In this short video, I explain why moving quickly from partner to partner often has little to do with fear of being alone, and what we explore together by video instead.
You can also send me an email
Online therapy for always being in a relationship helps you understand why you rarely spend long without a partner, and why the same story keeps returning with different people. We work one to one over video, in English, in 1-hour sessions that give you 50 minutes of therapy, at hours arranged around your own time zone.
I help you see what the weeks between partners bring up in you and what each new relationship is expected to fix. This page is part of my online attachment therapy, within my wider online psychotherapy. If you are mostly single and wish you were not, online therapy for “why am I single?” fits your question better.
To go further, book a free 30-minute call, secure a video session, read through my client policy or drop me a message.
Online therapy for always being in a relationship is for English-speaking adults, anywhere in the world, who are hardly ever single and have started to wonder why. You may move from one partner to the next within weeks, or let the next one begin before the last has ended. You want to understand the pattern before the next chapter starts.
Going from one relationship to the next can overlap with other patterns that call for a different focus. If one of these lines sounds more like you, the linked page is the stronger place to start.
You can also send me an email
These reviews describe clients’ experiences of working with me. They come from my wider practice and do not all relate to online sessions. Each person’s experience is their own, and a review does not promise a particular outcome.
“Across the 9 countries I have lived and worked in, I have heard the same easy explanation for people who are always with someone: they cannot bear to be alone. I think that is usually wrong. Most of them manage a quiet Sunday perfectly well. What they cannot bear is the stretch right after an ending, when grief and old feelings have space to rise. Underneath each new beginning I hear ‘Will this one finally stay?’ Beside it is a cooler voice: ‘Keep moving, and no one will get close enough to know me.’ A new partner rarely answers either. Understanding why you keep asking is what changes the story.”
Mark Colclough, MA, psychotherapist and EFT couples therapist
I am Mark Colclough, MA. I have practised since 2004 and offer online psychotherapy and couples therapy in English.
My training brings together your emotions, your thoughts and your relationships. My deep passion is the moment when what happens between you finally makes sense, to each of you and to each other. I have lived and worked in nine countries, so I know something of life across languages, cultures and borders.
Read about my background, or explore online psychotherapy and online couples therapy.
I meet regularly with experienced psychotherapists to reflect on my work, question my understanding and develop my skills. Supervision is part of the professional care I bring to individual and couples work, including online sessions.
My focus is thoughtful practice, integrity and responsibility.
You are welcome to ask about the kind of support you need.
Tell me where you are based and your time zone. We can then consider whether online sessions together are suitable.
Andrés is 36 and manages operations for a hotel group in Lisbon, having grown up in Bogotá and studied in Madrid. He has had 5 serious relationships in 8 years, each starting within a few weeks of the last. Every one began with long dinners and talk of a shared flat. Every one ended with him feeling suffocated and slightly ashamed. His current girlfriend of 3 months has asked to meet his parents, and he has already started noticing another woman at the gym.
I would start with the first fortnight after his last break-up, not the relationships themselves, and ask Andrés what those evenings felt like. In a first video session he would probably notice a familiar emptiness, older than any of his partners, that he has never let himself stay with. That gives us something real to understand before he makes his next move.
I have presented this clinical example as a compound of 22 years of clinical practice.
You have started over many times with new people, and the ending keeps looking strangely familiar.
You do not need a particular moment or a dramatic reason to begin. A sense that you keep repeating the same story, or that you have never really been on your own, is enough. You do not need a diagnosis, a break-up or a label for the pattern first. In 22 years of practice I have met this pattern in many versions, and I can tell when a run of romances is really one story told again.
I will help you see what happens in you between partners, what keeps the pattern going and what needs to change. Let these 6 questions help you decide whether to reach out.
If so, the overlap itself is telling you something. A new person appears in your messages while the old relationship is winding down. You feel lifted, then guilty, and the ending you have not felt yet gets carried into the next beginning.
I would look at how long this has been happening and what you would have felt if there had been no one waiting. That tells us whether it was chance or a pattern that protects you from something. If this sounds familiar, book a session with me and we can look at it closely.
Both feelings are real, because each serves a different need. The craving wants to be known, held and chosen. The trapped feeling wants room to breathe and to stay yourself. Early on the craving wins. Later the other side takes over, and you look for the exit.
I do not treat either side as the culprit. In psychosynthesis we meet such opposing wishes as parts of a whole person, each with something to say. We look at what the longing hopes a partner will give, and what the trapped part is protecting. Then you can choose relationships with both in mind.
Many people with this pattern do. A partner going quiet for an evening can feel like a door closing. You text, check their last-seen time or plan the next meeting before the current one is over. Only when you feel wanted again can you settle.
Wanting closeness and reliability is a fair wish, and I will not shame you for it. What I help you change is the alarm that fires at the first sign of distance. We look at what the constant contact is soothing, often an old fear of not mattering, and practise asking for reassurance directly instead of chasing it.
This cycle is at the heart of many serial relationships. In the first months you merge: shared plans, shared friends, little time apart. Then, often quite suddenly, you feel crowded and restless, and someone new starts to look like freedom.
In our sessions I slow the cycle down and find the moment merging tips into escape, often when your partner needs something you cannot give or starts to see you clearly. I have compassion for these protective swings, and I will also ask you to take responsibility for the hurt they leave behind.
Often, yes, especially later in a relationship. When your partner wants a serious conversation about the future or their hurt, you turn practical, joke or suddenly feel very tired. Inside you have already started to leave.
I see that withdrawal as protection, not cruelty, and I will not shame you for needing space. I help you understand what it spares you, often the fear of being found lacking, so you can stay in the conversation a little longer. You learn to say “I need some time, and I will come back to this” instead of drifting away.
Years of moving from one partner to the next can leave your own identity blurry. You may take on each partner’s hobbies, friends or politics, and lose them again when the relationship ends. Asked what you like on your own, you are not sure. That does not mean there is nothing there.
I help you separate who you have been for others from who you are, including what you learned about love in your family, sometimes across generations. I will challenge you when you hand yourself over, but I will not impose an identity. The aim is to know yourself well enough to choose a partner, not just to land with one.
If these questions describe you, talk it through on a free call, or book a session if you would like to start before the next chapter begins.
You can also send me an email
Tell me briefly what kind of support you are looking for.
Include your country and time zone so we can discuss whether online work together is possible and find a suitable time.
You do not need to explain your whole story in your first message.
Your details are used to respond to your enquiry. Please leave detailed health information out of this form. Read the privacy policy for information about personal data, service providers and storage.
Seeing your pattern is a start, but the work has to change what you do the next time a relationship ends or begins.
This work will help you see what happens in you between relationships, recognise the fears that drive you towards the next one and change how you begin, stay and leave. Many people can describe their pattern accurately. Knowing it does not stop the next whirlwind on its own.
In 22 years of practice I have learned that this pattern moves when I am active, not simply understanding. I will guide you, name what I see and challenge stories such as “this time it is different”. The 6 questions below describe what we work towards.
Related reading: Why do I end up with the same kind of person every time? and Why do I lose myself every time I love someone?.
I help you separate the core of the pattern from its surface. The quick starts, the overlaps and the dramatic endings are real, but they are results. Beneath them usually sit a few firm beliefs: that being alone means being unwanted, that you only exist when someone is looking, or that staying too long means being trapped.
I tell you what I think is happening, what deserves attention first and which explanations keep you stuck. We work with what you know and with what you have not noticed yet, including what your body feels in a quiet evening alone. If you want to see it from outside, book a session with me.
You can learn to recognise its early signs. There is usually a sequence: a dull evening, a flicker of emptiness, a thought about someone who once flirted with you, a message sent. When you notice the first link, you gain time to choose.
In sessions we slow that sequence down and look at what sets it off and what it protects you from. Seeing it is not enough. We practise staying with the feeling for a while, first in our sessions and then in your week, until a quiet evening stops feeling like an emergency.
Getting through them does not mean forcing yourself into isolation or pretending you feel fine. It means staying present enough to feel the ending and let it teach you something. For many people with this pattern, those weeks feel almost physically unbearable.
I help you recognise what rises in you in those weeks and understand what your nervous system is reacting to, often old experiences of being left or moved around. This takes practice between our sessions, including evenings you choose to spend with yourself.
Saying it clearly starts with knowing what you feel and what you need. In serial relationships, needs are often swallowed early to keep the romance going, then come out later as irritation or a sudden urge to leave.
I help you find words that are honest and timely, such as “I need an evening for myself this week” said in month 2 rather than month 20. I will challenge you when you keep quiet to keep the peace, and also when you expect a partner to sense your needs without being told.
Clearer decisions become possible once you separate the familiar urge to move on from what you actually feel for this person. With this pattern, leaving can feel like relief, and staying can feel like risk, whether or not the relationship is good.
I help you look at your options honestly and what each would ask of you. You get my view, and I will say so when the pattern seems to be speaking, but the choice is yours. If you and your partner both want to work on it, online couples therapy is the place to do that together.
The change has to show up in your real life. You may need a period alone after an ending, friendships that are not tied to a partner, interests of your own and a slower pace at the start of anything new.
We sort out together what should shift and what already works. Your warmth, your openness and your love of closeness are strengths, and we keep them. The aim is that your next relationship is a choice you make with your whole self.
You can also send me an email
You do not need a diagnosis or a tidy account of every relationship. We start with the most recent ending or beginning.
In our first session I listen closely, help you name the central pattern and give the work a clear direction. We start with one recent relationship or ending, not a complete romantic history.
This is individual work within my online psychotherapy, a strand of my online attachment therapy. If you are in a relationship that both of you want to work on, online couples therapy offers long-term relational development and healing. If you expect to need a series of sessions, a therapy bundle brings real savings and the steadiness of a plan.
I ask why you are looking at this now, what your relationships have looked like, what tends to start and end them and what you would like to be different. We may walk through the first week after your last break-up. Your full history can wait.
By the end I offer my first understanding and suggest where to focus. Then you decide whether my approach feels useful. If you would rather speak first, book a free 30-minute call before choosing a session.
Individual work fits because the pattern runs through every relationship you have had, and therefore lives mainly in you. We can look at each partner, past and present, without any of them joining the call, and focus on what you bring to all of them.
Week by week you get a clear direction from me, a thread that holds and frank challenge. If this pattern is one of several things you want to explore, online psychotherapy describes my structured individual work as a whole.
Couples therapy is the better choice when you are in a relationship you both want to keep, and the relationship itself needs sustained attention. If you keep circling the same argument, if trust has been hurt by an overlap, or if one of you chases while the other pulls back, working together reaches further.
In couples work I help you both see the cycle between you, own your part and build a steadier way of being close. Online couples therapy is long-term relational development and healing, and some people work alone first so that they can stay present in couples sessions later.
The pace depends on where you are in the pattern, how much space your life has and how much continuity the work needs. Between relationships, or just after an ending, closer support can be especially valuable.
I usually suggest weekly sessions at first. I will tell you honestly if the gaps are too long, if we should meet more often during a turbulent stretch or when we can safely meet less. Back-to-back sessions over a few days can also help when you travel or work in rotations.
A bundle makes sense when you expect several sessions and want a commitment that does not depend on how a new romance is going that week. People with this pattern sometimes drop therapy the moment someone new arrives. A planned course keeps the work going.
Buying a bundle trims the price of every session and fixes the shape of the work in advance. See therapy discounts and bundles for the options, which also appear in the cards lower on this page.
Therapy has done its job when you can be alone without panic, choose a partner rather than fall into one and stay through difficult phases when the relationship is worth it. You do not need the same support to keep making those choices.
We look at progress openly together, and I will not keep you in therapy longer than it serves you. Sessions can thin out, pause or stop once the work has achieved its aim. Returning one day with a new difficulty is a sensible step, not a sign of failure.
Unsure this is the right starting point? Here is how this page compares with the options people who are rarely single most often consider.
| Option | Choose it when | Pace |
|---|---|---|
| Online therapy for always being in a relationship (this page) | You move from one partner to the next and want to understand why. | Weekly 1-hour video sessions at first |
| Online attachment therapy | You want to look at closeness across family, friendship and love. | 1-hour video sessions over several months |
| Online anxious attachment therapy | Fear of being left is the strongest feeling in all your relationships. | Weekly or fortnightly video sessions |
| Online therapy for “why am I single?” | You are mostly single and want to understand why love has not lasted. | Weekly or fortnightly video sessions |
It is individual psychotherapy by video, in English, for adults who are rarely single and move quickly from one partner to the next. It helps you understand what each new relationship is carrying for you, what the time between partners stirs up and how to choose more freely.
I work in depth with your feelings, your history, the parts of you that pull in different directions and what you inherited from your family. You will find it under my online attachment therapy, itself a branch of my online psychotherapy.
Come when you notice the same story repeating, when endings keep hurting people or when you feel you have lost track of who you are on your own. You do not need to wait for a crisis. Your own sense that the pattern is costing you is enough.
I look at how long it has been going on, how quickly relationships begin and end, and what happens when you try to stay single for a while. If every effort to slow down has failed, it deserves real attention.
Yes, often. The pattern usually has a purpose, and once you understand it, you have more choice. I cannot promise how quickly it changes or what your next relationship will look like, and I do not offer quick fixes.
In my clinical experience, people who move fast between partners are often avoiding one particular feeling that surfaces when they are alone. I would focus with you on finding that feeling and learning to stay with it.
No. Many people come to me early in a new relationship, and it can be a good moment, because the pattern is happening in real time. You do not need to end anything to begin.
My position is that you are responsible for your choices, and I will not tell you whether to stay. We will look at what this relationship is carrying for you and what you actually feel, so that whatever you decide is a real decision.
Because the start of a relationship offers closeness without much risk of being truly known. Later, as your partner sees more of you and needs more from you, the old fears return. You are not shallow for this. It is how you learned to manage closeness.
I help you see which way you move as a relationship deepens, what that move protects and who pays for it. Then we build steadier options: staying when it gets ordinary, and asking for space without leaving.
I will ask about your life now: your current or recent relationship, how your relationships usually start and end, and what you feel when you are on your own. Before we finish, I will tell you how I see it and where I suggest we begin.
You do not need to prepare a timeline or present yourself well. If you notice yourself trying to charm me, we can look at that too. When you are ready, reserve your first hour, or begin with a free 30-minute call.
Plan for a course of sessions over several months. That is usually enough to understand the pattern and begin acting differently at the key moments, such as the weeks after an ending. If it goes back to early experiences of loss or moving around, it often takes longer.
From 22 years of practice, I recommend agreeing a clear first stretch and then reviewing it together. At each review we decide whether to continue, slow down or stop.
Start alone in most cases. The pattern runs across all your relationships, so individual work gets to the heart of it. Video means you can keep going through moves, travel and new relationships, with a therapist outside your social world.
Use a laptop or tablet with a dependable connection, wear headphones and find a room where you cannot be overheard. Times on the calendar are shown in your own time zone. If you are unsure whether to come alone or with a partner, we can decide on a free call.
Sessions are 1-hour online appointments of individual psychotherapy, 50 minutes of which are therapy. The prices page shows my fees as they stand, in US dollars.
When you know the work will take a while, a therapy bundle saves 10 per cent on every session and gives you a plan you can rely on. Read about the options on therapy discounts and bundles.
Book a first session straight from the calendar, or request a free 30-minute call if you want to talk first. Every time appears in your own time zone.
If none of the times work, or a recent ending has left you in pieces, get in touch directly. I keep some room for acute cases, usually a time within days, and acute online psychotherapy describes that help. Book now, while the pattern is fresh in your mind.
You can also send me an email
I want therapy to help you understand your experience and make choices you can use in everyday life. We pay attention to feelings, needs and the responses that happen before you have time to think.
Our online room should offer enough trust and honesty to explore what is difficult. I bring attention and professional judgement. You bring your experience, questions and the right to say when something does not fit.
Sign up for my occasional writing on feelings, relationships and life between cultures. No spam, and you can unsubscribe whenever you like.
Please fill in your details and I’ll contact you soon. I use your details to reply to your enquiry, talk through practicalities and, if you wish, arrange an online session. Requesting a call also adds your email address to my mailing list. Please do not write sensitive information in the message field.
Clicking the button adds your email address to my mailing list. Please read the Privacy Policy for more information.
P.S. I’ll call you in a bit!
