In this short video, I talk about couples raised in two different cultures, and why I never treat one of them as the yardstick.
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Mixed-nationality couples therapy is online couples work, in English, for two people raised in two different countries. Home might be one partner’s homeland, a third country or a suitcase between several. By video, at an hour that suits your clock, we untangle the rows, the family loyalties and the life choices that arise when two backgrounds share one household.
Nine countries have been home to me at one point or another, and none of them is my measure of normal. This page belongs to couples therapy for couples living abroad and, more broadly, to online couples therapy.
You can book a free 30-minute call, reserve a session, look through my client policy or send me a message.
This page suits couples anywhere in the world who were raised in two different countries. You take part as a pair, over video.
Here you take part as a couple of two nationalities. Should a line below describe you better, click through.
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These reviews describe clients’ experiences of working with me. They come from my wider practice and do not all relate to online sessions. Each person’s experience is their own, and a review does not promise a particular outcome.
“Having lived and worked in nine countries myself, I have come to see culture as a powerful lens, though never the full picture. Beneath the clashes over meals, relatives and holidays, I usually hear two unspoken pleas. One partner is saying ‘Honour where I am from’, and the other is saying ‘Let me be who I am here, without a verdict’. Once each plea is heard, the cultural puzzles get much easier, and many couples end up building something neither family had: a home with room for both.”
Mark Colclough, MA, psychotherapist and EFT couples therapist
I am Mark Colclough, MA. I have practised since 2004 and offer online psychotherapy and couples therapy in English.
My training brings together your emotions, your thoughts and your relationships. My deep passion is the moment when what happens between you finally makes sense, to each of you and to each other. I have lived and worked in nine countries, so I know something of life across languages, cultures and borders.
Read about my background, or explore online psychotherapy and online couples therapy.
I meet regularly with experienced psychotherapists to reflect on my work, question my understanding and develop my skills. Supervision is part of the professional care I bring to individual and couples work, including online sessions.
My focus is thoughtful practice, integrity and responsibility.
You are welcome to ask about the kind of support you need.
Tell me where you are based and your time zone. We can then consider whether online sessions together are suitable.
Anders is Danish and Mei is from Taiwan. They live in Taipei with their two children, a few streets from Mei’s parents. Her mother helps out daily and expects a voice in every parenting choice. Anders feels outvoted under his own roof. Mei takes his frustration as disdain for her family.
Over our online sessions they discover that the clash is not simply Denmark against Taiwan. Anders fears losing his standing as a father, and Mei fears being made to pick between husband and parents. Having said that aloud, they work out a new arrangement with her mother that honours them both.
I have presented this clinical example as a compound of 22 years of clinical practice.
Bringing two worlds together can enrich a couple. It can also make the smallest disagreement feel unsolvable.
Between partners from different places, ordinary details become loaded: the volume of a quarrel, the number of family visits, the right way to spend a birthday.
Mixed-nationality couples therapy slows those details right down, until each of you can hear the request hidden inside the other’s complaint.
Frequently one of you lives on familiar soil, while the other has given up a homeland and much that came with it. Unequal sacrifice like that tends to simmer.
Saying it plainly turns the simmer into something you can discuss.
Each of you may quietly assume your habits are the default. Then every clash starts to sound like criticism of how the other was raised.
We trace each habit back to its roots, and nobody has to be wrong for having them.
Two sets of relatives can want things that simply do not add up: visits, support, traditions, loyalty.
First we find your joint position. Then we plan how to explain it to both sides.
With children come countless decisions about languages, celebrations, schooling and belief.
We make them as partners, so the children inherit both worlds instead of a tug of war.
The partner who interprets every phone call and explains every custom can end up drained, and nobody notices the effort.
We spread that load, and both of you get heard.
Plenty of mixed couples live with an unanswered question about where they will settle for good. Unspoken, it seeps into every other topic.
Here it gets a proper hearing.
Does this ring true? Request a call or book a session. You can join together on one screen or from two.
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Tell me briefly what kind of support you are looking for.
Include your country and time zone so we can discuss whether online work together is possible and find a suitable time.
You do not need to explain your whole story in your first message.
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Background shapes a lot. It is seldom the whole story.
In mixed-nationality couples therapy we hold two threads and keep them apart: real cultural difference, and the emotional loop between you that feeds on it.
Each of you describes how your family and your country handled things. With that in view, we sort the clashes rooted in upbringing from the ones any couple might have.
Yes. We compare what each family hopes for, settle what the two of you will go along with and rehearse the conversations with parents or siblings.
Yes. If either of you is speaking a learned language, I pace things gently and double-check meaning, so a single word never derails the talk.
Yes. Lots of couples assemble their own mix of rituals, food and languages. We sort out which pieces you keep, which you drop and which you invent.
We weigh careers, relatives, children and the sense of belonging for each of you, so the choice of country feels joint, not a defeat for one.
Rows about whose habits win become rare, each of you feels your roots are honoured and you share a picture of the years ahead.
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Nobody needs to win the argument about culture. Wanting to understand each other is enough.
Early in mixed-nationality couples therapy, I learn about both of you, the places you come from and the reason you reached out. Should a different service suit you better, I will say so.
Two hours, by video, with both of you present. You each tell me about your homeland, your relatives and today’s main struggle. We finish with a first sketch of the dynamic between you.
I stay curious about each culture and never crown one of them. Each of you gets space to describe your own roots, and to listen to your partner’s, with no need to defend them.
That happens a lot. We speak English and go slowly over the words that carry weight. When your mother tongue has the better word, bring it in and tell us what it means to you.
In mixed-nationality couples therapy, many couples choose a session every two or three weeks, with breaks when one of you travels to see family.
Planning a run of sessions? A bundle sets the course and brings down the price of each one. The cards below the page list the choices.
The familiar quarrel stops stinging, relatives become easier to discuss and you each feel your heritage is taken seriously. Then we choose the next step together.
Wondering whether mixed-nationality couples therapy is the right fit? Here are the nearest alternatives.
| Option | Choose it when | Pace |
|---|---|---|
| Mixed-nationality couples therapy (this page) | You were raised in two different countries. | 2-hour sessions, roughly every two or three weeks |
| Couples therapy for couples living abroad | Being abroad is the main pressure. | 2-hour sessions at a steady pace |
| EFT couples therapy, living abroad | EFT is what you are after. | A run of 2-hour sessions |
| Online couples therapy | Your backgrounds are not really the issue. | 2-hour sessions at a pace that suits you |
It is online couples work, in English, for two people raised in different countries. We focus on cultural difference, on what your families expect and on the emotional loop between you.
No. Plenty of mixed couples live in one partner’s homeland. The point is that you were raised in different cultures.
Yes. A Dane living in the partner’s homeland, who has quietly become the outsider, is precisely the reader I have in mind.
No. My job is to help each of you grasp the other’s point of view. What suits your relationship is for the two of you to settle.
Yes. In-laws come up constantly in this work. Together we find ways to keep both families close while your relationship stays first.
Yes. Sessions booked here run in English, and words from your own languages are welcome whenever they fit better.
Yes. England and Denmark shaped my childhood, and since then nine countries have been home at some point. Your experience is your own, yet I know the feeling of living between worlds.
It differs a lot. A few couples need only a handful of meetings, while others prefer a longer stretch. We check in on progress regularly.
Each session is a 2-hour online couples session. The fee, in US dollars, is listed on my prices page, and a prepaid bundle reduces it by 10 per cent.
Find a slot in the calendar, where times appear in your local zone, or request a free 30-minute call first.
You can also send me an email
I want therapy to help you understand your experience and make choices you can use in everyday life. We pay attention to feelings, needs and the responses that happen before you have time to think.
Our online room should offer enough trust and honesty to explore what is difficult. I bring attention and professional judgement. You bring your experience, questions and the right to say when something does not fit.
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P.S. I’ll call you in a bit!
