In this short video, I explain how emotion-focused therapy helps you understand feelings that seem out of proportion, unclear or lost in translation since you moved abroad.
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EFT psychotherapy, living abroad helps you understand and work with the feelings your international life brings up, rather than only coping with them. It is emotion-focused therapy for one person: individual 1-hour sessions by video, in English, with 50 minutes of therapy, at a time that fits your time zone.
I help you find the feeling beneath the reaction, the need beneath the feeling and a response that fits the life you live now. This is part of psychotherapy for people living abroad, within my online psychotherapy. If the feelings have turned into a crisis this week, acute EFT psychotherapy, living abroad is the faster route.
You can book a free 30-minute call, choose a session time, read my client policy or get in touch with me.
EFT psychotherapy, living abroad is for English-speaking adults abroad whose feelings have become hard to understand, hard to express or hard to manage. You want to work directly with those emotions, by video, with a therapist who knows what life between cultures does to the inner world.
Emotion-focused work suits steady, ongoing exploration. Where a line below sounds closer to your situation, its link leads to a page written for it.
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These reviews describe clients’ experiences of working with me. They come from my wider practice and do not all relate to online sessions. Each person’s experience is their own, and a review does not promise a particular outcome.
“Of all the people who find me online, the ones who live abroad are often the most practised at explaining their feelings and the least practised at feeling them. A second language makes that easy. It puts a pane of glass between you and the hurt. I hold a strong view here: the explanation is not the work. Beneath it I hear one voice asking ‘Does anyone here really know me?’ and another saying ‘I can deal with this myself, I just need some quiet.’ Often there is a third, torn between them: ‘Come and find me, and do not look too closely.’ When we slow down and let the feeling speak in its own words, even in your mother tongue, things begin to move.”
Mark Colclough, MA, psychotherapist and EFT couples therapist
I am Mark Colclough, MA. I have practised since 2004 and offer online psychotherapy and couples therapy in English.
My training brings together your emotions, your thoughts and your relationships. My deep passion is the moment when what happens between you finally makes sense, to each of you and to each other. I have lived and worked in nine countries, so I know something of life across languages, cultures and borders.
Read about my background, or explore online psychotherapy and online couples therapy.
I meet regularly with experienced psychotherapists to reflect on my work, question my understanding and develop my skills. Supervision is part of the professional care I bring to individual and couples work, including online sessions.
My focus is thoughtful practice, integrity and responsibility.
You are welcome to ask about the kind of support you need.
Tell me where you are based and your time zone. We can then consider whether online sessions together are suitable.
Martina is 36, an Italian architect who moved to Amsterdam with her Dutch partner 4 years ago. She is good at her job and speaks fluent Dutch, yet she snaps at her partner over small things and then feels mortified. At family dinners she smiles while feeling invisible. When her mother calls from Bologna, she hangs up and cries without knowing why.
I would start with a recent moment of irritation and slow it right down, asking what she felt just before it. In the first video session, Martina would probably discover that under the anger sits a sharp loneliness, and a fear that her real self has no place in the life she has built.
I have presented this clinical example as a compound of 22 years of clinical practice.
You have tried to reason your way through your feelings abroad, and they keep returning, louder each time.
There is no right time and no required reason to begin. A sense that your feelings no longer make sense, that you react more than you would like or that you have gone numb is enough. You need no diagnosis and no clear explanation first. In 22 years of practice I have seen how strongly culture shapes the way people show need, anger and tenderness, and I recognise when emotions abroad need proper attention.
In sessions I usually begin by finding the emotion underneath what is happening, then what keeps it stuck and what needs to change. These 6 questions will help you decide whether this is the right work for you.
If they are, take it seriously. Fear, anger, grief or shame may be affecting your sleep, your focus at work or how present you can be with others. You may look fine from the outside while using most of your energy to hold things together inside.
I would look at which emotion is most active, what tends to set it off and whether it rises and falls or never lifts. That shows whether this is passing strain or a pattern that needs work. Book a session with me and we can begin there.
Both feelings can be true, because each guards something real. One part of you wants to belong in your new country, to speak its language and follow its codes. Another part grieves the version of you that laughs louder, argues more freely or simply feels at home.
I do not treat either side as the problem. In emotion-focused work we let each part speak and listen to what it needs. I help you understand what fitting in protects and what holding on protects, so that your choices about who to be are made on purpose.
A delayed reply from a friend at home, or a partner who seems distant at dinner, can feel like a door closing. You go over it, check for signs and seek reassurance that fades quickly. Living far from your oldest relationships makes these moments sharper.
Your need for closeness is not too much, and I will not treat it as weakness. I help you reach the fear beneath the urgency, settle yourself and ask for contact clearly. We look at what reassurance can give you, and what it cannot.
You may move quickly from longing to anger to numbness, sometimes within an evening. One moment you want to call home, the next you want nobody near you. It feels confusing even to you, and harder still in a second language.
I slow these shifts down with you, so we can see what sets each one off. The aim is not to choose one feeling as the true one, but to steady yourself enough to hear what each is saying. I will be compassionate about why the swings happen, and clear about responses that harm you or others.
Some people abroad cope by shutting down. When feeling rises, you become efficient, numb or lost for words, especially in a language that is not your own. It protects you in the moment, but important needs go unanswered.
My view is that shutting down is a protective response, not a failing. I help you approach the feeling at a pace you can manage, understand what the numbness guards and stay in contact without being flooded. You learn to notice when you are leaving, and to say so.
Shame can turn a hard season into a verdict on who you are. You may hide how much you struggle, tell everyone back home that it is wonderful, or become harsh with yourself for not adapting faster. Adapting this much has asked a lot of you, and that is not evidence of failure.
I help you separate real responsibility from self-condemnation and reach the vulnerable feeling beneath the shame. I offer direction and challenge, but no ready-made answer about who you should be. The aim is a clearer, kinder relationship with yourself and a life abroad that fits.
If you recognise yourself here, book a free call to ask your questions, or choose a session time if you are ready to start.
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Tell me briefly what kind of support you are looking for.
Include your country and time zone so we can discuss whether online work together is possible and find a suitable time.
You do not need to explain your whole story in your first message.
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Understanding your feelings is important, but the work must also change how you respond, speak and decide in daily life.
Working with your emotions alongside me will help you name what you feel accurately, understand the needs underneath and change reactions that no longer fit your life. Insight matters only when it leads to a different way of living, so I keep the work grounded in your actual week.
In 22 years of practice I have found that emotion-focused work needs an active therapist. I stay close to your experience in the moment, notice when you step away from it and gently bring you back. The 6 questions below show what we work towards.
Related reading: Why do I still miss home when I love my life here? and How do I deal with a feeling that feels too big?.
Difficult moments rarely contain one clean feeling. Anger may cover hurt, numbness may cover fear, and shame may make a reasonable need feel unacceptable. Living in another culture can add another layer, because you may have learned that some feelings are not shown here.
I help you tell the core feeling apart from the reactions built around it, and I will say what I see. That gives you something real to respond to, instead of the loudest surface reaction. Book a session with me, and we can start with one recent moment.
By learning its first signals. A reaction usually builds: heat in the face, a tight throat, a thought such as “they never listen to me here”, a pull to snap or withdraw. Spotting the first sign gives you a moment to choose.
In our sessions I help you slow the sequence down and find what triggers it and what it protects. Noticing is not enough. We practise a different response together, until you can use it at a tense family dinner or in a meeting conducted in your second language.
Regulating a feeling means staying present enough to understand it and choose how to act. It does not mean forcing yourself calm or deciding the feeling is unreasonable.
I help you notice the rise sooner, slow it and stay in touch with your own judgement. Often the body knows first, so we pay attention to it. Between sessions you will practise briefly every day. That steady practice is your responsibility, and it is where much of the change takes root.
Clear expression starts with knowing what you feel and need. Abroad, that can be harder: the words that carry your feelings may belong to another language, and the local style may be more direct or more reserved than yours.
I help you find wording that is honest and proportionate, and you are welcome to reach for your mother tongue when English falls short. I challenge you when you keep quiet to avoid friction, and when you expect others to guess what you need.
Clearer decisions come when you separate panic, guilt and imagined disasters from what you actually know. Some feelings carry useful information about what you need. Others repeat an older danger that no longer applies.
I help you look at your options and what each would ask of you, from career to family. I will give my honest view and point out avoidance, but the decision stays yours. It should rest on your values, needs and present reality.
Change should show in how you speak, set limits, recover after a hard day and stay present when things are difficult. You should notice more choice before an old reaction takes over, at home and at work.
I help you carry what happens in our sessions into specific actions in your week. The goal is not permanent calm, nor to remove part of who you are. It is a stronger ability to understand yourself and respond well, in whichever country you live.
You can also send me an email
You do not need a diagnosis, perfect English or a complete history. We begin with the feeling that is pressing on you now.
When you begin, I listen carefully, help you find the emotional centre of the difficulty and give our work a clear direction. You do not have to explain your whole life before we start.
Emotion-focused work is one strand of my online psychotherapy, structured individual work on your inner life and relationships. If the feelings live mainly between you and your partner and both of you are ready, online couples therapy offers long-term relational development and healing. When you know the work will take time, a therapy bundle gives you savings and the safety of a plan.
I ask what has brought you to therapy, which feelings are hardest to understand or manage, what you have tried and what you want to change. Often we look at one recent moment in detail.
As the hour closes, I tell you how I understand what is happening and where I think we should go next. You can then decide whether this way of working suits you. If you would like to talk first, book a free 30-minute call.
Individual work fits when the focus is your own emotions, history, identity or way of coping abroad. We can explore your relationships thoroughly with nobody else on the call.
I offer direction, continuity and honest challenge each week. If you want my individual work in its widest form, online psychotherapy describes it.
Couples therapy suits you better when the relationship itself needs sustained attention. If arguments return in the same shape, if trust has been damaged or if one of you reaches while the other withdraws, both of you usually need to be there.
In couples work I help you understand the cycle and build safer ways of relating. Online couples therapy is long-term relational development and healing, often valuable for couples from different cultures.
The right pace depends on how strong the feelings are, how much room your life has and how much continuity the work needs.
I usually recommend weekly sessions at first, because emotional work deepens through regular contact. I will tell you if gaps are too long, or when we can safely meet less often. If your schedule abroad is irregular, sessions can also be grouped back-to-back.
A bundle makes sense once you know the work will take several sessions and you want continuity without deciding each time whether to go on. Emotion-focused work usually needs that steadiness.
A bundle lowers what you pay per session and secures a plan agreed in advance. See therapy discounts and bundles, and I will help you choose a size that fits.
The work is finished when you can understand and tolerate your central feelings without being pulled into the same storm, and you have more choice in how you respond.
We look at progress together, out loud, and I have no interest in keeping you in therapy longer than it helps. We may space sessions out, pause or stop. If you come back later with something new, it means life has moved on, not that our earlier work failed.
Not sure this is the right starting point? This table sets emotion-focused work abroad beside its 3 nearest neighbours.
| Option | Choose it when | Pace |
|---|---|---|
| EFT psychotherapy, living abroad (this page) | Feelings stirred by life abroad have become hard to understand or manage. | Weekly 1-hour video sessions at first |
| EFT online psychotherapy | You want emotion-focused work, and living abroad is not the main theme. | Weekly 1-hour video sessions |
| Acute EFT psychotherapy, living abroad | Strong feelings have become a crisis this week. | Video sessions close together at first |
| Psychotherapy for people living abroad | You want broad depth work on your life abroad. | 1-hour video sessions at your pace |
It is individual psychotherapy using emotion-focused therapy, by video and in English, for adults whose feelings are being shaped by life between cultures. It helps you understand what your emotions are telling you, rather than only managing them.
I help you find the feeling beneath the reaction and the need beneath the feeling, and to respond in a way that fits your life now. You will find it under psychotherapy for people living abroad, the wider branch for international lives.
Come when your feelings are affecting your sleep, work, relationships or decisions, or when you feel strangely numb. If your usual ways of coping have stopped working, that is reason enough.
I look at which feelings are most active, how long they have been building and what they are stopping you from doing. I can usually tell you after the first session what I think is going on.
No, not exactly. Here it means emotion-focused therapy for one person: individual work on your own feelings and needs. EFT for couples works on the bond between 2 partners. They share roots, but the focus differs.
I trained at the EFT Institute in Copenhagen and bring that training into individual work, alongside my wider depth-oriented approach. If you want help as a couple, online couples therapy is the place to start.
Yes. Numbness is often a protective response, not an absence of feeling. Many people abroad go numb because there has been no safe place to let feelings out.
I help you approach what lies beneath the numbness carefully. You will not be pushed into strong feelings before you are ready to work with them.
These are 2 ways of trying to stay safe. Some people flare up to be heard, others shut down to protect themselves, and many do both. It is learned, not a flaw in your character.
I help you see which moves you make under pressure, what each one guards and what it costs you and others. Then we practise steadier ways of letting feelings be known.
We start with what feels most pressing. Usually I invite you to describe one evening, conversation or call abroad that left you shaken or empty, and we go through it slowly. When we finish, you will know what I make of it and what I propose we do next.
You do not need to prepare or find perfect words. Book your first session, or start with a free 30-minute call.
Plan for a course of weekly sessions over a few months rather than a single conversation. Feelings that have built up over years abroad, or that reach back into childhood, usually need longer.
In 22 years of practice I have found that a clear first stretch, reviewed honestly, works far better than drifting. At each review we decide together whether to continue, slow down or end.
Yes, for most people. Working from your own room can make it easier to let feelings surface, and video keeps your therapy going when you move country or travel.
You need a private room, headphones, a stable connection and a laptop or tablet, plus a few quiet minutes afterwards. If home is crowded, a parked car or a booked room can work. The calendar shows times in your own time zone, and practical questions can be answered on a free call.
Emotion-focused work with me is individual psychotherapy, booked as 1-hour online sessions that give you 50 minutes of therapy. Current fees, in US dollars, appear on my prices page.
When you expect the work to take a while, a therapy bundle saves you 10 per cent and gives you a structured plan. The options are on therapy discounts and bundles.
Book your first session in the calendar, or request a free 30-minute call if you would like to talk first. Times appear in your own time zone.
If no time suits you, or the feelings have become acute, write to me directly. I hold some room for acute cases, described on acute EFT psychotherapy, living abroad. Choose a time, and we will begin with what you feel now.
You can also send me an email
I want therapy to help you understand your experience and make choices you can use in everyday life. We pay attention to feelings, needs and the responses that happen before you have time to think.
Our online room should offer enough trust and honesty to explore what is difficult. I bring attention and professional judgement. You bring your experience, questions and the right to say when something does not fit.
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P.S. I’ll call you in a bit!
