In this short video, I explain why avoiding people rarely quietens the fear of their judgement, and how meeting by video can be a gentle first step out of hiding.
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Online social anxiety therapy helps you when the fear of being watched, judged or embarrassed makes meetings, parties, phone calls and even small talk feel like an exam. We meet one to one by video, in English, in 1-hour sessions with 50 minutes of therapy, booked at a time that fits your time zone.
I help you understand where the inner critic learned its voice, what it protects you from and how to stay present with people instead of watching yourself from outside. Social anxiety is a focused branch of online anxiety therapy, which belongs to my wider online psychotherapy.
When it suits you, book a free 30-minute call, reserve a session, have a look at my client policy or write to me instead if speaking first feels like too much.
Online social anxiety therapy is for English-speaking adults, anywhere in the world, who feel on trial whenever other people are around. You may be warm and capable, yet you rehearse, hide and replay. You want to feel at ease with people and to stop missing out on your own life.
Unease with people can have several roots, and some need a more specific kind of help. If one of these fits you more closely than fear of judgement, the linked page is a better starting point.
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These reviews describe clients’ experiences of working with me. They come from my wider practice and do not all relate to online sessions. Each person’s experience is their own, and a review does not promise a particular outcome.
“Looking back over my 22 years of practice, I am struck by how rarely socially anxious people are as awkward as they believe. What wears them out is the commentator inside, grading every sentence before it is spoken. Hiding from people does not silence that commentator. It hands it the final word. Underneath, I hear ‘Will they still like me once they see what I am really like?’ and, right beside it, ‘It is easier to keep to myself than to risk getting it wrong.’ I hold a strong view here: the way out is not to perform better, but to be seen as you are and find that you are still welcome.”
Mark Colclough, MA, psychotherapist and EFT couples therapist
I am Mark Colclough, MA. I have practised since 2004 and offer online psychotherapy and couples therapy in English.
My training brings together your emotions, your thoughts and your relationships. My deep passion is the moment when what happens between you finally makes sense, to each of you and to each other. I have lived and worked in nine countries, so I know something of life across languages, cultures and borders.
Read about my background, or explore online psychotherapy and online couples therapy.
I meet regularly with experienced psychotherapists to reflect on my work, question my understanding and develop my skills. Supervision is part of the professional care I bring to individual and couples work, including online sessions.
My focus is thoughtful practice, integrity and responsibility.
You are welcome to ask about the kind of support you need.
Tell me where you are based and your time zone. We can then consider whether online sessions together are suitable.
Omar is 31, a data analyst from Cairo who moved to Stockholm for work 2 years ago. He is good at his job and well liked, but he keeps his camera off in team calls and practises small talk in the shower before the Friday coffee break. When his team booked a midsummer party, he said he had a family call that evening. He spent the night alone, scrolling through the photos, feeling both safe and left behind.
I would start by asking Omar what he imagines his colleagues see when they look at him, and whose eyes that picture really belongs to. In a first video session he would probably notice that the harsh inner voice is much older than his move, and that it speaks in a tone he first heard at home or at school.
I have presented this clinical example as a compound of 22 years of clinical practice.
You have pushed yourself to go, rehearsed, avoided and tried again, and being with people still feels like being on trial.
You do not need to wait until you are completely isolated, and you do not need a diagnosis. If the fear of judgement is deciding which invitations you accept, which jobs you apply for or how often you speak, that is reason enough to seek help. In 22 years of practice I have met social fear in many forms, and I can tell when shyness has hardened into a pattern that needs professional attention.
I will help you see what the fear protects, what keeps it going and what has to change. Let the 6 questions below show you how much of your life it now touches.
If it does, the fear is taking more than its share. You worry for a week before the team dinner, sit through it watching yourself, then spend the weekend replaying what you said. By the time you have recovered, the next invitation has arrived.
I would look at which situations cost you most, how long the fear has been with you and whether it is spreading into work and family. That tells us whether this is a hard phase or a pattern that will not ease on its own. If this sounds familiar, book a session with me and we can begin.
Both wishes can be true, because each protects something real. Part of you longs to be included, to laugh in a group, to be known. Another part wants to stay invisible, because being seen feels like the greatest risk of all. You end up at the edge of the room, neither in nor out.
I do not treat the hiding part as cowardly or the longing part as foolish. I work with them as inner voices, each with good reasons. I help you understand what the hiding part fears and what the longing part needs, so you can take steps towards people that do not feel like jumping off a cliff.
A colleague does not smile back, a friend takes a day to reply, a group goes quiet when you join, and you are certain you did something wrong. You search your memory for the mistake and feel calm only when someone is warm towards you again.
The wish to be liked and included is legitimate, and I will not make you feel small for it. I help you calm the alarm that reads rejection into neutral faces, and practise checking reality directly, so the fear no longer decides what other people think of you.
Yes, and it can be as baffling to you as it is to them. You send a message suggesting coffee, feel brave, then panic when they say yes. You find a reason to postpone, or turn up and leave early. The friendship never quite gets started.
I slow this pattern down with you, so we can find the exact moment contact turns from wished-for to threatening. It is often when someone seems to be getting a proper look at you. I have compassion for that reflex, and I will also ask you to notice what it costs the people who wanted to know you.
Many socially anxious people become experts at going unnoticed. You keep answers short, let others speak first, laugh along and slip away early. It feels safer. It also means nobody gets to meet you, and you feel lonely even in company.
My view is that the urge to hide protects something important, and I will not push you into the spotlight. I help you understand what being noticed seems to threaten, so you can stay visible a little longer without feeling exposed. You also learn to say “I need a moment” rather than disappearing.
After years of shaping yourself to avoid disapproval, it can be hard to know what you think, like or want. You may have become the agreeable one, the quiet one or the funny one, without ever choosing it. That is not a sign that there is nothing underneath. It shows how carefully you have been adapting.
I help you find out which parts of you are performance and which are genuinely yours, and where you first learned that being yourself was risky. I will challenge you when you shrink, but I will not tell you who to be. The aim is to feel at home in your own company and in other people’s.
If you saw yourself in these questions, you can start with a free call, or book a session directly if talking on the phone feels harder than turning up.
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Tell me briefly what kind of support you are looking for.
Include your country and time zone so we can discuss whether online work together is possible and find a suitable time.
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Understanding your fear of judgement matters, but the work also has to change how you speak up, join in and recover afterwards.
Working with me on social anxiety will help you understand what happens inside you when people are near, recognise the cycle of rehearsing, hiding and replaying that keeps the fear alive, and make changes you notice at work and with friends. Knowing why you are afraid helps, but only practice makes people feel safer.
Over 22 years of practice I have found that this work moves when I take an active part. I will tell you what I notice, gently challenge the hiding and help you test new ways of being with people. The 6 questions below show what we work towards.
Related reading: Why do people like me but not really know me? and Why am I lonely even with people around me?.
The fear of judgement usually has a history. I help you separate the current situation from the older experience it echoes: a critical parent, teasing at school, a family where you had to be good to be safe, or years of being the outsider in a new country.
I give you my reading of what keeps the fear alive and question the stories that hold you back, such as “People will see I am boring.” When you are ready, book a session with me and we begin to trace the critic back to its source.
Self-consciousness has early signs: heat in your face, your attention turning inward, a quick check of how you sound. Once you can feel that shift, you gain a moment in which you can bring your attention back to the other person.
I help you slow the sequence down and see what sets it off and what it tries to protect. Seeing it is not enough, so we practise turning outwards, first in our sessions on screen and then in real conversations, until it becomes something you can do at a party without effort.
Settling does not mean hiding the blush, forcing a steady voice or pretending to be relaxed. It means staying present enough to notice what is happening in you and still choose how to take part.
I help you notice the rise sooner and understand what your nervous system is bracing against, often a shame response learned early. We find simple ways to stay grounded while people are near. They need daily practice between sessions, in small, real situations.
Speaking up begins with knowing what you think and want, not only what would be safest to say. Socially anxious people often prepare so carefully that the point disappears, or they open with “Sorry, this is probably stupid, but…”.
I help you find words that are direct, honest and in proportion. I will challenge you when you shrink your opinions, and also when you expect others to coax them out of you. We often rehearse a real moment, such as speaking in a meeting or calling a landlord.
Clearer choices come once you separate the fear of judgement from what you actually want. Social fear quietly shapes careers, cities and relationships: the job with no presentations, the flat far from anyone, the partner who does all the talking.
I help you look at the choices the fear has been making and what each has cost. I give you my honest view and challenge avoidance, but the decisions are yours. If the fear is mainly about being exposed as not good enough, online imposter syndrome therapy looks at that more closely.
Change has to show up in real places: the meeting where you speak, the dinner you stay at, the call you make without rehearsing. You may need to build new social habits slowly, choose people who are kind to you and allow yourself to recover without shame.
I help you decide what to try first and what can wait. Your sensitivity and your thoughtfulness about others are not the problem, and we are not trying to turn you into someone louder. The aim is to take part in life as you are.
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You do not need to arrive relaxed, articulate or ready to talk. We begin with how the fear shapes your life now.
When you begin, I listen carefully, help you name the situations that cost you most and give our work a clear direction from the first session. Many people with social fear are nervous about meeting me at all. We can start exactly there, and you can keep your camera at whatever distance feels right at first.
Social anxiety work sits inside my online psychotherapy, where we look at your inner world and your relationships together, one to one. If the fear mainly plays out between you and your partner, online couples therapy offers long-term relational development and healing. If you know you want a run of sessions, a therapy bundle brings real savings and the safety of a set plan.
I ask what brings you now, which situations feel hardest, what you have tried and what you would most like to be able to do. I may ask for one recent example in detail. You do not need to perform well, and long pauses are fine.
Towards the close I say how the pattern looks to me and where we might begin, and you judge whether that rings true. If writing is easier than talking at first, send me a message, or start with a free 30-minute call.
Individual work is right when the fear lives mainly in you: in the inner critic, your body’s alarm, your history and the way you protect yourself around people. We can explore your friendships, work and family closely without anyone else joining.
One to one, I offer direction, continuity and honest challenge, and our relationship becomes a safe place to practise being seen. If social fear is one part of a wider picture, online psychotherapy describes my structured individual work as a whole.
Couples therapy fits when the relationship itself has become strained by the fear. If your partner has become your only social bridge, if you argue about invitations and evenings out, or if one of you pursues while the other withdraws, the pattern lives between you as well as in you.
In couples work I help both of you see that cycle, own your parts and build steadier ways of being together. Online couples therapy is long-term relational development and healing. Some people work alone first and invite their partner later.
The rhythm depends on how much the fear restricts you, how much room your life has and how much continuity you need. Social fear grows in the gaps, so long breaks often let avoidance take over again.
I usually suggest weekly sessions at first, or every second week if weekly is not possible. I will tell you if the gaps are too long for change to build, and when we can safely meet less often. Before a big event, such as an interview, back-to-back online psychotherapy can help.
A bundle makes sense when you know the work will take several sessions and you want to keep going, even after a session that felt exposing. Social fear makes it tempting to cancel. A plan agreed in advance makes returning easier.
A bundle also lowers the cost per session. I am glad to tell you whether it fits. You can see the sizes on therapy discounts and bundles and in the bundle cards further down.
The work has done its job when you can join in without days of dread, speak without rehearsing every word, and let a social mistake go by evening. You may still feel nervous at times, but nervousness no longer decides what you do.
We review progress openly, and I do not keep people in therapy without good reason. When you feel at ease more often than not, we can meet less, take a break or stop. If a new challenge, such as a move or a new job, brings the fear back, returning is not a sign of failure.
Unsure whether this is your starting point? Here is how online social anxiety therapy compares with the options nearest to it.
| Option | Choose it when | Pace |
|---|---|---|
| Online social anxiety therapy (this page) | Fear of being watched, judged or embarrassed limits your work and social life. | Weekly 1-hour video sessions at first |
| Online anxiety therapy | Your worry reaches far beyond social situations into most of your days. | Weekly or fortnightly video sessions |
| Online panic attack therapy | Sudden surges of fear in your body are the main problem. | Video sessions close together at first |
| Online loneliness therapy | You feel cut off and long for closeness more than you fear people. | A steady course of video sessions |
Online social anxiety therapy with me is individual psychotherapy by video, in English, for adults who feel watched, judged or on trial around other people. It helps you understand where the fear of judgement comes from, quieten the inner critic and take part in life more freely.
I work in depth with the whole person: your feelings, your body, your history and the voices from your family and culture that still shape how you see yourself. It is a branch of online anxiety therapy.
Come when the fear is shaping your choices: the invitations you decline, the jobs you avoid, the things you never say. There is no need to hold out until your world has shrunk to almost nothing. Your own sense that it is limiting you is reason enough.
I look at how long the fear has been with you, how many areas of life it touches and what you have given up because of it. If you have tried to push through for years and it still wins, it deserves proper attention.
Shyness and social fear overlap, and either way therapy has something to offer. A quiet temperament is part of who you are and needs no fixing. A fear that stops you living the life you want is different, and it can change. How quickly that happens differs from person to person, and I will not sell you a shortcut.
In my clinical experience, people improve most when they stop trying to become someone more confident and start understanding the critic inside. That is where I would focus with you.
That is completely fine, and it is useful. Silence in a session is not a failure. It shows us, in real time, what happens when you feel looked at, and we can explore it gently together.
I will not put you on the spot or wait you out coldly. I will help you find your way back into the conversation, and over time you will notice that being quiet with someone can feel safe.
Both moves are attempts to feel safe. Some people seek constant signs of approval. Others keep their distance so they can never be rejected. Many swing from one extreme to the other within a single evening. It is how you learned to manage the risk of being seen, not a flaw in you.
I help you see which way you move, what it is trying to achieve and what it costs. Then we build steadier options, so you can stay a little longer, leave without fleeing and come back again.
Very little. You do not need to be eloquent or prepared. I ask about the situations that feel hardest and what happens inside you there, and by the end I share how I see it and where I would suggest we begin.
Many people with social fear feel nervous about the first session, and we can begin with that nervousness itself. When you feel ready, choose your first session time or start with a free 30-minute call.
Expect a course of sessions over a few months, usually weekly at first. That is often enough to understand the inner critic and start taking part differently. When the fear goes back to childhood or school, it tends to take longer.
Over 22 years of practice I have seen that a clear first stretch, reviewed honestly, works far better than drifting. Every review closes with a shared choice about whether to continue, slow the pace or finish.
For many people, yes. Joining from your own room lowers the threshold, and you skip the waiting room. Later, the screen itself becomes a place to practise: keeping your camera on, holding eye contact, speaking up. What you share is confidential, as set out in my client policy.
On the practical side, find a room with a door you can close, put on headphones and use a laptop or tablet with a steady connection. The calendar shows times in your own time zone. If you are unsure, we can talk it over on a free call first.
It is booked like all my individual work, as 1-hour online sessions with 50 minutes of therapy. Today’s session fee, quoted in US dollars, sits on my prices page.
A therapy bundle saves you 10 per cent and gives you a structured plan, which helps when the fear tempts you to cancel. The options are on therapy discounts and bundles.
You can book your first session online without speaking to anyone first, or request a free 30-minute call if you would like to hear my voice before deciding.
If writing is easier, send me a short message and I will reply in writing. I also hold some room for acute cases, described on acute online psychotherapy. Pick whichever step feels smallest, and take it today.
You can also send me an email
I want therapy to help you understand your experience and make choices you can use in everyday life. We pay attention to feelings, needs and the responses that happen before you have time to think.
Our online room should offer enough trust and honesty to explore what is difficult. I bring attention and professional judgement. You bring your experience, questions and the right to say when something does not fit.
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P.S. I’ll call you in a bit!
