In this short video, I explain how I work with couples where one or both partners are autistic, and why I treat autistic ways of loving as real love.
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Online autism couples therapy is for couples who speak English and where one partner, or both, is autistic, whichever country you live in. Sessions take place by video at a time that works where you are, and focus on the misunderstandings, the sensory load, the need for predictability and the different languages of care that can come between you.
For many autistic people, video is easier than a therapist’s room. You control the light, the sound and the chair. You can look away from the screen, write instead of talk and take a break without anyone fussing.
This page belongs under online neurodiverse couples therapy. If your partner will not take part, see online autism couples therapy alone. You can ask for a free 30-minute call, book a session, read my client policy or write to me.
Online autism couples therapy is for English-speaking couples, wherever you live, who take part together and where one or both of you are autistic.
Check these alternatives before booking.
You can also send me an email
These reviews describe clients’ experiences of working with me. They come from my wider practice and do not all relate to online sessions. Each person’s experience is their own, and a review does not promise a particular outcome.
“With the neurodiverse couples I work with, I keep meeting autistic partners who love deeply and are told, year after year, that they do not. Underneath, the non-autistic partner is often asking ‘Do you feel anything for me?’, while the autistic partner is asking ‘Why is my way of caring never enough?’. Some people feel ‘I want you near’ and ‘Please give me space’ almost at the same moment. Once each of you can see the other’s love clearly, a great deal of pain falls away.”
Mark Colclough, MA, psychotherapist and EFT couples therapist
I am Mark Colclough, MA. I have practised since 2004 and offer online psychotherapy and couples therapy in English.
My training brings together your emotions, your thoughts and your relationships. My deep passion is the moment when what happens between you finally makes sense, to each of you and to each other. I have lived and worked in nine countries, so I know something of life across languages, cultures and borders.
Read about my background, or explore online psychotherapy and online couples therapy.
I meet regularly with experienced psychotherapists to reflect on my work, question my understanding and develop my skills. Supervision is part of the professional care I bring to individual and couples work, including online sessions.
My focus is thoughtful practice, integrity and responsibility.
You are welcome to ask about the kind of support you need.
Tell me where you are based and your time zone. We can then consider whether online sessions together are suitable.
Erik is autistic and works as a structural engineer in Oslo. His wife, Sofia, is a teacher who loves spontaneous plans with friends. On Saturdays she often changes the plan at short notice. Erik goes silent, then snaps. Sofia feels controlled. Erik feels he is never allowed to rest in his own home.
In our online sessions they see that the problem is not Sofia’s spontaneity or Erik’s need for order, but the surprise. They agree that weekend plans are fixed by Thursday evening, with one open slot that Sofia can fill as she likes. Erik joins in more often, because he knows what is coming.
I have presented this clinical example as a compound of 22 years of clinical practice.
Autistic love is love. It just does not always look the way the other partner expected.
Autism can shape almost everything in a relationship: how much contact feels good, how plans are made, how feelings are shown and how long it takes to recover from a busy day. When that is not understood, both partners end up hurt, and each is sure the other does not care.
Online autism couples therapy helps you understand what is really going on for each of you, and build agreements that respect both.
After a day of noise, people and small talk, an autistic partner may need hours of quiet before they can connect. The other partner may experience that quiet as rejection.
We make the need for recovery visible and plan around it, so it stops being a nightly source of hurt.
Autistic people often say exactly what they mean. A literal answer to a question can sound blunt or cold to a partner who expected softening or a hint of feeling.
We untangle the words from the intention, so the autistic partner is not punished for honesty and the other partner does not feel brushed off.
A last-minute change, an unexpected visitor or a plan that shifts on the day can cost an autistic partner a great deal. To the other partner, the reaction may seem out of proportion.
We look at what the change actually costs and find ways to give warning, prepare and agree in advance what can be flexible.
One of you may show love through practical help, shared interests or simply being nearby. The other may long for words, touch or eye contact. Neither way is wrong.
We learn to read each other’s ways of caring, and to offer some of what the other needs without overriding your own body.
Many autistic adults spend the whole day masking at work. By evening there is little left, and the relationship gets the tired version.
We take that exhaustion seriously and look at how home can become a place where masking is not needed.
A diagnosis in adulthood can change the story of a whole relationship. Old fights suddenly make sense, and old hurts can feel both explained and freshly painful.
We look back together with what you now know, so the diagnosis becomes a help rather than a weapon.
Recognise yourselves? Request a call, book a session or send me a few lines in writing.
You can also send me an email
Tell me briefly what kind of support you are looking for.
Include your country and time zone so we can discuss whether online work together is possible and find a suitable time.
You do not need to explain your whole story in your first message.
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Understanding comes first. Agreements that respect both of you follow.
In online autism couples therapy we translate between two ways of experiencing the world, and then build practical agreements about time, plans, closeness and recovery.
The goal is not to make the autistic partner act less autistic. It is to make the relationship fit the people who are actually in it.
We take one hard moment and break it into small, concrete steps: what was said, what each of you heard, what you felt in your body and what you did next. Written down like that, two different realities become easy to see side by side.
Yes. We agree on how much warning each kind of change needs, which plans are fixed and which can move, and what to do when something unexpected happens anyway.
Yes. The autistic partner can keep speaking plainly. We add a little context where it helps, and the other partner learns to take plain words at face value instead of searching for hidden meaning.
Yes. Touch, sound, smell and timing matter. We talk openly about what feels good and what is too much for each of you, and find forms of closeness that both bodies can enjoy.
Often, yes. Many autistic partners have been told for years that they are cold or difficult, and many non-autistic partners have felt unloved. We look at those years with new eyes, so blame can turn into understanding.
Predictable where it needs to be, flexible where it can be. Clear words, planned recovery time and forms of closeness that fit you both. Most of all, a relationship where neither of you has to pretend.
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You do not need a diagnosis or the right vocabulary. We start with how daily life actually feels.
Our opening sessions are for learning how each of you takes in the world, where things keep going wrong and what you would like instead. Should a different route serve you better, such as online psychotherapy for one partner, you will hear that from me directly.
We spend two hours together on video. I show you the plan at the outset, and you can pause at any point. Each of you brings one or two difficult moments, and before we finish we sketch the pattern they share.
I tell you in advance how the session will run and keep to it. You can keep your camera off for parts of it, write in the chat, use headphones, stim, take breaks or send me notes beforehand. I can also send a short written summary afterwards.
Now and then. If one of you struggles to find words with the other on the line, a brief one-to-one session can help. We agree beforehand what it is for and what is shared afterwards.
A fixed slot every second or third week suits most couples, and the same weekday and hour each time can make it easier. For a compact block of work instead, back-to-back online neurodiverse couples therapy gathers the sessions close together.
Autism couples work usually runs over a series of sessions, and a fixed plan can be a relief in itself. A therapy bundle lowers the price per session. You can see the bundle cards below.
Fewer painful misreadings, calmer evenings and more trust that each of you means well. When that holds without me, we plan the ending together, at a pace that feels predictable.
Not sure which page fits? Compare the closest services.
| Option | Choose it when | Pace |
|---|---|---|
| Online autism couples therapy (this page) | You take part together; autism is central. | 2 hours, every two to three weeks |
| Online autism couples therapy alone | You take part on your own. | 1-hour sessions on your own |
| Online AuDHD couples therapy | ADHD is part of it too. | 2-hour sessions |
| Online neurodiverse couples therapy | The picture is mixed or unclear. | 2-hour sessions |
It is couples therapy by video, in English, for couples where one or both partners are autistic. It focuses on communication, sensory load, predictability and the different ways each of you shows love, and the sessions are built to be autism-friendly.
That works too. Two autistic partners may share some needs and clash on others, for example over sound, routines or how much time together feels right. We work with your particular mix.
No. A diagnosis, a strong hunch or simply recognising yourselves in descriptions of autism are all fine starting points. Everyday experience is what we work from.
No. I respect autistic ways of thinking, feeling and loving. The work is about fit between two people, not about turning one of them into someone else.
Yes, if you both want to. Touch, desire and sensory needs are often central. We talk about them openly and calmly, at a pace that feels safe for both of you.
Often, yes. Being at home, with your own light and sound, can lower the load a lot. If you live near Copenhagen and would rather meet in person, just ask.
No. Please go to a specialist service in your own country for an assessment. I focus on how the two of you live together. If you are unsure, online neurodiverse couples therapy is a good place to start without a label.
Expect a series rather than a quick fix. Some couples notice a real change after five or six meetings, while others take longer, and we stop to take stock at points we fix in advance. If ADHD is part of the picture too, online AuDHD couples therapy may fit better.
Every session runs for two hours on video. The prices page lists the fee in US dollars, and choosing a therapy bundle cuts it by 10 per cent.
Book a session in the calendar, which shows times in your own time zone, or ask for a free 30-minute call first. Writing is fine too: send me a message and I will reply in writing.
You can also send me an email
I want therapy to help you understand your experience and make choices you can use in everyday life. We pay attention to feelings, needs and the responses that happen before you have time to think.
Our online room should offer enough trust and honesty to explore what is difficult. I bring attention and professional judgement. You bring your experience, questions and the right to say when something does not fit.
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P.S. I’ll call you in a bit!
