In this short video, I explain why loneliness is rarely about a lack of people, and what we look at together so that connection can start to feel possible again.
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Online loneliness therapy helps you when the distance between you and other people has started to hurt, in an empty flat, in a new city or in the middle of a family dinner. It is just the 2 of us, by video, in English: a 1-hour booking with 50 minutes of therapy, at a time that matches your time zone.
We work out what makes letting people in so difficult for you, where that difficulty was first learned, and what kinds of bonds would genuinely feed you. I do not diagnose or prescribe. On my site it belongs with online depression therapy inside my online psychotherapy.
You might try a free 30-minute call before committing, or simply choose a session. My client policy explains the practical terms, and you can reach me by message any time.
Online loneliness therapy is for English-speaking adults, wherever they are in the world, for whom being alone has stopped being restful and started to ache. It may be a recent move, friendships that faded in your thirties, or a full life in which no one sees the real you. You would like to know what stands between you and other people, and how to cross that gap.
Feeling alone sometimes points to a different problem first. Where one of these lines fits, its link is the better door.
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These reviews describe clients’ experiences of working with me. They come from my wider practice and do not all relate to online sessions. Each person’s experience is their own, and a review does not promise a particular outcome.
“Across the 9 countries I have lived and worked in, I have felt loneliness in several languages, and I am convinced that most lonely people are told the wrong thing. They are told to get out more. Yet the problem is rarely a shortage of people. It is that letting someone in feels risky, so you stay pleasant and unreachable at once. Underneath, one voice keeps asking ‘Why does nobody think of calling me?’, and another answers ‘It is easier if I do not need anyone.’ Both deserve to be heard. When we understand what each is guarding, reaching towards people stops feeling like a test you are bound to fail.”
Mark Colclough, MA, psychotherapist and EFT couples therapist
I am Mark Colclough, MA. I have practised since 2004 and offer online psychotherapy and couples therapy in English.
My training brings together your emotions, your thoughts and your relationships. My deep passion is the moment when what happens between you finally makes sense, to each of you and to each other. I have lived and worked in nine countries, so I know something of life across languages, cultures and borders.
Read about my background, or explore online psychotherapy and online couples therapy.
I meet regularly with experienced psychotherapists to reflect on my work, question my understanding and develop my skills. Supervision is part of the professional care I bring to individual and couples work, including online sessions.
My focus is thoughtful practice, integrity and responsibility.
You are welcome to ask about the kind of support you need.
Tell me where you are based and your time zone. We can then consider whether online sessions together are suitable.
Gabriel is 39, a Brazilian data engineer who moved to Zurich 5 years ago with his partner, who left 2 years later. He is liked at work and plays five-a-side on Thursdays. Afterwards the others go for a beer, and he says he has an early start. At home he cooks for one, eats at his laptop and watches football from Brazil late into the night. When his mother asks on WhatsApp whether he has made friends, he sends a photo of the lake instead of an answer.
I would start with that moment after football, when Gabriel says he has an early start. In a first video session he would probably see that the polite exit is an old move, one he learned as the quiet middle child in a loud family in Porto Alegre, long before he ever left Brazil.
I have presented this clinical example as a compound of 22 years of clinical practice.
You have joined, reached out and tried again, and still the feeling of being on the outside will not shift.
There is no right moment and no qualifying reason to start therapy for loneliness. The ache of feeling unseen is reason enough. You do not need a diagnosis, a crisis or a complete explanation before we meet. Over 22 years of practice, and many years living abroad myself, I have come to recognise when ordinary solitude has turned into a pattern that deserves real attention.
I will help you understand what is happening, what keeps you at a distance and what needs to change. Use the 6 questions below to judge whether your own isolation calls for that help now.
If they do, take it seriously. Weekdays have structure, colleagues and tasks. Then Friday comes, and the hours stretch. You plan errands to get out of the flat, keep the television on for company and feel the silence settle when you turn it off.
I would look at how long this has lasted, what your weeks used to hold and what changed. That helps us see whether this is a passing gap after a move or a long pattern of keeping people at arm’s length. If this sounds familiar, book a session with me and we can begin to understand it.
Both reactions can be real, because each looks after a different need. One part of you longs to belong and be known. Another feels exposed in company, tired by small talk or afraid of being too much, and breathes out when the evening is cancelled.
I do not treat the relieved part as the enemy. My psychosynthesis training taught me that a part which wants to hide usually has something worth saying. I help you understand what the longing asks for and what the relief protects, so you can choose contact that suits you instead of avoiding it by default.
Silence from others is loud when you already feel left out. A friend who is slow to reply, a group chat that goes quiet or an invitation that never comes can feel like proof that you are forgotten. You check, wait, reread and wonder what you did wrong.
Wanting to count in someone’s life is a fair wish, and I will treat it as one. What I help you change is the leap from silence to rejection. We look at where that fear first took hold, often in childhood or in an earlier move, and you practise reaching out without needing an instant reply to feel safe.
Yes, many lonely people do. You enjoy a new friendship, accept an invitation, maybe share something personal, and then feel exposed. You go quiet, cancel or become busy. Wanting closeness and fearing it can arrive in the same week.
In sessions I slow this pattern down so we can find the moment closeness starts to feel dangerous. It is often the point at which someone might see your neediness, or might leave. I respect what the retreat protects, and I will also ask you to notice how it leaves possible friends unsure of where they stand.
Sometimes the very thing you miss also feels overwhelming. A friend’s problems, a busy dinner or a colleague who wants to chat can drain you fast. So you keep conversations light, stay practical or simply stay home, and the distance grows.
My view is that needing space is legitimate, and there is no shame in it. We look at what the distance spares you, so that you can bear company for longer before you need to leave. You learn to say “I can come for an hour” instead of not coming at all.
Living between countries, or adapting for years to what others expect, can leave you unsure where you fit. When you visit home you feel changed, and where you live now you still feel foreign. Over time you may lose touch with what you want from friendship at all. That is the cost of long adaptation, not a flaw in you.
I help you look at what belonging has meant in your life, what you learned about it in your family and what kind of connection truly suits you. I will challenge you when you write yourself off as unlikeable, but I will not tell you who to be. The aim is a clearer sense of yourself and of the relationships you want.
If you saw yourself here, a free call lets you meet me without commitment, and a session lets you begin straight away.
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Tell me briefly what kind of support you are looking for.
Include your country and time zone so we can discuss whether online work together is possible and find a suitable time.
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Insight into your isolation is a beginning, yet the real test is whether you start to reach out and let people closer.
Working with me on loneliness will help you understand what is happening, see the patterns that keep you apart and make changes you can feel in your relationships. Understanding where the loneliness comes from is valuable. It only helps fully when something in how you approach people begins to change.
In 22 years of practice I have found that lonely people need a therapist who is genuinely present, not a distant listener. I will engage with you, tell you what I notice and question beliefs that keep you on the outside. Here are 6 questions that set out where we are heading.
For men: online therapy for lonely men and online therapy and men’s groups. Related reading: Why am I lonely even with people around me?, Why do I still feel lonely when I have friends? and Why do people like me but not really know me?.
I help you distinguish the core difficulty from its consequences. Quiet weekends and few invitations are real, but they often follow from something deeper: a fear of being a burden, an expectation of rejection, an early lesson that it was safer to manage alone.
I will give you my honest reading of what is going on, what needs attention first and which explanations keep you stuck. When you are ready, book a session with me and we begin to trace how the distance took shape.
You can learn to spot the early signs. Withdrawal often starts small: a slight tightening when someone gets friendly, a story that they are only being polite, an excuse that forms before you have decided. Noticing the first step gives you a choice.
In sessions I help you slow that sequence down and see what sets it off and what it shields you from. Spotting it is not the whole job. We practise staying a little longer, saying yes once more, until you can do it in real life without me beside you.
Bearing loneliness does not mean pretending you do not mind or filling every hour so you never feel it. It means staying present enough to notice the ache, understand what it longs for and choose how to respond.
I help you notice when the feeling rises and what your body does with it, often an old response from a time when no one came. Between sessions I ask you to practise small steps every day, such as one message or one honest sentence, because change grows in your week rather than only in our hour.
Asking for connection starts with admitting to yourself that you want it. When you have managed alone for a long time, it can feel shameful to say “I would like to see you more.” So you wait to be invited, hint, or decide that people would ask if they wanted to.
I help you find words that are warm, direct and proportionate. I challenge staying silent, and also expecting other people to read your mind. Sometimes we rehearse a real message to a friend or a call to a sibling in another country.
Clear choices become possible when you separate the loneliness from what you actually need and value. Isolation can push you towards a dramatic move home, a rushed relationship or a decision to give up on people, all in the hope of ending the pain fast.
I help you weigh your options honestly and see what each would really ask of you. You get my professional view, and I will say so when I see you running from a feeling rather than towards a life, but the decision is yours.
Lasting change reaches into your weekly rhythm, the people you see and the way you show up with them. You may need a few deeper friendships rather than many light ones, a community that fits you, or more honesty with the people already close.
Together we weigh which habits of solitude still serve you. Your independence and your enjoyment of solitude can stay, because they are part of you. The aim is a life where you are known by some people and chosen, and where reaching out feels possible.
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No explanation or strategy is required. We start with an honest picture of your days and the company you miss.
When you begin, I listen carefully, help you name the heart of the loneliness and give our sessions a direction from the start. You will not have to fill the silence alone.
Loneliness therapy is part of online depression therapy and of my online psychotherapy, structured individual work on your inner life and relationships. When the loneliness is sharpest beside your partner, and they will take part, online couples therapy offers long-term relational development and healing. If you already know you want a steady course, a therapy bundle brings real savings and a plan you can rely on.
In the first session I ask what made you reach out now, where in your life you feel most alone, what you have already tried and what kind of connection you are missing. There is no need to explain everything from the beginning.
Before we finish, I offer my first understanding and suggest how we might begin. Then you decide whether working with me feels right. Some people prefer to hear my voice before deciding, and a free 30-minute call allows exactly that.
Individual work fits when the loneliness lives mostly in you: in your history, your fears about closeness and the way you approach people. All your relationships can be explored without anyone else needing to join.
I give you direction, continuity and honest challenge from week to week. If you would like to look at your life as a whole, online psychotherapy describes my structured individual work.
Couples therapy is the better route when it is the relationship that needs ongoing attention. If you feel lonelier beside your partner than you would alone, if the same distance keeps returning, or if one of you reaches while the other retreats, working together usually helps more.
In couples work I help you both see the cycle between you, own your part in it and build a safer closeness. Online couples therapy is long-term relational development and healing, and lonely partners sometimes do a few sessions alone before asking the other to join.
The pace depends on how heavy the loneliness feels, how much room you have in your life and how much continuity the work needs.
I usually recommend weekly or fortnightly sessions at the start. For lonely people, a regular, reliable meeting is part of the work in itself. I will tell you if the gaps are too long, and when we can space things out. If you travel, back-to-back sessions over a few days are possible.
A bundle suits you when you expect several sessions and would like continuity instead of deciding each time. Loneliness often whispers that nobody really wants you there, and a planned course quietly answers that.
A bundle lowers the cost of each session and gives you the safety of a structure agreed in advance. Bundle sizes for this work appear on therapy discounts and bundles.
It has done its work when you can reach towards people more freely, let a few of them close and feel less defined by being alone. Solitude may remain, but it no longer feels like exile.
I review progress openly with you and do not encourage therapy without end. Sessions can become less frequent, pause or finish when the work has done its part. If a later move brings you back, that is sensible, and it takes nothing away from what we did.
Not sure this is the right starting point? Here is how online loneliness therapy compares with the options lonely people most often look at.
| Option | Choose it when | Pace |
|---|---|---|
| Online loneliness therapy (this page) | You feel cut off from people and want to understand why closeness is hard. | Weekly or fortnightly 1-hour video sessions |
| Online social anxiety therapy | Fear of being judged is what keeps you away from people. | Regular video sessions at first |
| Psychotherapy for people living abroad | The isolation is part of a wider struggle to settle in a new country. | 1-hour video sessions at a pace you choose |
| Online depression therapy | Heaviness and exhaustion matter more than the loneliness. | Weekly 1-hour video sessions at first |
Loneliness therapy with me is individual psychotherapy by video, in English, for adults who feel painfully alone, with or without people around them. It explores why closeness feels difficult and what keeps you apart, rather than simply telling you to socialise more.
I work with the whole person: your history, your attachments, your body and what you learned in your family about needing others. I do not diagnose or prescribe. It is a focused part of my work on low mood under online depression therapy.
Come when loneliness has lasted for months, when it is shaping your mood, sleep or choices, or when you have stopped trying because trying hurts. If you sense that something keeps you on the outside, trust that.
I look at how long you have felt this way, what your relationships are like and what happens when people get close. In 22 years of practice I have seen many people wait because they felt ashamed of being lonely. There is nothing shameful about it.
Yes, often it can. Lifelong loneliness is usually rooted in early experiences of closeness, and what was learned there can be understood and slowly changed. I cannot give you a timetable, and there is no trick that skips the work.
In my clinical experience, people who have always felt alone often grew up with care that was unreliable, or with a sense that their needs were too much. We look at what that taught you, and what kinds of connection might feel safe now.
Yes, it is. Long isolation wears on your mood, your sleep and your body, and few things hurt more. It is a perfectly good reason to seek help.
I take it seriously, and I do not treat you as a social problem to be fixed. We explore what the loneliness means for you, what keeps it in place and what kind of connection you want.
Because closeness can feel both wonderful and risky. Some people pursue contact and need to hear they are wanted. Others hold back and say they prefer their own company. Both are ways of staying safe that you learned long ago, not flaws in your character.
I help you notice which way you move when someone gets near, what you fear will happen and what it costs you. Then we practise steadier steps, such as staying, asking and letting people see more of you.
We start with your life as it is: where you live, who is in it, when you feel most alone and what you long for. I want to understand both the outer situation and the inner one. By the end you will know how I see it and what I suggest.
Come without notes. Many people feel awkward talking about loneliness, and that awkwardness is welcome too. Choose a first session or start with a free call if you would rather meet me briefly first.
Plan for a course of regular sessions over several months. Loneliness that is linked to how you relate to people changes through steady, reliable contact rather than one good conversation.
From 22 years of practice, I recommend a clear first stretch that we review honestly. At each review we choose together whether to keep going, meet less often or end.
Yes, for most people. Video lets you work with a therapist outside your local circle, which many people living abroad find freeing, and the sessions follow you if you move again. It also makes it possible to start even on a day when leaving home feels hard.
You need a private space, headphones and a steady connection. I pay close attention to the relationship between us on screen, because it often mirrors how you connect elsewhere. Times show in your local zone, and you can ask practical questions on a free 30-minute call.
It is individual psychotherapy in 1-hour video sessions, each one holding 50 minutes of therapy. The fees in US dollars are listed on my prices page.
If you plan a steady course, a therapy bundle takes 10 per cent off each session and gives you a structured plan. Look at therapy discounts and bundles for the options.
Book a time in my calendar, or request a free 30-minute call if you would like to talk first. Every slot is shown in your own time zone.
If no time suits you, or you would like to tell me a little first, send me a message. Then take the step, because reaching out is already part of the work.
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I want therapy to help you understand your experience and make choices you can use in everyday life. We pay attention to feelings, needs and the responses that happen before you have time to think.
Our online room should offer enough trust and honesty to explore what is difficult. I bring attention and professional judgement. You bring your experience, questions and the right to say when something does not fit.
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