In this short video, I explain why anger is seldom the real problem, and how we work by video to hear what it protects without letting it run your life.
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Online anger therapy helps you understand where your anger comes from, what sets it off and how to express it without hurting yourself or the people you love. We work one to one over video, in English, in 1-hour sessions that hold 50 minutes of therapy, at hours that suit where you live.
I help you reach the hurt, fear or humiliation that often sits beneath the heat, so you can answer with strength rather than force. This page is a sub-branch of online shame therapy within my online psychotherapy, because anger is very often shame pointed outwards. When remorse is the heavier part, online guilt therapy fits more closely.
The easiest start is a free 30-minute call. You can also book a session now, read my client policy or tell me in writing what has been happening.
Online anger therapy is for English-speaking adults, anywhere in the world, whose temper, irritation or resentment now costs more than it protects. You may erupt and regret it, or swallow everything until it burns. You want to understand your anger and take charge of how you use it.
Anger has many shapes, and some situations need another kind of help first. If one of these describes you more closely, the linked page will suit you better.
You can also send me an email
These reviews describe clients’ experiences of working with me. They come from my wider practice and do not all relate to online sessions. Each person’s experience is their own, and a review does not promise a particular outcome.
“Since my first client in 2004, the people who came to me about their temper have almost never been aggressive by nature. Nearly always, the anger stands guard in front of something softer: grief, humiliation, a terror of not counting. Under the raised voice I hear ‘Why does nobody ever hear me?’, and in the same breath ‘Leave me be before I say something I cannot take back.’ Often the person wants both at once: ‘Stay here and fight with me, just do not come close.’ I do not believe that learning to keep a lid on it is enough. Pressure held down finds another way out. You need to know what is boiling.”
Mark Colclough, MA, psychotherapist and EFT couples therapist
I am Mark Colclough, MA. I have practised since 2004 and offer online psychotherapy and couples therapy in English.
My training brings together your emotions, your thoughts and your relationships. My deep passion is the moment when what happens between you finally makes sense, to each of you and to each other. I have lived and worked in nine countries, so I know something of life across languages, cultures and borders.
Read about my background, or explore online psychotherapy and online couples therapy.
I meet regularly with experienced psychotherapists to reflect on my work, question my understanding and develop my skills. Supervision is part of the professional care I bring to individual and couples work, including online sessions.
My focus is thoughtful practice, integrity and responsibility.
You are welcome to ask about the kind of support you need.
Tell me where you are based and your time zone. We can then consider whether online sessions together are suitable.
Layla is 39, a Lebanese-Canadian architect living in Dubai with her husband and their 2 children. At home a door left open or a missed message can tip her into shouting, a slammed cupboard and then an icy silence for the rest of the evening. She has never hit anyone, yet she is scared by how near the edge she feels.
I would start with one recent evening, slowly, from the moment she came through the door. In a first video session Layla would probably notice that her anger climbs fastest when she feels unseen, and that the feeling is far older than her marriage.
I have presented this clinical example as a compound of 22 years of clinical practice.
You have counted to ten, left the room and bitten your tongue, and the anger still breaks through.
There is no single right time or correct reason to start working on anger. If your temper is shaping home life, if you are frightening people you love, or if you carry rage you never show, that is enough. You do not need a diagnosis, an ultimatum or a final warning first. In 22 years of practice I have worked with anger that roars and anger that hides, and I know when it has become a pattern willpower will not shift.
My view is that anger is information and also a responsibility. I will help you see what triggers it, what keeps it going and what has to change, and I will be direct about its effect on others. These 6 questions show how anger tends to work from the inside.
If it has, act now rather than after the next outburst. Anger often lives as a constant readiness for a fight: a tight jaw, raised shoulders, and a slow queue or a dawdling child felt as a personal attack. After the blow-up comes a crash of guilt and exhaustion, and the people around you start to tiptoe.
I would look at when the anger rises, how fast it climbs and what happens just before. That shows whether you are under unusual pressure or whether anger has become your familiar armour. If you see yourself here, book a session with me and we can examine it together.
Yes, and both parts make sense. One part is tired of swallowing everything and wants to say it, loudly. Another fears that opening the door would release something destructive, or cost you the people you love. So you hold it in until it bursts, then clamp down harder.
I treat neither part as the enemy. In Jungian terms, anger pushed out of sight lives in the shadow and grows there. I help you meet it safely in our sessions, feeling it fully without acting it out, and understand what each side protects. The aim is to let you choose how and when to use your anger.
Very often, yes. Under much anger lies a fear of not mattering. A partner scrolling while you speak, a friend forgetting your birthday or a colleague taking credit for your idea, and the hurt arrives so fast it comes out as fury.
Your need to be seen and respected is legitimate, and I will treat it that way. What I help you change is how quickly hurt turns into attack. We slow that moment down, find the fear beneath it and practise saying “that hurt me” before it becomes “you always do this”.
Many people do, and it is painful for everyone. You lose your temper with your partner or a parent, then feel dreadful and need to make up at once. You turn very warm, apologise repeatedly and ask whether they still love you. Closeness inflames the anger, and distance leaves you lonely.
I help you slow this cycle until we can see what flips you from wanting closeness to attacking it, often a moment of feeling dependent or controlled. I have real compassion for the fear behind it. I will also be clear that the harm of the outbursts is yours to own.
Not all anger is loud. When you feel crowded, criticised or pushed, you may freeze over, give clipped answers or disappear into your phone for the night. To the people around you, though, the silence can be as frightening as shouting.
I see the withdrawal as doing an important job, because it stops you exploding, and I will not ask you to give it up. I help you understand what it protects, so you can say something simple such as “I am too angry to talk now, give me an hour”. A clear pause is healthy. A wall of silence lasting days is not.
For some people, anger has been the only safe feeling for years. It may have carried you through a harsh childhood, a bullying workplace or a culture where softness was dangerous. Underneath, you may not know who you are without it.
I would help you explore what your anger has protected and what it has cost you. Through shadow work we turn to the tenderness, fear or grief that went out of sight. I offer direction and honest challenge without asking you to become soft or powerless. The aim is a fuller sense of yourself, your strength intact.
If this sounds like you, book a free call to talk it over first, or choose a session time if you are ready to start.
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Tell me briefly what kind of support you are looking for.
Include your country and time zone so we can discuss whether online work together is possible and find a suitable time.
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Understanding your anger matters, but the work also has to change what you do in the second it rises.
Working on your anger with me will help you understand what it is responding to, see the patterns that feed it and make changes your family, colleagues and friends will notice.
In 22 years of practice I have learned that anger work needs a therapist who is steady, direct and unafraid of strong feeling. I will not flinch from your anger, and I will not excuse it. Here are 6 things the work sets out to change.
For men: online anger management for men. Related reading: Why do I get so angry over small things?.
I help you separate the anger from what lies beneath it. The outbursts and resentment are real, but they are often the surface. Underneath you usually find something more exposed: humiliation, grief, a fear of being controlled or an old injustice nobody acknowledged.
I name what I think is driving it and challenge explanations that keep you stuck, such as “that is just who I am” or “they provoke me”. To find out what your own anger guards, book a session with me.
You can learn its early signs, and that is often where everything turns. Anger tends to build in stages: a tight chest, heat in the face, clenched hands, a sharper tone and a story forming, such as ‘they are doing this on purpose’. Catch the first stage and you gain a window to choose something other than an explosion.
In our sessions I help you map that sequence in detail. We agree a concrete plan, such as an announced time-out, a walk round the block or a set phrase, and you practise it until it holds at your own kitchen table.
Calming anger does not mean faking a smile or pretending you are not angry. It means staying present enough to feel it, understand what it is about and choose what to do. Regulation lets you hear it without flooding everyone around you.
I help you catch the surge earlier and understand what your nervous system is reacting to, often a threat your body remembers from long ago. This needs daily practice between our video sessions.
Clear speech starts with knowing what you feel, what you need and what is your responsibility. Anger tends to skip straight to blame, or it goes underground until the resentment is too big to hold. Either way, the real message, such as ‘I need help with the children’ or ‘I felt humiliated in that meeting’, never lands.
Together we look for words that fit the size of what happened. I will challenge you when you swallow what matters, and also when you make others responsible for managing your temper. We rehearse the actual conversation you dread until you can say it firmly at normal volume.
Decisions grow clearer when you separate the heat of the moment, old grudges and pride from what you actually know, need and value. Anger pushes towards fast, dramatic moves: quitting on the spot, ending a friendship by text, cutting off a relative. Often they are made to end an unbearable feeling.
I help you weigh your options, their likely consequences and what each asks of you. You get my professional view, and I will say so when anger is making the choice for you, but I will not make it myself. If the anger rests on a sense of being worthless, online shame therapy goes further into that root.
Lasting change has to show up outside our sessions. The test is your next Tuesday evening at home, your next disagreement with a manager and your next family holiday. You may need clearer limits at work, more rest or honest talks about old wounds.
Together we work out which reactions must go and which parts of your fire you need. Your strength, your sense of fairness and your ability to say no are worth keeping. The goal is not to remove your anger. It is to let it protect what matters instead of damaging it.
You can also send me an email
Your temper does not need to be tamed, or neatly explained, before we start. We start with how things stand now.
When you begin, I listen carefully, help you name the central difficulty and set a clear direction early. I do not expect a diagnosis, a polished account of your childhood or a vow never to lose your temper again. If anyone is being hurt or threatened, I will raise it plainly, because that comes first.
Online anger therapy is a focused strand of my online psychotherapy, structured individual work on your emotions, history and relationships. If the anger plays out mainly between you and a partner who is willing to work on it, and there is no violence, online couples therapy offers long-term relational development and healing. When the work will clearly take time, a therapy bundle brings real savings and the security of an agreed plan.
In the first session I ask what brought you now, how your anger shows itself, who feels it, what you have tried and what you want to be different.
Before we end, I give you my first understanding, propose a direction and, where needed, agree a simple plan for the coming week. If you would like to talk before booking, ask for a free 30-minute call.
Individual work is right when the anger lives mainly in you: in your body, your history, your sense of fairness and the way you react under strain. That holds even when it shows most at home.
Working one to one, I give you direction, continuity and honest challenge from session to session. If anger is one part of a wider picture, online psychotherapy describes my structured individual work as a whole.
Couples therapy fits better when the relationship itself needs sustained attention and both of you feel safe. If the same row returns week after week, if you both escalate, or if resentment has piled up on both sides, working together often helps more. If anyone is afraid, the individual work has to happen first.
In couples work I help you both see the cycle between you and own your share of it. Online couples therapy is long-term relational development and healing, and many people work on their own anger first and bring the relationship in later.
The pace depends on how strong the anger is, how much damage it is doing right now and how much continuity a deep habit needs. When outbursts are frequent, closer sessions at the start keep you on track.
I recommend weekly sessions at first. I will tell you honestly if the gaps are too long to hold the work, or if you are ready to meet less often. Several sessions can also run back-to-back over a few days, for example after a serious incident at home.
Choose a bundle once it is clear that your anger needs a run of sessions, not a single conversation. Anger can make you quit just as the work gets uncomfortable. A planned course removes that exit.
Paying for a set of sessions in advance lowers the cost of each and keeps you in the work on days your temper says walk out. After the first session I will tell you honestly whether a bundle suits you. The options are on therapy discounts and bundles.
Therapy has done its job when you have more ownership, clarity and choice, and your anger has changed enough that you can manage without the same support. Anger itself will stay, as it should. The difference is that you notice it early, say what is wrong and leave no damage behind.
We check regularly what has changed at home and at work, and I have no wish to keep you longer than you need. Sessions can become less frequent, pause or end. If life later hands you something new and you come back, that is a fresh piece of work, not a sign of failure.
Wondering whether this is where to start? Here is how online anger therapy sits beside the options people struggling with anger most often weigh up.
| Option | Choose it when | Pace |
|---|---|---|
| Online anger therapy (this page) | Your temper, irritation or resentment is hurting you or the people around you. | Weekly 1-hour video sessions at first |
| Online shame therapy | Under the anger lies a deep feeling of not being good enough. | Weekly video sessions, longer term |
| Online guilt therapy | Remorse after outbursts, or older guilt, weighs on you most. | A focused course of video sessions |
| Online stress therapy | You are overloaded, and the anger is mostly exhaustion boiling over. | A focused course of video sessions |
Online anger therapy with me is individual psychotherapy by video, in English, for adults whose anger, irritation or resentment has become a problem for them or the people around them. It goes further than techniques for keeping a lid on things, and helps you understand what your anger protects, where it began and how to express it responsibly.
I work in depth with your emotions, your body, your history and what you learned in your family. It is a sub-branch of online shame therapy within my online psychotherapy, because so much anger grows out of shame.
Come when your anger is costing you relationships, sleep or self-respect, when people around you seem wary, or when promises to change have not lasted. If you already sense it has gone too far, that sense is the signal.
I look at how often the anger erupts, how quickly it rises and how long you take to recover. Those 3 things tell me whether this is a hard patch or a pattern that needs proper work.
Yes, often it can. A lifelong temper is usually tied to what you learned early about power, safety and being heard, and that learning can be understood and changed as an adult. I will not promise a timetable for that change.
In my clinical experience, people who have always been angry are often relieved to find that the anger once made sense. We would ask what it shielded you from back then, and whether that danger still exists.
Then safety comes first, and I will say so plainly. If a partner, a child or anyone else has been hit, pushed, threatened or intimidated, stopping that and protecting them is the first task. This work assumes you take full responsibility for your behaviour, without excuses.
If you are ready for that, I can work with you individually on what drives the anger and on a concrete plan to prevent it happening again. I will not offer couples therapy while there is violence or fear in the relationship, and if you need a more specialised service I will tell you.
Each is a way of surviving a feeling that seems bigger than you. With people who feel safe, often those closest to you, the anger may come out loudly. With people who hold power over you, such as a boss or a parent, it may go underground into silence, sarcasm or slow resentment.
I help you see which way you move with whom, what each move is trying to achieve and what it costs. Then we work on steadier options: saying clearly what is wrong to people with power, and speaking with more care to the people nearest you.
We start with what is happening now. I ask you to walk me through one recent flare-up, or one evening you kept it all in, from start to finish. I ask about safety, and a little about how anger was handled when you were young. At the close I tell you plainly what I think drives your anger and where I would start.
You do not need to prepare or present yourself well. Arriving defensive or ashamed is fine. Book a first video session, or start with a free call to get a feel for how I work.
Plan for a course of weekly sessions over a few months rather than one conversation. That is usually enough to understand your pattern, build a plan for the hard moments and start to change what lies underneath.
Over 22 years of practice I have seen a defined first stretch, honestly reviewed, do far more good than open-ended drifting. We look together at what has changed and you decide with me whether to continue, space sessions out or stop.
Yes. Anger is very physical, and on screen I still watch your face, breathing and posture closely, and help you settle when it rises. The therapy also continues if you move or travel for work.
You need a private room where nobody can overhear, headphones and a stable connection. The booking calendar shows times in your local time zone. If you are unsure whether video suits you, we can talk it through on a free call.
Anger work is individual psychotherapy, booked as online sessions lasting one hour with 50 minutes of therapy. You will find the current fee in US dollars on my prices page.
If you expect several sessions, a therapy bundle saves you 10 per cent and gives you the security of a structured plan. See therapy discounts and bundles for the sizes on offer.
Pick a time and book your first session online, or ask for a free 30-minute call if you would like to size me up first.
If no time works, or something has just happened at home that frightened you, contact me directly. I keep a little room for acute cases, usually a time within days, and acute online psychotherapy explains how that works.
You can also send me an email
I want therapy to help you understand your experience and make choices you can use in everyday life. We pay attention to feelings, needs and the responses that happen before you have time to think.
Our online room should offer enough trust and honesty to explore what is difficult. I bring attention and professional judgement. You bring your experience, questions and the right to say when something does not fit.
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