No. Assessment and medication belong with doctors and specialist services where you live. My work is the relationship.
It varies. Some couples feel a clear shift within a handful of sessions, others need longer. We review progress regularly. If autism is also part of the picture, online AuDHD couples therapy may fit better.
Sessions are 2-hour online couples sessions. Current fees, in US dollars, are on my prices page, and a therapy bundle saves you 10 per cent.
Book a session in the calendar, which shows times in your own time zone, or ask for a free 30-minute call first. If none of the times suit you, send me a message.
You can also send me an email
I want therapy to help you understand your experience and make choices you can use in everyday life. We pay attention to feelings, needs and the responses that happen before you have time to think.
Our online room should offer enough trust and honesty to explore what is difficult. I bring attention and professional judgement. You bring your experience, questions and the right to say when something does not fit.
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P.S. I’ll call you in a bit!
