In this short video, I explain how the home you grew up in can keep steering your adult reactions, and how we work with that gently by video.
You can also send me an email
Online childhood trauma therapy helps you understand how what happened while you were growing up still shapes the way you react, love, work and rest. We meet one to one by video, in English, in 1-hour sessions with 50 minutes of therapy, at times arranged around your time zone.
I help you recognise the survival strategies you learned as a child, honour what they did for you and loosen the ones that now cost you too much. This is part of online trauma therapy, within my wider online psychotherapy. When the pain seems older than your own childhood, online generational trauma therapy looks further back, and when an adult relationship did the damage, online therapy after narcissistic abuse may fit better.
From here you can ask for a free 30-minute call, find a session time, look at my client policy or reach me by message.
Online childhood trauma therapy is for English-speaking adults, anywhere in the world, who grew up with fear, neglect, chaos or emotional coldness and still feel its effects. You want to understand how your early years shaped you and to live more freely now, with a therapist you can meet wherever you have settled.
Childhood pain overlaps with other kinds of hurt, and some situations need a different focus. If a line below sounds closer to your life, the page it links to was written for that.
You can also send me an email
These reviews describe clients’ experiences of working with me. They come from my wider practice and do not all relate to online sessions. Each person’s experience is their own, and a review does not promise a particular outcome.
“Looking back over my 22 years of practice, the sentence I hear most often from adults who grew up in hard homes is ‘But my parents did all they could.’ Frequently that is true, and it is still beside the point. Defending them keeps them safe in your mind, and it also stops you feeling what you went through. Underneath, I hear a child asking ‘If I am good enough, will you finally see me?’ and another who decided long ago ‘Nobody is coming, so I will need nothing.’ My view is plain. You can love your parents and still take your own childhood seriously, and healing usually needs both.”
Mark Colclough, MA, psychotherapist and EFT couples therapist
I am Mark Colclough, MA. I have practised since 2004 and offer online psychotherapy and couples therapy in English.
My training brings together your emotions, your thoughts and your relationships. My deep passion is the moment when what happens between you finally makes sense, to each of you and to each other. I have lived and worked in nine countries, so I know something of life across languages, cultures and borders.
Read about my background, or explore online psychotherapy and online couples therapy.
I meet regularly with experienced psychotherapists to reflect on my work, question my understanding and develop my skills. Supervision is part of the professional care I bring to individual and couples work, including online sessions.
My focus is thoughtful practice, integrity and responsibility.
You are welcome to ask about the kind of support you need.
Tell me where you are based and your time zone. We can then consider whether online sessions together are suitable.
Samuel is 42, an accountant who grew up in Manchester and has lived in Sydney for 12 years. His father drank, and Samuel learned early to be the funny one who kept the evenings light. Now he cooks large meals for friends every weekend, yet his partner says he is never really present. He calls his mother every Sunday morning, his time, and spends the rest of the day irritable and drained. He insists his childhood was normal, but he cannot bear the sound of a cork leaving a bottle.
I would start with those Sunday calls rather than with his father. In a first video session Samuel would probably notice how quickly he tries to entertain me too, keeping our conversation light and easy. That is the boy at the dinner table, still on duty, and it gives us a gentle place to begin.
I have presented this clinical example as a compound of 22 years of clinical practice.
You have built an adult life, often a capable one, and still the old house seems to set the rules for how you feel.
There is no correct age and no single right reason to look at your childhood in therapy. A sense that your early years still shape your reactions or relationships is enough. You do not need a diagnosis, clear memories or a dramatic story before we meet. In 22 years of practice I have worked with many adults from difficult homes, and I can recognise when old survival patterns are asking for attention.
I will help you see what is happening now, which early lessons keep it going and what needs to change. Use the 6 questions below to sense whether this is the right time.
If you are, notice what it costs you. You anticipate needs before they are spoken, smooth over tension, remember everyone’s birthdays and rarely ask for anything yourself. You may feel tired in a way that rest does not reach, and quietly resentful that nobody looks after you.
I would look at when you first took on this role and whether you can ever put it down. That tells us whether it is a personality trait or a strategy you learned to survive. If this sounds like you, book a session with me and we can look at who taught you to carry so much.
Both are real, because each protects a different need. Part of you still hopes for warmth, recognition or an apology. Another part knows that each visit leaves you anxious, small or furious, and wants to keep a safe distance. You may book a flight home, then feel sick in the days before you leave.
I do not treat the hoping part as naive or the guarded part as cold. Each has its reasons. I help you understand what each protects, so you can make clearer choices about contact, distance and what you are willing to accept, without having to abandon either side.
Yes, this watchfulness often grows in children whose safety depended on reading the adults around them. As an adult, a partner’s silence, a colleague’s frown or a short text can feel like the start of something dangerous. You check, reassure, apologise and struggle to settle until the mood lifts.
Your need for closeness and safety is legitimate, and I will not shame it. I help you calm the alarm that fires at every shift in someone else, and you practise asking directly for what you need instead of managing everyone’s feelings. We also look at the child who first needed to stay so alert.
This is common after a childhood where the people you depended on were also the ones who frightened or neglected you. You long for intimacy and pursue it, then feel trapped or suspicious when it arrives. You may end relationships just as they become good, or pick fights to create distance.
In our sessions I slow this pattern down so we can find the moment closeness starts to feel unsafe. Often it is an old fear of being let down or controlled. I have real compassion for that reflex, and I will also help you take responsibility for the times it hurts the people you love.
Many people from hard homes learned that feelings were dangerous or useless, so they switched off. When someone is upset or needs a lot from you, you may become very calm, practical or distant, or retreat into work or a screen. Self-reliance once kept you safe, so needing others can still feel risky.
My view is that this independence protected you, and you do not need to give it up. I help you understand what the distance guards against, so you can stay present with people a little longer without feeling overwhelmed. You learn to say “I need some space, and I will come back” rather than simply disappearing.
Children in difficult families often take on fixed roles: the peacemaker, the clown, the invisible one, the achiever, the problem. Years later it can be hard to know who you are without that part to play. Abroad, those roles can loosen and leave you unsure what remains. That uncertainty shows how much you adapted, not that something is missing in you.
I help you separate the parts of you that grew from survival from those that are genuinely yours. I will challenge you when I see you shrinking back into the old role, but I will not hand you a new script. The aim is a fuller sense of who you are, what you want and how you choose to relate.
If parts of this felt familiar, begin with a free call to see how it feels to talk, or book a session if you already want to start.
You can also send me an email
Tell me briefly what kind of support you are looking for.
Include your country and time zone so we can discuss whether online work together is possible and find a suitable time.
You do not need to explain your whole story in your first message.
Your details are used to respond to your enquiry. Please leave detailed health information out of this form. Read the privacy policy for information about personal data, service providers and storage.
Understanding your childhood matters, but the work also has to change how you react, rest, set limits and let people close today.
Working on your childhood with me will help you understand what happened, recognise the patterns you learned to survive it and change how they play out in your adult life. Insight is a valuable start, yet understanding where a reaction comes from does not, on its own, stop it.
In 22 years of practice I have seen this work move when I take an active role. I guide the process, name what I notice and challenge you gently when you minimise what you went through. The 6 questions below describe what we work towards.
Related reading: I know exactly why I do it. Why can’t I stop? and Why am I always waiting for them to leave?.
I help you distinguish the core wound from its effects. Overworking, people-pleasing, explosive anger or deep tiredness are real, but they are often adaptations rather than the root. Beneath them lie particular feelings and beliefs: that your needs are a burden, that love must be earned, that you are on your own.
I give you my honest reading of what keeps the pattern in place and what deserves attention first, and I question explanations that keep you stuck, such as “it was not that bad”. When you are ready, book a session with me and we will begin slowly.
You can learn to sense the early signs that come before the familiar response. Perhaps your stomach drops at a certain tone of voice, you suddenly feel very young, or you notice an urge to please or to flee. Recognising the first sign gives you a moment to choose a different response.
In our sessions I help you slow the sequence down and see what triggers it and what it once protected you from. Recognition is only half of it. We practise new responses, in the session and between sessions, until you can use them with the people who matter.
Settling does not mean pushing feelings away or acting as if you are fine. It means staying present enough to know you are an adult now, with choices you did not have as a child, while still feeling what arises. Much of the intensity belongs to the past rather than to the situation in front of you.
I help you recognise the rise earlier and understand what your body is remembering. We develop simple ways to come back to the present, and I will ask you to practise them daily between sessions, especially before and after contact with family.
Setting limits starts with knowing what you feel, what you need and what is not your responsibility. If you grew up having to keep the peace, saying no may feel dangerous, selfish or simply impossible. Swallowed needs often build into resentment, which then leaks out at the worst moments.
We search for words that are honest and plain, and no bigger than the moment needs. I will challenge you when you silence yourself, and also when you expect your family to know your limits without being told. We often rehearse a real conversation, such as telling a parent you will not discuss a certain subject on the next call.
Decisions become clearer when you separate fear, obligation and other people’s expectations from what you actually know and need. Questions about how much contact to have, whether to confront someone or whether to forgive can feel unbearable when guilt pulls one way and self-protection pulls the other.
We set out each possible path and ask what it would demand of you. I offer my professional view and will notice when you are avoiding a choice, but the decision is yours. Some people step back for a while, others reconnect on new terms, and both can be right.
Lasting change has to reach your daily life, not only our sessions. You may need new limits with family, a different way of resting, friendships where care flows both ways and room to want things for yourself.
I help you sort out what needs to change and what is already yours to keep. Your sensitivity, loyalty and resilience grew in hard conditions, and they are not the problem. The aim is a life that follows your own values, where the past informs you without ruling you.
You can also send me an email
You do not need clear memories, a full story or the right words. We begin with what is hard now and what you want to change.
From our first meeting I listen closely, help you put the central difficulty into words and point the work in a clear direction. We go at a pace that feels safe, and you decide what you share.
Online childhood trauma therapy is a focused strand of online trauma therapy, and of my online psychotherapy more broadly, structured individual work on your inner life and your relationships. If old wounds now play out mainly between you and a partner who is willing to join, online couples therapy offers long-term relational development and healing. Because this work usually takes time, a therapy bundle gives you a real saving and the steadiness of an agreed plan.
In the first session I ask what has brought you here now, what feels hardest in your life today, what you have tried and what you would like to be different. Your childhood can come in whatever order it arrives.
Towards the end I share my first understanding and suggest a direction. You can then judge whether my way of working feels right. If you would rather talk first, book a free 30-minute call before deciding.
Individual work is right when the focus is your own history, emotions, protective patterns and sense of self. We can explore your relationships with family and partners in depth without anyone else joining the call.
In individual sessions I bring direction, continuity and honest challenge, always paced to what you can manage. If your childhood is one theme among several, online psychotherapy describes my structured individual work as a whole.
Turn to couples therapy when the bond with your partner, rather than your history, is what needs ongoing care. If old fears keep surfacing as the same arguments, if one of you pursues while the other withdraws, or if trust has been damaged, working together often helps more.
In couples work I help you both see the cycle between you, own your parts and build a more secure bond. Online couples therapy is long-term relational development and healing, and many people do some individual work on their childhood first and then move to couples sessions.
The right pace depends on how strongly the past affects you now, how much stability your life has and how much continuity the work needs to feel safe.
I usually recommend weekly sessions at first, because regular contact builds the trust this work depends on. If the weeks between us grow too long, I will say so, and I will also tell you when meeting less often is safe. Some people later add a block of sessions back-to-back, for example around a visit home.
A bundle makes sense when you know the work will take a number of sessions and you want continuity instead of deciding after each meeting. Many people from difficult homes struggle to invest in themselves, and a plan agreed in advance quietly protects that investment.
A bundle lowers the cost of each session and gives you the security of an agreed structure. Details are on therapy discounts and bundles, and the cards sit further down this page.
Therapy has done its job when you have more ownership, clarity and choice, and the old patterns have changed enough for you to carry on without the same support. Family visits may still stir you, but they no longer knock you off your feet.
I review progress openly and do not encourage endless dependency. Sessions can become less frequent, pause or end once the work has served its purpose. Coming back later, perhaps when you become a parent, does not mean the earlier work failed.
Not sure where to begin? Here is how online childhood trauma therapy compares with the options people with a hard childhood most often weigh up.
| Option | Choose it when | Pace |
|---|---|---|
| Online childhood trauma therapy (this page) | The home you grew up in still shapes how you react, love and rest. | Weekly 1-hour video sessions over months |
| Online trauma therapy | What still affects you happened in adult life, once or over time. | Weekly video sessions, paced with care |
| Online generational trauma therapy | Your pain seems to go back to what your parents and grandparents lived through. | Weekly or fortnightly video sessions |
| Online attachment therapy | How you bond and pull away in love is the main thing you want to change. | A steady course of video sessions |
Online childhood trauma therapy with me is individual psychotherapy by video, in English, for adults whose early experiences of fear, neglect or emotional absence still shape their lives. It helps you understand the survival patterns you developed and gradually change the ones that no longer serve you.
I work in depth, drawing on attachment and object relations thinking, with the whole person: your feelings, your body, your relationships and what was passed down to you. It is part of my online trauma therapy.
Come when you notice that old patterns keep repeating in your relationships, your work or your body, or when contact with family regularly leaves you shaken. If part of you senses your childhood still matters more than you admit, trust that.
I look at which patterns recur, how strongly they affect your life now and what you have tried. If they persist however much you understand them, careful work is worth considering.
Yes. Trauma is not only about dramatic events. Growing up without enough warmth, attention or safety can leave deep marks, even if nobody was openly cruel. I will not promise a particular result, and this is not quick work.
In my clinical experience, people who say “nothing really happened” often describe a childhood in which nobody noticed what they felt. We focus on what was missing as well as what occurred, and on how you can now give yourself some of what you did not receive.
No. The aim is not blame or a particular decision about contact. It is to see your childhood clearly, feel what you went through and make your own choices from there.
Many people continue a relationship with their parents after this work, sometimes a better one. Others decide to keep more distance. I do not push you either way, and I will help you think through what genuinely fits you.
Both moves grew from the same early experience of needing people who were not reliably safe. Reaching out says you still hope for care. Pulling away protects you from being let down again. Neither is a flaw in your character.
I help you notice which way you move and what sets it off, and what each move is trying to secure. Then we build steadier options: letting people close at a pace you can tolerate, and taking space without cutting them off.
We begin with the present. I ask what is hardest now, how your past shows up in your relationships and body, and what you hope will change. By the end you will have my first understanding and a sense of how we might work.
You do not need to bring memories in order or tell me anything you are not ready to share. Book your first session, or start with a free 30-minute call if you want to talk first.
Plan for a longer course of sessions, usually several months and often more. Patterns that formed over years of childhood take time to understand and change.
In 22 years of practice I have found that a clear first stretch, reviewed openly, works better than open-ended drifting. We review together at regular points and decide whether to continue, slow down or end.
Yes, for most people, as long as we pace it carefully. Many find it easier to approach painful memories from their own space, and video means the work can continue if you move country. It also lets you work with someone outside your family’s country and circles.
Bring a laptop or tablet, headphones, a steady connection and a room with a closed door. If you live with family, choose a time when you cannot be overheard. Times show in your own time zone, and we can discuss practical concerns on a free call.
This work is individual psychotherapy, booked as 1-hour online sessions with 50 minutes of therapy in each. The fees currently in force, in US dollars, appear on my prices page.
Because childhood work usually takes time, a therapy bundle saves 10 per cent per session and gives you a stable plan. The options are on therapy discounts and bundles.
The simplest way is to pick a first session in the calendar, where every time appears in your own time zone. If talking first would help, arrange a free 30-minute call.
If no time works, or something feels acute right now, write to me directly. Some room is kept for acute cases, normally within days, and acute online psychotherapy tells you how it works. The child you were waited a long time. Choose a time, and we will begin.
You can also send me an email
I want therapy to help you understand your experience and make choices you can use in everyday life. We pay attention to feelings, needs and the responses that happen before you have time to think.
Our online room should offer enough trust and honesty to explore what is difficult. I bring attention and professional judgement. You bring your experience, questions and the right to say when something does not fit.
Sign up for my occasional writing on feelings, relationships and life between cultures. No spam, and you can unsubscribe whenever you like.
Please fill in your details and I’ll contact you soon. I use your details to reply to your enquiry, talk through practicalities and, if you wish, arrange an online session. Requesting a call also adds your email address to my mailing list. Please do not write sensitive information in the message field.
Clicking the button adds your email address to my mailing list. Please read the Privacy Policy for more information.
P.S. I’ll call you in a bit!
