In this short video, I explain why so many men reach for a dramatic change in their forties and fifties, and how we work out together what the restlessness is really after.
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Online midlife crisis therapy for men helps you make sense of the flatness, unrest or sudden hunger for change that can arrive in your forties and fifties, before it takes decisions on your behalf. You come on your own, by video and in English, for 1-hour sessions with 50 minutes of therapy, at a time that suits your time zone.
I help you look at what your career, your body, your marriage, your children leaving and your ageing parents are stirring in you, and what you actually want from the decades ahead. It sits among the main branches of my online psychotherapy for men. When the turning point is the end of your working life, online therapy for men after job loss or retirement goes deeper into that.
The next step is simple: choose a session, set up a free 30-minute call, read my client policy or write to me.
Online midlife crisis therapy for men is for men, usually somewhere between 40 and 60 and living anywhere in the world, who sense that the life they built no longer quite fits. You may have achieved most of what you set out to do and still feel flat, restless or strangely irritable. You want to understand what is going on before you change something that cannot be changed back.
Midlife brings many kinds of difficulty, and some call for a more specific kind of help. Where one of these lines describes you better, the linked page is a closer fit.
You can also send me an email
These reviews describe clients’ experiences of working with me. They come from my wider practice and do not all relate to online sessions. Each person’s experience is their own, and a review does not promise a particular outcome.
“Across the 9 countries I have lived and worked in, midlife wears very different clothes, yet I believe the question underneath hardly changes. A man in his late forties tries to answer a hunger for meaning with a fast car, a marathon or a new romance, and I do not think he is foolish. I think he is starving and feeding the wrong appetite. Beneath it one voice asks ‘Does anybody still really see me, now that my youngest years are behind me?’ and another says ‘Leave me be. I have earned the right to sort this out my own way.’ I hold firmly that a man’s midlife crisis is seldom about wanting more. It is about wanting something real at last, without yet knowing what.”
Mark Colclough, MA, psychotherapist and EFT couples therapist
I am Mark Colclough, MA. I have practised since 2004 and offer online psychotherapy and couples therapy in English.
My training brings together your emotions, your thoughts and your relationships. My deep passion is the moment when what happens between you finally makes sense, to each of you and to each other. I have lived and worked in nine countries, so I know something of life across languages, cultures and borders.
Read about my background, or explore online psychotherapy and online couples therapy.
I meet regularly with experienced psychotherapists to reflect on my work, question my understanding and develop my skills. Supervision is part of the professional care I bring to individual and couples work, including online sessions.
My focus is thoughtful practice, integrity and responsibility.
You are welcome to ask about the kind of support you need.
Tell me where you are based and your time zone. We can then consider whether online sessions together are suitable.
Sanjay is 50 and has spent 14 years as a partner in an accountancy firm in Toronto, after growing up in Mumbai. His daughters are at university in other cities. Last spring he bought an expensive road bike and now rides alone for 5 hours every Sunday. His wife says she no longer knows him. At a conference in Chicago he spent an evening flirting with a much younger colleague, and he has thought about her ever since. He tells himself he is simply tired.
I would begin with those long rides and what goes through Sanjay’s mind on them. In a first video session he would probably see that he is pedalling away from a question rather than towards an answer: who is he now that the firm is built and the girls have gone?
I have presented this clinical example as a compound of 22 years of clinical practice.
You have tried to outrun the restlessness with work, sport and fresh plans, and each time it comes back a little louder.
There is no correct age for this and no need to wait for something to break. If your life has gone flat, you are drifting from your partner or you sense you are close to something drastic, that is reason enough. You do not need a diagnosis or a neat question. Since 2004 I have sat with many men at exactly this turn, and I know when restlessness has become a pattern that will not settle alone.
I will help you see what is fuelling the unrest, what keeps it going and what needs to change. Use the 6 questions below to judge whether now is the time.
If so, take it seriously. Men describe it in remarkably similar words: the promotion came, the mortgage shrank, and the feeling they had been promised never turned up. Instead there is flatness, a shorter fuse at home and an urge to get away you cannot explain.
I would look at what those goals were really for, and whose approval they were meant to win. That shows us whether you are simply worn out or whether the old story has run its course. Should that describe you, book a session with me.
Both urges can live in the same man, because they serve different needs. One part longs for escape: a fresh start, a younger body, another love. Another stays fiercely loyal to the family, the home and the man you have been. You may plan a getaway on Tuesday and feel ashamed of it by Thursday.
Neither part is the villain in my room. I help you hear what each is protecting. The aim is not to silence the wish for change but to learn what it truly wants before it picks for you.
A great many men do at this stage. A younger colleague lands the project, your partner seems busier with her own friends, your teenage son stops asking your advice. Each moment is small, yet together they whisper that you are drifting to the edge of things.
Your need to matter is real, and I will not mock it. I help you calm the alarm that reads every change as rejection, and say plainly what you need, rather than sulking, overworking or looking for admiration somewhere it will cost you.
That push and pull is very common in midlife. You want to be truly seen again, and when your partner tries, you feel crowded or judged. You book a weekend away for you both and spend most of it on your phone.
I help you slow the cycle, so we can find the instant when wanting tips into backing off. Frequently the trigger is dread that she will discover how unhappy you are. I respect why you protect yourself, and I will also ask you to own the moves that hurt her and practise staying.
Plenty of men do. When home feels heavy or the questions grow too large, you add another race, another flight or another evening at your desk. Your family stops expecting you, and the question you are dodging simply waits.
In my view the escape is not selfishness. It is usually a way of not being swamped. I help you see what the distance shields you from, stay present a little longer and say “something is troubling me” before you disappear into the next project.
A man’s sense of himself is often built out of his job, his income and the people who rely on him. Take away the climb, empty the children’s rooms and slow the legs, and that structure starts to creak. You may feel surplus to requirements, oddly adolescent or unsure what you actually like doing.
Together we go through the old self piece by piece: what still fits, what you have grown out of. I will call it when you hang on to the past or bolt from it, and I will not write your next chapter for you. What you leave with is a clear picture of the man you are at this age and the life you want for the next 2 decades.
If these questions sound like your life, book a free call to talk it through, or choose a session time and we will begin.
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Tell me briefly what kind of support you are looking for.
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Understanding the restlessness is a start, but the work has to change how you live, love and choose from here on.
I will help you understand what is really happening at this stage of your life, see the patterns that keep you stuck and make changes you can actually live with. Insight alone rarely helps here. A man can know exactly why he is restless and still wreck his life over it.
So I take an active role, and I will challenge as well as listen. Since 2010 I have been a student of men’s work, and it adds to and deepens my psychotherapy training rather than replacing it. Sam Keen’s “Fire in the Belly” is especially useful at midlife. He shows how a man’s identity gets fused with work, achievement and competition, and how the second half of life can open room for feeling, friendship, wonder and care. These 6 questions describe what we work towards.
Related reading: Why does the life I built suddenly feel wrong?.
We start by telling the signal from the static. The new bike, the fantasies, the snappiness and the small-hours scrolling all count, yet mostly they are smoke. The fire beneath tends to be one of a few things: mourning for the young man you were, a thirst for meaning, or a part of you that never got its turn.
You will hear my honest reading, and I will push back on stories that keep you stuck, “it is just a phase all men go through” among them. Dreams and bodily signals get attention too, because they often notice first. To start, book a session with me.
Yes. Before the impulsive purchase, the resignation letter typed at midnight or the late drink with the wrong person, a chain usually runs: dull boredom, a prick of feeling invisible, then a rush of excitement. Know your chain and a gap opens.
On our calls we rewind recent episodes frame by frame, to see what lit the fuse and what it promised. Knowing the chain is half the job. The other half is practising a different move until it holds on a tired Friday evening.
The target is not calm about ageing. It is feeling the dread of time running out and still picking your next move. That dread rushes men into action, while a settled nervous system lets you treat it as information rather than an order.
I help you catch the panic sooner and hear what it is about, often death, loss or an old belief that you have not achieved enough. Together we find ways of slowing your system that fit your life, and I expect you to use them on the days we do not meet.
It starts with knowing what you feel and want, which at midlife is often unclear even to you. So men either say nothing or announce something enormous. Neither helps, and both leave your partner outside.
I help you find words that are honest, specific and in proportion, such as “I feel lost, and I do not want to lose us”. I will notice when you clam up, and when you hand her the job of mending it. We practise the actual conversation until you can have it without detonating or disappearing.
Strip away the fear, the boredom, the pride and what everyone else expects, and look at what you care about. Midlife likes to present 2 bad choices, freeze everything or blow everything up. A third path nearly always exists.
We follow each option forward and ask what it would really demand of you and the people you love. I tell you what I think, and I name it when you are rushing or stalling. The choice remains yours, and I hope it is one you can still respect at 75.
Real change shows in an ordinary Wednesday and an ordinary Saturday: how you work, how you rest and how you treat the people closest to you. David Deida’s “The Man of Zero” describes a freedom beyond ambition, the strength of a man who no longer has to prove anything. For many men, that becomes the real point of midlife.
We choose together what to alter and what to guard. Your drive and your loyalty are assets, not faults. What we want is a life steered by what matters to you now, rather than by what you needed to prove at 30.
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Crisis or rough patch, you do not have to know which before we start. We begin with how your days actually feel.
From the first call I listen, help you name the thing that is truly unsettling you and set a course for our work. A tidy life story is not required. Plenty of men open with “I cannot even say what the problem is”, and we work from there.
This is focused online psychotherapy, with you, your history and your relationships at the centre. If your marriage turns out to be the heart of it and your partner is willing, online couples therapy offers long-term relational development and healing. If you can see this will take a while, therapy discounts and bundles give you real savings and the security of a set plan.
You tell me why now, which part of life feels shakiest, what you have already attempted and what you would like to be different. I also map the big turns so far, such as children, parents, health, moves abroad and work, since unrest at this age rarely has a single source.
Before we end I give you my early reading and a suggested route, and you judge whether it makes sense. To talk before you commit, book a free 30-minute call.
Work alone with me when the questions are mostly yours: who you have become, what you are mourning, what you still want and how you hold pressure. That is where midlife usually starts, even if it surfaces at home. Your marriage can be explored in depth with your partner absent.
Solo sessions give you a continuous thread and someone who will challenge you honestly week by week. Online psychotherapy describes my structured individual work in full.
Choose joint sessions when the marriage is the thing that needs steady work. Living side by side like housemates, trust that has cracked, or one of you always reaching while the other turns away are all signs that working together will take you further.
With both of you on screen, I help you see the cycle, own your parts in it and build something more secure. Online couples therapy is long-term relational development and healing, and many men start alone and bring their partner in later.
The rhythm follows the pressure. When a major decision is close, we meet more tightly. When the unrest is a slow background hum, a steady pattern does the job.
Most men start weekly or fortnightly. I will say so if the spacing is too loose, if a closer run would help or if we can stretch things out. If you travel constantly, a few back-to-back sessions over several days can replace the weekly slot.
A bundle makes sense when you know the work will take several sessions and you want it protected from a crowded calendar. Midlife questions rarely resolve in a month, and a plan stops you drifting away just as things get interesting.
You get real savings and the security of a plan already agreed. I will tell you honestly whether one fits. Compare what is available on therapy discounts and bundles or in the cards lower down.
We are finished when the unrest has become a sense of direction, the big changes have been made or turned down with a cool head, and you no longer need regular sessions to keep your balance. Your own life feels like home again.
We look at progress together and plainly, and I have no wish to hold on to you. Sessions can space out, pause or end. Returning at 60, or when retirement comes, is a fresh chapter rather than a sign that the first one failed.
Not sure this is the right place to begin? Here is how online midlife crisis therapy for men compares with the options men at this stage most often weigh up.
| Option | Choose it when | Pace |
|---|---|---|
| Online midlife crisis therapy for men (this page) | The life you built no longer fits, and you feel pulled towards big change. | Weekly 1-hour video sessions at first |
| Online therapy for men after job loss or retirement | The end of your working life is at the centre of it. | Weekly video sessions at first |
| Online therapy for depression in men | Numbness, irritability or heaviness dominate most days. | A steady course of video sessions |
| Online therapy for men in relationships | You want to work on your part in your relationship, alone. | Video sessions at a pace you choose |
Midlife crisis therapy for men with me is individual psychotherapy by video, in English, for men in their forties, fifties or early sixties who feel restless, empty or tempted by drastic change. It helps you understand what this stage is stirring and decide what to change with a clear head.
Within my work with men it is one of the main branches, rooted in depth psychotherapy and informed by men’s work. My general midlife page covers the same stage without the focus on men.
When the unrest starts eating into your sleep, your closeness at home or your judgement, or when you notice you are a step away from something you could regret. Nothing dramatic has to happen first, no affair, no walkout, no ultimatum.
I look at how long the unrest has lasted, what it attaches itself to and what you have quietly given up. That tells me whether this is a passing phase or something that needs proper attention.
It cannot choose for you, but it can help enormously. You get somewhere to slow down and look at what the impulse is about before acting on it. I do not promise results, and I do not sell quick fixes.
In my clinical experience, men who take time to understand the urge often make a smaller, wiser change than the one they first pictured, and it lasts. Our focus would be the thing that urge is really reaching towards.
Not at all. A partner’s push is how many men end up in my calendar, and it is as good a starting point as any. You can reject the label and still come. I am not on her side, and I will not cast you as the problem.
My questions will be about your own view of what is happening and what you want. Should the relationship turn out to be the real work, we can look at couples sessions at that point.
Because both are genuine needs, and midlife sharpens each of them. Part of you wants to be held and recognised. Another part is hungry for air after decades of obligation. Whenever one grows loud, the other kicks back.
We track the moments you lean in and the moments you pull back, what each protects and what it costs. Then we work on steadier options, such as asking for time alone without vanishing, and asking for closeness without turning it into a test.
Your life in the present: work, home, your body and whatever keeps you up at 3 in the morning. I ask how the last few years have changed things and what you have felt tempted to do. Before we finish you will hear my view.
You do not need to prepare a speech. “I just feel off” is enough to begin. Whenever you are ready, book your first session or try a free discovery call.
Count in months, not weeks, typically starting weekly or every other week. While a big choice is on the table, we may tighten that for a spell.
From 22 years of practice, I suggest we agree a first stretch and then review it honestly. Then you and I settle together whether to continue, ease off or end.
Yes, and come alone first in most cases. Midlife questions usually concern you before they concern the relationship, and many men speak more freely without their partner present. Video lets you talk from a hotel room or a home office, wherever work takes you.
You need privacy, headphones and a stable connection. If the marriage is clearly the problem and you both want to work on it, couples sessions are the better start. Still unsure? We can work out the format together on a free call.
This is individual psychotherapy, so you book 1-hour video sessions that each hold 50 minutes of therapy. Current fees in US dollars are shown on my prices page.
A bundle of sessions saves you 10 per cent on each one and puts a structured plan in your calendar. See therapy discounts and bundles for the options.
Pick a first session in the calendar, or ask for a free 30-minute call if you want a conversation first. One line about what is happening is plenty, and every time shows in your local zone.
If a big step is days away and nothing in the calendar is soon enough, write to me. Some space is kept back for acute cases, usually within days, as acute online psychotherapy explains. Book now, and we start with where you are.
You can also send me an email
I want therapy to help you understand your experience and make choices you can use in everyday life. We pay attention to feelings, needs and the responses that happen before you have time to think.
Our online room should offer enough trust and honesty to explore what is difficult. I bring attention and professional judgement. You bring your experience, questions and the right to say when something does not fit.
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P.S. I’ll call you in a bit!
