In this short video, I talk about why so many men struggle in silence after their child is born, and what helps a new dad find his place.
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Online new fathers therapy is for men in the early years of fatherhood, when a pregnancy, a birth or a small child has turned life upside down and it is harder than you imagined. You get an hour that is only yours: a 1-hour video session with 50 minutes of therapy, in English, at a time that fits naps, nights and your time zone.
I help you understand the low mood, the worry or the sense of standing outside that many new dads feel, and find your footing with your baby and your partner. This page sits under online therapy for fathers, part of my online psychotherapy for men. If you have separated from your child’s mother, online divorced fathers therapy is closer.
In a quiet moment between feeds, you can request a free 30-minute call, book a session, look at my client policy or send me a message.
Online new fathers therapy is for men who have become dads in the last few years and find it tougher than anyone warned them. Since the baby came you may feel low, on edge, left out or simply unlike yourself, and you want to understand why.
Early fatherhood throws up all sorts of difficulty, and some of it calls for different help. If a line below describes you better, its link is the page to read.
You can also send me an email
These reviews describe clients’ experiences of working with me. They come from my wider practice and do not all relate to online sessions. Each person’s experience is their own, and a review does not promise a particular outcome.
“Of all the men I see online, the ones who have just become fathers are often the last to admit they are struggling. Everyone asks after the mother and the baby. Hardly anyone asks the father, and he rarely asks himself. So he makes himself useful, cooks, drives, returns to work, and slowly sinks. One voice inside him wonders ‘Is there still a place for me in this family?’ Another insists ‘I will handle it, she has enough to carry.’ Sometimes a third turns up at 3 in the morning: ‘I want to be close to both of them, and I want to get out.’ I am certain that a new father needs to be asked how he really is, and to answer truthfully.”
Mark Colclough, MA, psychotherapist and EFT couples therapist
I am Mark Colclough, MA. I have practised since 2004 and offer online psychotherapy and couples therapy in English.
My training brings together your emotions, your thoughts and your relationships. My deep passion is the moment when what happens between you finally makes sense, to each of you and to each other. I have lived and worked in nine countries, so I know something of life across languages, cultures and borders.
Read about my background, or explore online psychotherapy and online couples therapy.
I meet regularly with experienced psychotherapists to reflect on my work, question my understanding and develop my skills. Supervision is part of the professional care I bring to individual and couples work, including online sessions.
My focus is thoughtful practice, integrity and responsibility.
You are welcome to ask about the kind of support you need.
Tell me where you are based and your time zone. We can then consider whether online sessions together are suitable.
Stefan is 36, a civil engineer from Graz who lives in Amsterdam with his partner, Priya. Their daughter was born 4 months ago by emergency caesarean after a long night in which nobody told him much. He took his leave, did the night feeds and pushed the pram along the canal every afternoon. Back at work now, he feels numb, jumps when the baby cries and keeps replaying the operating theatre. He tells himself he has no right to struggle, because Priya was the one in surgery.
I would start with that night, because Stefan has told no one what it was like to stand there helpless. In a first video session he would probably see that his numbness is holding back fear, and that it is safe to let some of it be heard.
I have presented this clinical example as a compound of 22 years of clinical practice.
You have done everything you can for your partner and your baby, and you still feel lost, low or somehow outside it all.
You do not need to hit breaking point first. If you have felt low, anxious, numb or shut out since your child arrived, that is enough. Over 22 years I have met many fathers who thought their struggle did not count because the mother had it harder. Both things can be true at once.
I can usually tell sleepless-season tiredness from something that needs more care. New fathers need their own space, not only a role as support. The 6 questions below are signs I would not ignore. If your low mood is heavy or lasting, see your doctor as well.
Many new dads describe exactly this. You go to work, do your share of the nights and smile for photos, while inside you feel flat, worn out or far away. Some men turn irritable rather than sad, drink a bit more or bury themselves in work. Mothers are not the only ones who can struggle after a birth.
I would look with you at when it began, whether it is lifting or deepening and what you are carrying alone. Should that be your life since the birth, book a session with me.
Both are normal, and both can live in you together. Part of you melts at your child and never wants to miss a moment. Another misses freedom, sleep, spontaneity and your partner’s undivided attention, and you may feel ashamed of that second part.
Missing your old life does not mean you love your child any less. It is grief for a life that has changed shape. Once you let yourself mourn what has gone, you can step more fully into what has arrived.
Plenty of new fathers do and mention it to nobody. You check the cot, search symptoms in the small hours, picture accidents and feel your pulse jump when the baby has been quiet too long. Each reassurance lasts minutes.
Loving someone this tiny can set off exactly that kind of guarding, and I will never mock it. I help you calm it enough to enjoy your child, and look at what else it may carry, such as a frightening birth or an older fear of losing someone.
This is very common after a birth. You walk in wanting to hold them both, then feel crowded and leave the room. You want your partner back, then feel rebuffed when she is exhausted, and you withdraw before she can.
I help you slow these shifts down and see what triggers each one, often feeling useless, unwanted or corrected. I respect these reactions as protection, and I will also ask you to own the ones that leave your partner on her own.
Many new fathers feel like outsiders. Your partner and the baby have rhythms and a closeness you are not part of, and advice from midwives and relatives is aimed at her. So you step back, take on extra work or scroll late, and the gap widens.
I will not shame your wish for space. I help you see what the withdrawal protects you from, often a fear of not being good enough, and help you claim your place: a bath that is always yours, a walk that is yours, a clear request to your partner.
Fatherhood can change a man’s sense of himself faster than he can keep up. The man who climbed, travelled or stayed late at work has gone, and the new one does not feel finished. You may feel lost, ashamed of not coping or unsure what kind of dad you want to be.
I help you weigh what to keep from before, what to build and what to do differently from your own father. Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette’s picture of the mature King in “King, Warrior, Magician, Lover”, the part of a man that steadies and blesses those in his care, can help here, as a lens rather than a template.
If early fatherhood feels like this, ask for a free call to talk it through, or book a session if you already know you want to start.
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Tell me briefly what kind of support you are looking for.
Include your country and time zone so we can discuss whether online work together is possible and find a suitable time.
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Understanding why early fatherhood is hard matters, and you also need changes you can feel at 3 in the morning and at teatime.
Our work will help you understand what this stage is stirring in you, spot the patterns taking hold and make changes your family can feel. Insight alone does not carry you through a night of crying, so the work has to reach daily life.
I take an active part. I tell you what I notice since the birth, ask plain questions and question stories that keep you stuck. Men’s work, which I have studied since 2010, adds to and deepens my training as a psychotherapist, and it helps me speak with new fathers about strength, tenderness and finding their own place. These 6 questions show what we aim for.
Related reading: Why am I the one who has to remember everything?.
We look for the true difficulty hidden under the din of life with a baby. Lost sleep, rows about chores and a quiet bedroom are real, and often they are symptoms. Underneath there may be a frightening birth, a sense of being replaced, a fear of failing or old feelings about your own father.
I tell you what I see and question lines like “every dad feels this, just get on with it”. If you want to look beneath the tiredness, book a session with me.
You can learn to catch it. A crying baby, a sharp word from your partner or a long day can set it going: tight shoulders, a sinking feeling, the thought “I am useless here”. Noticing that first sinking feeling gives you room to respond in a new way.
In our sessions we go through one bad evening slowly and find what the reaction is shielding you from. Then we rehearse a different response, so the next bad evening does not end in silence or a row.
Staying steady is not feeling nothing. It is staying present enough to choose how you respond. Exhaustion lowers anyone’s threshold, and frustration with a crying baby is normal. What counts is what you do with it.
I help you notice when your body moves into alarm and find concrete ways to slow it, such as laying the baby down safely and stepping out for a minute, breathing, or calling for help. You practise this between sessions, a little every day.
It begins with knowing what you feel and need yourself. Many new fathers stay silent because she has it harder, and then resentment builds and leaks out sideways.
I help you find honest, proportionate words, such as “I want time with the baby on my own, without being corrected”, or simply “I miss us”. I will push you when you keep it all in, and equally when you hope she will guess without a word.
Decisions about leave, part-time hours, childcare, moving closer to family or another child become clearer once you separate guilt, duty and other people’s views from what you value.
Together we set out each option and what it would ask of you, of her and of the baby. You will hear my view, and I will say so if you seem to be dodging it. The decision stays with you and your partner.
Change has to reach past our sessions. It may mean your own routines with the baby, a regular evening for the 2 of you, a friend you can be honest with, nights shared more fairly and time for yourself without guilt.
We work out what your new life genuinely asks of you, and what can carry on unchanged. The goal is not perfection. It is to be present, recognisably yourself and inside your family rather than at its edge.
You can also send me an email
You do not need to know what is wrong. We start with how you are now and what you want to be different.
At the start, I listen for what has been hardest since the birth and give our work a direction. You do not need to explain your whole history.
This is focused online psychotherapy, structured individual work. Online psychotherapy for parents covers parenthood for mothers and fathers with children of any age, while this page is about you as a man in the first years of fatherhood. If the strain sits mainly between you and your partner and she will join, online couples therapy offers long-term relational development and healing. To fix sessions in the calendar before the next sleep regression, a therapy bundle gives real savings and an agreed plan.
I ask how you are, how the pregnancy and birth were for you, what your days and nights look like now and what you most need help with. I listen for what you have not told anyone. Nothing has to be prepared.
As the session closes, I tell you how I understand what you are going through and what I would suggest, and you decide whether that helps. For a talk before booking, request a free 30-minute call.
Individual work fits when the focus is you: your mood, your fear, your sense of being shut out, your memories of the birth or of your own childhood. Many new fathers need a space that is only theirs before they can talk well with their partner.
I carry the continuity from one session to the next and speak frankly about what I notice. Online psychotherapy describes my individual work more broadly.
Choose couples therapy when the relationship itself needs attention: you have become flatmates who share a baby, the rows never stop, or closeness has vanished and you both want it back. Both of you need to be willing.
As an EFT couples therapist, I help the 2 of you notice the loop you keep falling into, and reconnect both as parents and as lovers. Online couples therapy is long-term relational development and healing.
It depends on how heavy things feel and how many free hours a small child allows. When you are really struggling, meeting often at the start makes a difference. Later, every second week tends to work well.
I will tell you if the gaps get too wide to build anything, and when it is safe to slow down. Because we meet by video, a session can sit in the evening after the last feed, or during a nap, without you leaving the house.
A bundle makes sense when you want to stay with the work beyond the first few weeks. New fathers are experts at cancelling themselves first, and a planned course protects that time.
It brings real savings and a fixed plan that already sits in the calendar, and I will help you judge whether one fits. Therapy discounts and bundles sets out each option, and the cards below give a quick view.
We are there when you recognise yourself again, feel near to your child, belong inside the family and can raise hard things with your partner.
I discuss your progress with you plainly and have no wish for sessions that continue simply because they always have. Sessions can thin out, pause or end. Returning when a second baby arrives marks a fresh stage of life, not a failure of the earlier work.
Not sure this is the right starting point? The table puts it next to the other routes new dads tend to weigh up.
| Option | Choose it when | Pace |
|---|---|---|
| Online new fathers therapy (this page) | You are a man in the first years of fatherhood and struggling more than you expected. | Weekly or fortnightly video sessions |
| Online therapy for fathers | Your children are older and the strain is about family life as a whole. | 1-hour video sessions on your own |
| Online psychotherapy for parents | You want help with parenthood in general, as a mother or a father. | 1-hour video sessions on your own |
| Online couples therapy | The relationship has suffered since the birth and you both want help. | Longer joint video sessions |
It is individual psychotherapy by video, in English, for men in the first years of fatherhood who are struggling with low mood, worry, numbness, irritability or feeling shut out. You get room of your own to make sense of what is going on and claim your place in the family.
The work takes in all of you, from the birth and your relationship to your own father and the man you hope to become. It sits within online therapy for fathers.
Reach out once the flatness, worry or distance has hung on for several weeks, or when those closest to you say you seem different. You do not need to wait.
I pay attention to how long this has run, how much sleep you get, whether you are pulling away and whether the birth still haunts you. If your mood is very low, see your doctor as well as me.
Yes. Fathers can struggle after a birth too, with low mood, anxiety or a sense of being shut out. In men it tends to look like a short fuse, longer hours, more drink or a blank feeling rather than crying, which is why people miss it. I cannot promise how quickly it eases, but it can be understood.
In my clinical experience, the new fathers who struggle are often those most determined to be strong for everyone else. We would look at what you have been holding back.
Yes, if part of you agrees. Many new fathers come because a partner noticed first. That is a sign of care, not a criticism, and we start with what you want.
I am not here to referee between the 2 of you. My job is to help you understand what is happening inside you. And if a few sessions in it is not useful, you can simply stop.
Because closeness to a baby can feel tender and frightening at once, especially when you feel clumsy, watched or corrected. So you move in, then retreat and leave it to your partner. It is protection, not a lack of love.
We look at the instant before you retreat, then practise staying, with a nappy change you handle your own way or a bedtime routine that is yours. Confidence grows from contact.
We open with how you are today and how the months since the birth have gone. I ask about the pregnancy and delivery as you lived them, your relationship, your sleep and a little about your own father. You leave with my early sense of what is weighing on you.
Come as tired as you are. Pick a session time that fits the baby’s day, or start with a free call.
Expect a couple of months, meeting each week or each fortnight. Many new fathers feel steadier within a few sessions. A traumatic delivery, or habits from your own early years, take more time.
With a baby at home time is precious, so I suggest a short agreed run of sessions followed by a proper look at what has changed. You choose with me what happens after that.
Better than most men expect. You save the travel, which matters when every hour counts, and you can take the session in a bedroom or a parked car while your partner has the baby. Headphones and a door that closes are all you need.
If your family is spread across countries, video also lets you keep the same therapist through visits home and long stays with grandparents. Every slot in the calendar is shown in your local time. Still undecided? Raise it on a free call.
It is individual psychotherapy in 1-hour video sessions with 50 minutes of therapy. My prices page shows the current fee in US dollars.
If you expect several sessions, a bundle saves 10 per cent and gives you a set plan, explained on therapy discounts and bundles.
Book your first session as a new father, or request a free 30-minute call if you want to talk first. One line about how you are is enough.
When you are going under and the calendar offers nothing soon enough, write to me directly. I hold some room for acute situations, usually a time within days, and acute online psychotherapy describes that help. Choose a time, and we start with you.
You can also send me an email
I want therapy to help you understand your experience and make choices you can use in everyday life. We pay attention to feelings, needs and the responses that happen before you have time to think.
Our online room should offer enough trust and honesty to explore what is difficult. I bring attention and professional judgement. You bring your experience, questions and the right to say when something does not fit.
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P.S. I’ll call you in a bit!
