In this short video, I explain why I treat a man’s anger as something to understand and give a direction, rather than only something to sit on, and what that means when we meet by video.
You can also send me an email
Online anger management for men helps men whose temper is costing them at home, at work or behind the wheel, and who want to understand it and change what they do with it. I call it anger management because that is what most men search for, but what I offer is psychotherapy for your anger, not a course, a group or a set programme. We meet one to one by video, in English, in 1-hour sessions with 50 minutes of therapy, booked to fit your time zone.
If anyone is being hurt or is afraid of you, safety comes first, and that is where we start. Then I help you see what lights the fuse, what sits underneath it and how to keep your strength while dropping the harm. You will find it among the main branches of my online psychotherapy for men.
You can book a free 30-minute call, go straight to a session, read my client policy or message me.
Online anger management for men is for men whose anger has begun to scare them, or the people around them, more than it helps. You can be a devoted father, a hard worker and a loyal mate and still go from nought to furious in a heartbeat. You want to know why it happens, and to be the one deciding what you do with it.
Anger takes many forms, and some of them call for a different first step. If one of these lines sounds more like you, the linked page will serve you better.
You can also send me an email
These reviews describe clients’ experiences of working with me. They come from my wider practice and do not all relate to online sessions. Each person’s experience is their own, and a review does not promise a particular outcome.
“In my experience, the angry men who find their way to me are not short of strength. They are short of a direction for it. Most of them have heard “calm down” since boyhood, and it has never once worked. What I meet is force without a purpose, striking out at whatever is closest: a driver, a child, a partner, or the man in the mirror. Under the heat there is usually a plea, ‘Does anyone here actually take me seriously?’, and right beside it a warning, ‘Back off and let me cool down on my own.’ Some men carry both together: ‘Stay with me, and do not come any closer.’ Once a man knows what his anger is guarding, he can guard it without wrecking anything.”
Mark Colclough, MA, psychotherapist and EFT couples therapist
I am Mark Colclough, MA. I have practised since 2004 and offer online psychotherapy and couples therapy in English.
My training brings together your emotions, your thoughts and your relationships. My deep passion is the moment when what happens between you finally makes sense, to each of you and to each other. I have lived and worked in nine countries, so I know something of life across languages, cultures and borders.
Read about my background, or explore online psychotherapy and online couples therapy.
I meet regularly with experienced psychotherapists to reflect on my work, question my understanding and develop my skills. Supervision is part of the professional care I bring to individual and couples work, including online sessions.
My focus is thoughtful practice, integrity and responsibility.
You are welcome to ask about the kind of support you need.
Tell me where you are based and your time zone. We can then consider whether online sessions together are suitable.
Adam is 46, grew up in Cape Town and runs a small building company in Auckland. A client is 3 months behind on paying, a new apprentice keeps getting measurements wrong, and the ute broke down on Monday. On Thursday he yelled at the apprentice in front of a homeowner. That night, when his wife asked about the overdraft, he slammed his hand into the pantry door. Nobody was hurt, but she told him quietly that he had frightened her. He has barely slept since.
I would begin with safety: what Adam will do the next time he feels it rising, so nobody at home has to be afraid. Then we would go through Thursday slowly. In a first video session he would probably see how much fear and shame he is carrying about the business, and how fast that turns to heat.
I have presented this clinical example as a compound of 22 years of clinical practice.
You have sworn to yourself that it will not happen again, more times than you can count, and still it happens.
There is no proper time to start on your temper, and no reason too minor. If your anger is reaching the people you love, your work or your own peace of mind, you have reason enough. You need no diagnosis, no court letter and no disaster first. In 22 years of practice I have sat with a great many men who were ashamed of their anger, and I can tell when a quick temper has set into a pattern that calls for real work.
I usually start with one recent outburst and walk through it with you slowly, from the very first flicker of tension. These 6 questions can help you judge whether your anger needs attention now.
If it is, treat that as a signal. Perhaps colleagues have stopped bringing you bad news, your children go quiet when your key turns in the door, or you have come close to an accident.
I would map where the anger appears, how often and what tends to come just before it. If that sounds like your week, book a session with me.
Both can be true, and each is defending something. The angry part frequently has a point: something really was unjust, someone really did not listen. The ashamed part sees the price, the frightened looks and the trust that has worn thin.
Neither part is the enemy in our work. Anger often carries an important message, and shame is evidence that you care. I help you hear what each is protecting, so you can keep the message of the anger and change the way it is delivered.
For a lot of men it does. Being talked over on a work call, a partner scrolling while you speak, a customer who treats you as invisible: any of these can bring a wave of heat. Beneath it there is often a fear of not counting, and anger arrives in its place.
Wanting respect and wanting to be taken seriously are fair needs, and I will not make you feel small for having them. I help you notice the alarm earlier, recognise the hurt that drives it and ask for respect in words, before the heat does the talking for you.
That swing is very common. You come home longing for warmth and a bit of quiet, and when the kids run at you or your partner starts telling you about her day, you feel crowded and bite. Then guilt, amends, and the same again next week.
I help you find the moment when closeness tips into pressure, and what that moment stirs in you. I feel real compassion for that reaction, and I will also hold you responsible for the outbursts, so that you learn to ask for 10 minutes to land rather than pushing the people you love away.
Lots of men do. As feelings or demands climb, you take yourself off: a hard run, a night of gaming, a drink to blunt the edges. The cost is that nobody, you included, ever finds out what is really going on.
I will not shame you for needing distance. I help you understand what the retreat is protecting, and how to say plainly when you need time out and when you will be back, so the distance does not harden into a wall.
Often it is. When your worth rests on earning, winning and performing, every setback lands as a threat to who you are. Sam Keen’s “Fire in the Belly” traces how a man’s identity gets fused with work, achievement and competition, and how feeling, friendship and care get crowded out.
Together we ask what you are still trying to prove, and to whom, and I leave the answer of who to be in your hands. I will challenge you when results become your only measure, and help you work out what kind of life, work and relationships fit the man you want to be.
If you recognise yourself here, a free call is a low-key way to begin, or you can book a session now.
You can also send me an email
Tell me briefly what kind of support you are looking for.
Include your country and time zone so we can discuss whether online work together is possible and find a suitable time.
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Understanding your anger matters, but the true test is the next time you feel it climbing.
Working on your anger with me will help you see what sets it off, understand what keeps the cycle turning and change what you do once it rises. Insight that changes nothing at home is not enough.
I take an active part. I tell you what I notice, give you concrete things to practise and challenge you when you start explaining away what happened. Psychotherapy is my core training. For my own growth I have also studied men’s work since 2010, and it has added to and deepened that training, with Eli Buren, a dear friend and mentor, as a central influence. I have sat in his work many times. On anger I draw on Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette’s “King, Warrior, Magician, Lover”, where the Warrior is a man’s ability to act and hold a boundary, and its shadow is force that turns cruel or turns inward. These 6 questions describe what we work towards.
Related reading: Why do I get so angry over small things? and Why do I get so defensive with my partner?.
I help you pull the anger apart from what feeds it. Around it there is often stress, poor sleep or drinking, and at its core a feeling that is much harder to show: humiliation, fear, grief, or a sense of letting down the people you love.
I give you my honest view of what is happening, and I question lines like “I have just always had a short fuse”. We trace where the pattern began, often with a father who exploded, or a home where anger was the only feeling anyone was allowed. If you want to find the feeling under your own temper, book a session with me.
You can learn to catch it early. There is almost always a run-up: a clenched jaw, a hot face, quicker breathing, a familiar thought such as “not this again”.
In our sessions I help you replay a recent outburst slowly and map it step by step. Then we agree what you will do at the first signal, such as stepping outside or saying you need 10 minutes, and you practise it until it becomes second nature.
Cooling down is not about swallowing the anger or pretending all is well. It is about staying present enough to choose what you do next. Anger is fast and physical, so we start with the body.
I help you notice the rise sooner and find ways of settling that suit you, from breathing and movement to simply leaving the room in time. I will also be clear that you need to practise between our sessions, because that is where the new habit is laid down.
Firmness starts with knowing what you feel and need, and saying it while it is still small. Many angry men say nothing for too long, then everything at once and far too loud.
I help you find words that are clear, specific and in proportion. A mature Warrior holds a line without attacking anyone. I will challenge you when you bottle things up, and also when you expect the people around you to manage your mood.
Better decisions come once you separate the heat of the moment from what you actually think and value. The email sent in fury often looks very different the next morning.
I help you look at the decision once you are calm, weigh what follows from it and choose what you can stand behind. You will get my view, and I will name it when anger is doing the deciding, but the choice is yours.
It looks like a man others can lean on. You still feel anger, and you still stand up for what matters, but your family no longer braces when you walk in. New routines help: a buffer after work, less alcohol, more sleep, a friend you can talk to.
We sort out together which habits must go and which deserve to stay. Your drive, your sense of fairness and your urge to protect are not the problem. The aim is for them to serve your values, so you can be strong without leaving damage behind you.
You can also send me an email
Nobody expects a polished account or a defence from you. We begin with the latest time it happened.
My first task is to listen, make sure nobody at home is in danger and put a name, with you, to the pattern at the centre. The work has a direction from the first hour, and it needs no diagnosis or full biography.
This is part of my online psychotherapy, structured individual work on how you feel and act. If the anger lives in your relationship, nobody is frightened and your partner wants to take part, online couples therapy offers long-term relational development and healing. A therapy bundle adds savings and a fixed plan.
I want to know why you are reaching out now, how the anger shows itself, who bears the brunt, what you have already tried and what you hope will change. Where someone feels unsafe, we settle first on what you will do when the heat comes. Your life story can wait.
Before the hour ends, you hear my reading of your anger and my suggested starting point, and you judge whether my way of working fits. To talk before you book, book a free 30-minute call.
Work on your own makes sense when the anger travels with you, whoever ends up on the receiving end. It almost always began before your present job or relationship, so nobody else needs to join the call. Where someone has been scared or hurt, solo work is also the place to start.
Week by week I hold the thread and call out excuses honestly when they appear. Online psychotherapy explains how this fits my structured individual work.
Couples therapy can help once nobody is afraid, when the relationship itself needs sustained work: the same rows keep returning, trust has worn thin or you are locked in a cycle of attack and retreat.
In couples work I help you both see that cycle, own your parts and build safer ways of being together. Online couples therapy is long-term relational development and healing, and many men work on their anger alone first.
That turns on how serious things are and how much is riding on them. Where the anger is scaring people now, sessions close together at the beginning are wise.
My usual advice is weekly at first, moving to fortnightly as things settle. I will be straight with you if the gaps are too wide, or when meeting less often is safe. When you need a strong start, a few back-to-back sessions over 2 or 3 days are another option.
Choose a bundle once you know a run of sessions lies ahead and you would like to commit to it up front. When your family is watching to see whether you are serious, a booked course answers the question.
A bundle lowers what each session costs and gives the work a clear structure. You can compare the options on therapy discounts and bundles, and I am happy to help you estimate what you need.
We are finished when you can feel anger rise without acting it out, when the people around you have stopped watching you warily, and when you trust yourself under pressure without me in the background.
Progress is reviewed openly, and I do not want you relying on me. Sessions can become less frequent, pause or stop once the job is done, and coming back years later with a new difficulty would not undo it.
Not sure this is where to start? Here is how it compares with the nearest options for men.
| Option | Choose it when | Pace |
|---|---|---|
| Online anger management for men (this page) | Your temper is costing you, and you want to understand and change it. | Weekly 1-hour video sessions at first |
| Online therapy for depression in men | Irritability sits on top of low mood, numbness or exhaustion. | Video sessions, weekly at first |
| Online therapy for men in relationships | You want to work on yourself as a partner more widely. | Video sessions at a pace you choose |
| Online psychotherapy for men | Anger is one of several things you want to look at. | Video sessions over months |
It is individual psychotherapy by video, in English, for men whose temper is causing harm or fear. I do not run an anger management course, a group or a programme with fixed modules. We work on what triggers your anger, what lies beneath it and what you do with it.
My page on online anger therapy is for anyone whose anger costs them, while this page is about men, and about how anger so often becomes the one feeling a man lets himself show.
The time is now if your anger scares people, harms your work or leaves you full of shame, or if your promises to change keep breaking. Waiting for something worse helps nobody, and your own unease is reason enough.
I look at how often it happens, who it lands on and whether it is escalating. If it is escalating, do not wait.
Often, yes, although the pace is impossible to promise. A temper you have had since boyhood was usually learned, from a father who erupted or from a household where feelings were never talked about. Learned patterns can be understood and reshaped with patient work.
In my clinical experience, men who have always been angry tend to discover a deep store of old hurt beneath the heat. With you I would put safety and new habits first, then turn to what the anger has spent all these years protecting.
Safety is the first priority, without exception. If a person is being harmed or lives in fear of you, stopping that comes before everything else, and we agree on specific steps you will take straight away.
I work with you on the anger and what drives it, and I hold you to account for your actions without treating you as a monster. Where there has been violence between you and a partner, couples sessions are the wrong starting point, and individual work comes first.
Because the tiny thing is almost never the real thing. Strain, exhaustion and hurt you have not voiced collect quietly, and a knocked-over glass or a slow reply sets the whole lot off. Then shame floods in, and shame tends to sharpen your temper rather than soften it.
We trace what has been accumulating and find ways to deal with it sooner, before it all bursts out together. The shame gets attention too, because self-hatred after every outburst makes change harder, not easier.
We go through recent events, who has been affected and what you most want to change. Where needed, we draw up a safety plan for the next 7 days. Expect a question or 2 about how anger worked in your childhood home. You leave knowing how I read your anger and what I propose.
Nobody expects you to be prepared or to make a good impression. Once you have decided to face it, book your first session or start with a free 30-minute call.
Plan on a first run of weekly sessions across a couple of months. That is usually long enough to put safety habits in place and begin on what lies beneath. Where the anger is entangled with old trauma or heavy drinking, it takes longer.
From 22 years of practice, I find a clear first stretch with an honest review works far better than vague, open-ended therapy. At that review we weigh up what is different at home and at work, then choose the next step together.
Come on your own first. Many men start because a partner, a friend or an employer has said something, and that is a fine reason. This is your work, and you will do it more honestly without someone you have hurt beside you. Video works well for it: you need a private room, headphones and a reliable connection.
Later, if nobody is afraid and you both want it, couples therapy by video can be a next step. Unsure which format fits? A free call is a good place to decide.
Individual psychotherapy is booked as 1-hour online sessions with 50 minutes of therapy, and you can see the current fees in US dollars on my prices page.
Plan a series and a bundle takes 10 per cent off while giving the work a structured plan. The details are on therapy discounts and bundles.
Book a first session online, or ask for a free 30-minute call if you want to talk first. Times on the calendar are shown in your own local time.
When it feels urgent, or none of the times work, write to me directly. I keep some room for acute situations, usually a time within days, and acute online psychotherapy describes that help. Choose a time, and we begin with the most recent outburst.
You can also send me an email
I want therapy to help you understand your experience and make choices you can use in everyday life. We pay attention to feelings, needs and the responses that happen before you have time to think.
Our online room should offer enough trust and honesty to explore what is difficult. I bring attention and professional judgement. You bring your experience, questions and the right to say when something does not fit.
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P.S. I’ll call you in a bit!
