In this short video, I explain why low mood in men so often looks like temper, long hours or another drink, and what helps a man find his way back to himself.
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Online therapy for depression in men helps you when the low mood shows up less as sadness and more as irritability, numbness, overwork, drinking or a sense that nothing much matters. You meet me alone by video, in English, for sessions of one hour with 50 minutes of therapy, at a time that suits your time zone.
I help you see what the heaviness is made of, what you stopped feeling in order to keep going and how to come back into your own life. Within my online psychotherapy for men, this is the branch for low mood. If work has drained you to nothing, online therapy for burnout in men goes further into that. My page on online depression therapy is for anyone who feels low, while this one is about the ways depression hides in men and what helps them in particular.
You can begin with a free 30-minute call or book a session straight away. My client policy explains the practical terms, and you can always send me a question.
Online therapy for depression in men is for men, wherever they live, who have lost their spark and no longer quite recognise themselves. You may not feel sad so much as flat, tense or tired of everything. You want to understand what is going on and get your life back.
Depression in men overlaps with several other struggles, and some need a different focus. If one of these sounds closer, the page linked will suit you better.
You can also send me an email
These reviews describe clients’ experiences of working with me. They come from my wider practice and do not all relate to online sessions. Each person’s experience is their own, and a review does not promise a particular outcome.
“Since my first client in 2004, I have watched depression in men arrive dressed as almost anything but sadness: a short fuse, a working week without edges, a nightly bottle, a sports car bought on a whim. I do not believe men are poor at noticing their feelings. Most of the men I see noticed long ago and concluded that nobody needed to hear. Underneath I hear one voice asking ‘Can anybody see how hard I am trying?’ and a second replying ‘Leave it. I will deal with it myself.’ In many men, depression is years of obedience to that second voice.”
Mark Colclough, MA, psychotherapist and EFT couples therapist
I am Mark Colclough, MA. I have practised since 2004 and offer online psychotherapy and couples therapy in English.
My training brings together your emotions, your thoughts and your relationships. My deep passion is the moment when what happens between you finally makes sense, to each of you and to each other. I have lived and worked in nine countries, so I know something of life across languages, cultures and borders.
Read about my background, or explore online psychotherapy and online couples therapy.
I meet regularly with experienced psychotherapists to reflect on my work, question my understanding and develop my skills. Supervision is part of the professional care I bring to individual and couples work, including online sessions.
My focus is thoughtful practice, integrity and responsibility.
You are welcome to ask about the kind of support you need.
Tell me where you are based and your time zone. We can then consider whether online sessions together are suitable.
Hiroshi is 47, a Japanese mechanical engineer who has lived in Seattle for 12 years with his American wife and their 2 teenage sons. His father died in Osaka last spring. Hiroshi flew there and back in 4 days and was at his desk the following Monday. Since then he spends evenings in the garage restoring an old car, a whisky beside him, and snaps at his sons over homework. At work he is praised for his reliability. When his wife asked whether he missed his father, he said the old man had had a long life.
I would not start with his mood. I would start with those 4 days and the Monday after. In a first video session Hiroshi would probably notice that the irritation sits on top of a grief he has not had a single hour to feel.
I have presented this clinical example as a compound of 22 years of clinical practice.
You have kept everything running for everyone, and somewhere inside the lights have still gone down.
There is no correct moment to begin, and you do not have to be falling apart. If you sense you are not yourself, that you have gone flat or sharp-tongued, or that the people around you are paying for it, that is reason enough. A diagnosis is not required. In 22 years of practice I have met depression in men wearing many masks, and I can tell when a rough patch has become something that needs proper attention.
I will help you see what is really happening, what keeps it going and what needs to change. Run through the 6 questions below before you decide.
If so, take it seriously. In men, depression often looks like competence. You deliver the project, pay the bills and drive the children to practice, and inside there is a flat, grey quiet.
I would ask when the flatness started, what was going on in your life then and whether it ever lifts, on a trip or with certain people. That tells us whether this is a hard season or a pattern that will not loosen by itself. If this is your life just now, book a session with me.
Both feelings can live side by side, because each protects something. Part of you is tired of carrying everything and would give a great deal for someone to share the load. Another part is convinced that a man who asks for help has failed, and would rather sink quietly than be seen struggling. So you hint, and then shut down whoever picks up the hint.
I treat neither side as weak. I help you understand what each one protects: your need for support, and the dignity you are trying to keep. The aim is help you can accept on terms you respect.
Many low men live with that feeling day and night. A sigh from your partner, a quiet child or a short message from your boss, and you hear proof that you are falling short. You either work harder to make up for it or stop trying, because nothing seems to count.
Wanting to matter to the people you love is not a weakness. I help you calm the alarm that hears judgement in every silence, check your conclusions against what was actually said and tell people plainly what you need. Often they are not disappointed in you. They are worried, and nobody has said so.
That happens when you long for warmth and feel ashamed of the longing. You come home hoping for kindness, then snap when your partner asks about your day. A friend rings and you are curt. Guilt follows, and the guilt drives you further away.
I help you slow this down until we can see the second that the wish for contact turns into irritation. Usually something specific sets it off, such as feeling pitied or handled. I respect those reactions, and I hold you responsible for the ones that hurt people. Then we build calmer ways for you to ask for comfort, and to step away when you need to.
A great many men do. When your partner wants to talk, a wave of pressure rises and you say ‘I do not know’ or ‘it is nothing’. That gives you a little control. The price is that nobody knows what is happening inside you, and the low mood grows in the silence.
Your distance has been doing a job, and I will not shame you for it. I help you see what it protects you from, often a fear of being swamped or found lacking. You learn to say ‘Give me 10 minutes’ before 10 minutes becomes a month of silence.
Years of providing, performing and holding things together can erode your sense of who you are. The man who played guitar, laughed with his mates or cared about something beyond work seems a long way off. That is what happens when a man runs on duty alone for too long.
Together we look for what has fallen silent in you and what belongs to you beyond the jobs you do for others. I will challenge you when you settle for a life that has shrunk, and I will not tell you what kind of man you ought to be.
If you recognise yourself, book a session to start, or ask for a free call first if you would like to know what to expect.
You can also send me an email
Tell me briefly what kind of support you are looking for.
Include your country and time zone so we can discuss whether online work together is possible and find a suitable time.
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Knowing why you went flat matters, and the work also has to change how you live, rest and talk with the people close to you.
Working with me will help you understand what is happening inside you, see the habits that keep the heaviness in place and make changes that you and those around you can feel. Understanding that leaves your days untouched brings little relief.
I take an active role and tell you honestly what I see. Psychotherapy is my core training. Since 2010 I have also studied men’s work, and it adds to and deepens what I offer as a psychotherapist. Eli Buren, a dear friend and mentor, has been a central influence. Sam Keen’s “Fire in the Belly” describes a man whose life has been absorbed by work and competition until the feeling has drained out of him. I meet that deadened man often, and I do not think he is beyond reach. The 6 questions below describe what we work towards.
Related reading: What is the point of life when nothing moves me? and Why do I feel so flat when my life is going fine?.
I help you tell the heart of the problem from everything that has grown around it. The drinking, the long hours and the short fuse are usually ways of coping, not causes. Underneath you may find a loss you never mourned, resentment swallowed for years, or a belief that you count only when you deliver.
I say plainly what I think is going on and what needs attention first, and I question explanations that keep you stuck, such as ‘men just get like this’. Whenever you are ready, book a session with me and we start with your week as it really is.
You can learn to read the run-up. A bad stretch usually announces itself: a few nights of poor sleep, a harder tone, one more drink, dropping the Thursday game, a thought like ‘what is the point’. Once you spot the first of these, you have a moment to choose something different.
We map that chain together, its triggers and its price. We agree on concrete responses, such as telling one person, keeping one commitment or getting outside, and you practise them until they hold on a dull, ordinary Tuesday.
Steadying yourself is not swallowing the anger or pretending to be calm. It means staying present enough to notice what is happening and choose your next move. In many men, low mood carries a restless, hot charge that wants an outlet, and it tends to land on the nearest person or the nearest bottle.
I help you recognise the build-up earlier, understand what your body is reacting to and find releases that cost nobody. That takes practice between sessions, a little every day. If anyone at home is being hurt or frightened, their safety comes first, and I will say so.
It starts with knowing what you feel and need, which is hard after years of not asking yourself. Many men jump from saying nothing to exploding, with very little in between. The unsaid piles up and turns into distance.
I help you put it into sentences that are true, simple and sized to the moment. I will push back when ‘fine’ becomes a hiding place, and equally when you hope those close to you will work it out unaided. We often rehearse the real conversation on our call, so you can have it at home without a fight.
Clearer decisions come when you separate the voice of the low mood from what you actually know and want. Depression can push a man in 2 directions: towards doing nothing at all, or towards sudden dramatic moves such as quitting, leaving the marriage or selling the house. Both can be attempts to escape a feeling.
I help you separate what truly needs deciding now from what can wait. I will point it out when you are dodging or rushing, and the decision stays yours. If the big question is about the shape of your whole life at this age, online midlife crisis therapy for men goes deeper into it.
Lasting change has to reach your actual week. It may mean shorter days, less alcohol, more sleep, a friend you see regularly, honest talks at home or returning to something you loved and dropped.
Your drive, your sense of duty and your toughness are not the problem, and we will not try to remove them. The goal is a life where they serve you, rather than a life that runs on nothing else.
You can also send me an email
Not knowing what is wrong is no obstacle. We begin with how your days actually go.
When you begin, I listen carefully, help you put a name to the central difficulty and give the work a clear direction early. You do not have to arrive with a diagnosis or a tidy life story.
It belongs within my online psychotherapy, the structured one-to-one work I do on inner life and relationships. If the heaviness lives mostly in the relationship and your partner is willing, online couples therapy offers long-term relational development and healing. For a planned run of sessions, a therapy bundle gives you real savings and the steadiness of a plan agreed at the outset.
I want to hear why you are reaching out now, what a normal day involves, what shifted over the past months and which remedies you have tried. Sleep, alcohol, work and the people close to you come up too. The full story can wait.
Before we finish, you hear how I read things so far and the direction I would suggest. Then you decide whether my way of working is useful to you. Would you rather talk before you book? Request a free 30-minute call.
One-to-one work is right when the depression lives mainly in you: in your history, your body, your way of coping and what you believe about being a man. Even if it shows most at home, we can look closely at your relationships with nobody else on the call.
I give you continuity and straight challenge from week to week. Online psychotherapy describes how my structured individual work runs in general.
Couples therapy fits better when the relationship itself needs sustained attention: you have drifted apart, the same row keeps returning, trust has worn thin, or one of you keeps reaching while the other withdraws.
With both of you on screen, I help you recognise what happens between you, each take responsibility for your part and build more secure ways of being together. Online couples therapy is long-term relational development and healing.
That depends on how heavy it is and how much capacity you have now. When a man is low, long gaps make it easy to slide back into silence, so I prefer to meet closer together at the start.
I recommend weekly sessions at first. I will tell you if we are too far apart for anything to build, and when we can safely space things out. Some men start with a back-to-back cluster across a few days.
A bundle makes sense once you know the work will take a series of sessions and you do not want to weigh up each one separately. When energy is scarce, a decision already made is one less thing to carry.
A bundle brings significant savings and the safety of a structured plan, and I will help you judge whether it matches the likely scope. You can compare the choices on therapy discounts and bundles.
The work has done its job when you feel like yourself again more days than not, can talk about what goes on inside you and no longer need regular support to keep afloat.
I review progress with you openly and have no wish to keep you longer than helps. Sessions can thin out, pause or stop. Coming back another year with a new difficulty does not mean this work failed.
Unsure where to begin? This is how this page compares with the options men with low mood most often weigh up.
| Option | Choose it when | Pace |
|---|---|---|
| Online therapy for depression in men (this page) | You feel flat, irritable or numb and no longer recognise yourself. | Weekly 1-hour video sessions at first |
| Online therapy for burnout in men | Work has worn you down and the exhaustion came first. | A paced course of 1-hour video sessions |
| Online anger management for men | Your temper is what worries you and others most. | 1-hour video sessions at a steady pace |
| Online midlife crisis therapy for men | The heaviness came with questions about what your life has added up to. | Weekly or fortnightly video sessions |
It is individual psychotherapy by video, in English, for men whose low mood comes out as flatness, irritability, overwork, drinking or risk-taking as much as sadness. Together we find out what has shut down, what holds it there and how you return to feeling.
My work takes in your past, your body, your family and what was expected of you as a boy. I do not diagnose or prescribe. It is one of the main branches of my online psychotherapy for men.
Take it seriously if the flatness has lasted more than a few weeks, if rest and holidays no longer lift it, if you drink or snap more than you used to, or if the people close to you say you have changed. You do not need a label to come.
From 22 years of practice, I ask what has stopped giving you pleasure and what you do to avoid feeling the gap. If physical tiredness is a large part of it, a check with your own doctor is sensible too.
Yes. Plenty of men with depression do not feel sad at all. They feel numb, angry or simply worn out. I cannot say how quickly things will change, but I can offer steady, serious work on what lies underneath, not only on the surface.
In my clinical experience, the sadness often surfaces later, once the anger and the busyness have eased a little. For many men that moment is a turning point, not a setback.
No. Many men first sit down with me because someone who loves them kept asking. Being willing to try a session and judge for yourself is enough.
I am not your partner’s ally against you, and I will not cast you as the problem. We start from your life as you see it. If what you notice most is a temper you want to bring under control, online anger management for men may be the closer fit.
Because anger is often easier to feel than hurt or fear, and the people closest to you feel safe enough to show it to. Some men turn it outwards and snap. Others turn it inwards and go silent. It is not who you are. It is how you learned to handle pain.
I help you understand what your anger shields and what price your household pays for it. Then we work with the anger itself and with what lies beneath it, so it no longer has to speak for you.
Then we do not begin there. We begin with your life now: work, sleep, your relationships and what has changed. The past may matter later, and I will tell you when I think so, but you decide what you are ready to look at. By the end of the first session, you will know what I see and where I suggest we go.
Come as you are, tired or sceptical. Book a first appointment, or try a free discovery call before you decide.
Plan for a course of sessions over a few months, weekly at first, rather than a couple of conversations. That is often long enough to understand what drives the low mood and change part of how you live. If it has been with you for years or ties to old losses, expect longer.
Over 22 years I have found that a clear first stretch, followed by an honest look at what it achieved, serves men far better than open-ended drifting.
Yes. A video session from your own room asks less of you on a heavy day, and it continues if you travel or move country. Nobody in your town needs to know you are in therapy. Calendar times show in your local time, and all you need is privacy, headphones and a steady connection.
I do not prescribe medication, so if you are wondering about it, talk to your own doctor. If you are unsure whether video suits you, we can decide together on a free call.
You book individual psychotherapy online, one hour at a time, with 50 minutes of therapy in each. My prices page carries today’s fees in US dollars.
If you expect a longer course, a therapy bundle saves you 10 per cent and gives the work a firm structure. Have a look at therapy discounts and bundles.
Pick a time for your first session now, or book a free 30-minute call if you would like to talk before deciding.
If no time fits, or something has happened that makes this urgent, write to me directly. I hold some space for acute situations and can usually offer a time within days, as set out on acute online psychotherapy. Choose a time, and we begin with things exactly as they are.
You can also send me an email
I want therapy to help you understand your experience and make choices you can use in everyday life. We pay attention to feelings, needs and the responses that happen before you have time to think.
Our online room should offer enough trust and honesty to explore what is difficult. I bring attention and professional judgement. You bring your experience, questions and the right to say when something does not fit.
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P.S. I’ll call you in a bit!
