In this short video, I explain why the end of a job can knock a man off his feet, and why letting yourself grieve it usually gets you moving again sooner.
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Online therapy for men after job loss or retirement helps you with what happens inside when the work that gave your weeks shape, standing and company comes to an end. We meet one to one by video, in English, for 1-hour sessions with 50 minutes of therapy, at an hour that fits your time zone.
I help you grieve what has gone, put some structure back into your days and discover who you are beyond a job title and a monthly salary. This is a focused branch of online midlife crisis therapy for men, within my online psychotherapy for men.
To take the next step, reserve a session, ask for a free 30-minute call, look over my client policy or drop me a line.
Online therapy for men after job loss or retirement is for men, in any country, whose working life has stopped, suddenly or by design, and who feel adrift without it. You may have been laid off, restructured out, quietly sidelined or given a retirement party. You want to get through the loss without losing yourself, and to work out what comes next.
The end of work touches many parts of a life, and some situations call for different help. If a line below sounds closer to yours, begin with the page it links to.
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These reviews describe clients’ experiences of working with me. They come from my wider practice and do not all relate to online sessions. Each person’s experience is their own, and a review does not promise a particular outcome.
“Of all the men I see online, the ones who struggle longest after losing their work are rarely the ones who cry about it. They are the ones who turn it into a project at once: polish the profile, stay upbeat, apply for everything. The grief slips underground and resurfaces as bad nights, a sharp tongue and an early drink. Under that I hear one voice asking ‘Am I still worth anything to you, now that I bring nothing home?’ and another insisting ‘Please do not bring it up. I will handle it myself.’ Some men carry both at once: ‘Notice that I am going under, but do not say a word.’ I am certain the man who mourns his work regains his footing sooner than the man who skips the mourning.”
Mark Colclough, MA, psychotherapist and EFT couples therapist
I am Mark Colclough, MA. I have practised since 2004 and offer online psychotherapy and couples therapy in English.
My training brings together your emotions, your thoughts and your relationships. My deep passion is the moment when what happens between you finally makes sense, to each of you and to each other. I have lived and worked in nine countries, so I know something of life across languages, cultures and borders.
Read about my background, or explore online psychotherapy and online couples therapy.
I meet regularly with experienced psychotherapists to reflect on my work, question my understanding and develop my skills. Supervision is part of the professional care I bring to individual and couples work, including online sessions.
My focus is thoughtful practice, integrity and responsibility.
You are welcome to ask about the kind of support you need.
Tell me where you are based and your time zone. We can then consider whether online sessions together are suitable.
Theo is 63 and ran a container terminal in Rotterdam for 17 years. 4 months ago he retired, and he and his wife moved to a house near Faro they had dreamed about for a decade. She has joined a walking group and a language class. Theo fixes things that are not broken, reads shipping news at breakfast and checks his old work email, which no longer works. Asked by neighbours what he did, he talks for 20 minutes and goes quiet for the rest of the evening.
I would start with those 20 minutes and what Theo is holding on to while he talks. In a first video session he would probably see that he has moved house without letting himself leave the job, and that the sadness he keeps busy to avoid deserves its proper place.
I have presented this clinical example as a compound of 22 years of clinical practice.
You have kept busy and positive since the work ended, and something underneath keeps dragging at you anyway.
There is no correct moment to look for help after a job ends, and you do not have to sink first. Empty days, a short fuse with your family or a nagging sense that you no longer know what you are for are reason enough, and no diagnosis is needed. Over 22 years of practice I have met many men exactly here, and I can tell when a hard transition is hardening into a pattern that will not lift on its own.
I will help you see what the loss has touched, what keeps you stuck and what needs to shift. Read the 6 questions below and count how many describe your weeks.
If so, take it seriously. Without a job to go to, many men find the clock stops meaning anything. You start the day later, lose the afternoon to errands and screens and reach the evening feeling you have not earned it. Bedtime creeps past midnight, small jobs feel heavy and a drink arrives earlier because nothing says no.
I would look at what the old routine gave you besides a timetable: purpose, company and a place to be somebody. That tells us whether this is a normal adjustment or a slide that needs action. Should your weeks look like this, book a session with me.
Both feelings are genuine, and they guard different things. One part of you is tired to the bone and has earned a pause. Another part absorbed the rule that a man without work counts for less. So you lie on the sofa feeling guilty, or grab a job you do not want simply to quiet that voice.
Neither side is wrong in my eyes. Once we hear what each one is protecting, you can rest without falling apart and look for work without panic. Fear stops setting your pace, and you set it instead.
A lot of men feel this after work ends. Your partner’s busy diary, a friend’s new role or your son’s first big job can each feel like a quiet note that you are off the pitch. You may chase respect in small ways, insisting on being right or taking over the kitchen.
Wanting to matter is a fair need, and I will not make fun of it. I help you settle the alarm that treats every change as a demotion, and say plainly what you need, for instance “this is harder for me than I let on”.
That is extremely common. You miss the banter of the old team and accept a lunch with former colleagues, then cancel that morning. You want your partner near, and when she asks how the search is going you feel cornered. Being with people feels necessary and risky at once.
Together we find the exact point where wanting company turns into hiding. Often it is the dread of being pitied. I respect that protection. I will also help you find people and places where you can simply be among others without putting on a show.
Many men do. When the empty hours or your partner’s anxious questions press in, you start a project, scroll for hours or head out for a drink. It buys a little control, while the loss stays unspoken and your family is left on the outside.
I see this retreat as a way of not being swamped, not as weakness of character. I help you see what it shields you from, and say “give me an hour, then we talk” before withdrawal sets into a wall.
For many men, work silently carried almost all of their identity: what they say at parties, how they fill their days, how they feel useful. When it stops you can feel blank, embarrassed or oddly like a schoolboy again. That is not damage. It means you invested heavily in one place.
I help you separate which parts of your working self are truly yours and which belonged to the role. I will challenge you when you cling to the old title, and I will not invent a new purpose for you. The aim is to find out what matters to you now.
If these questions match your days, book a free call to talk it through, or choose a session time if you would rather simply begin.
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Tell me briefly what kind of support you are looking for.
Include your country and time zone so we can discuss whether online work together is possible and find a suitable time.
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Knowing what the loss means matters, yet you also need days with a shape, people around you and somewhere to head.
Together we look at what the end of your work has churned up, spot the habits that hold you in place and change how your days actually run. Insight counts, but a man who grasps his grief perfectly and still spends every afternoon alone has not travelled far.
I take an active part, guiding and challenging rather than only listening. Men’s work has been part of my learning since 2010, adding to and deepening my training as a psychotherapist without taking its place. Sam Keen’s “Fire in the Belly” reminds men that they are more than their jobs, and that a fuller manhood has room for feeling, friendship, wonder and care. Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette write about the King, the energy in a man that sets things in order and gives his blessing to others. When the kingdom of work is gone, that King needs new ground: a family, a community, younger people who could use what he knows. These 6 questions show what we work towards.
Related reading: Why does the life I built suddenly feel wrong? and Why does reaching my goals leave me feeling flat?.
I help you lift the loss itself out from everything piled on top of it. Money worries, irritability and blank afternoons are real, yet underneath there is often something sharper: lost standing, lost companions, loyalty that was not returned or the fear of being old.
I say what I see and question the explanations that keep you stuck, such as “I just need something lined up fast”. We also give the anger and the sadness room, because they need it. Book a session with me once you feel ready to look at it.
You can learn the early signs. The slide starts small: a later start, a skipped walk, the thought “why bother”, the first drink a little sooner than yesterday. Once you know your own signals, you have a moment to choose otherwise.
In our sessions we go through your recent days and find where they tipped. Seeing it is only half the job. Together we sketch a simple shape for your week and practise keeping it until it holds on grey days too.
Being steady is not pretending you are fine. It means feeling the rage at your employer, or the fear about money and age, and still choosing your next move. Anger that is swallowed usually leaks out at home.
I help you notice the surge sooner in your body and understand what it is about, often something older than this job. We find ways of settling that suit you, physical as well as mental, and I will ask you to practise them between sessions.
It starts with knowing what you feel and what you need from her. After a job ends, many men show only irritation or silence, and their partner is left guessing. What goes unsaid soon turns sour on both sides.
I help you find words that are honest and in proportion, such as “I feel ashamed, and I need a break from questions about applications”. I challenge you when you go quiet, and when you expect your partner to absorb all your moods. We rehearse it until you can say it.
The options get clearer once you set panic, pride, money pressure and other people’s views to one side and ask what you actually want. After losing work, men tend to leap at the first offer or stop looking altogether.
I help you weigh the real choices, a similar post, a new direction, part-time or voluntary work or retirement, and what each would ask of you. I share my honest view and say when you are rushing or stalling. The decision remains yours.
It shows in ordinary weeks: a routine that holds, people you see regularly, something you are learning and somewhere you are useful. For some men that means a new post. Others find it in coaching younger people, in a workshop, a choir or long afternoons with grandchildren.
We decide between us what to alter and what to keep. Being capable and wanting to contribute are strengths, not faults. What we aim for is a life that suits the man you are today, with your value no longer measured in salary.
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You do not need a plan for the future or the right words. We begin with how your days are going now.
When you begin, I listen, help you name what the loss has touched and give our work a direction from the first session. You do not have to recount your whole career or have the next one mapped out.
This is focused online psychotherapy, looking at you, your working life and your relationships. If the strain lives mainly in your relationship and your partner is willing, online couples therapy offers long-term relational development and healing. If you expect several sessions, therapy discounts and bundles bring real savings and the security of a plan.
You tell me how the work ended, what an ordinary day looks like now, what you have attempted and what you would like to change. I ask a little about your working life and your family too, including how your own father handled work and its ending.
Before the hour is up I share my early reading and a proposed route, and you decide whether it helps. If you would rather speak before booking, request a free 30-minute call.
From day one, in most cases. This kind of loss sits in your self-worth, your past and the rhythm of your week, which is territory for one-to-one work. We can explore its effect on your relationship without your partner needing to join.
Working alone with me gives you a steady thread and plain challenge from session to session. For the wider picture, online psychotherapy explains how I work with individuals.
Choose couples therapy when the relationship itself needs sustained attention, not only you. If the job loss has become the same row every evening, if roles at home have flipped and resentment is growing, or if one of you pursues while the other withdraws, working on it together often helps more.
With both of you on screen, I help you see the cycle, own your parts and build more secure ways of relating. Online couples therapy is long-term relational development and healing.
The pace follows how heavy your days feel and how much scaffolding you need. Straight after a job ends, a fixed weekly video session may be one of the few appointments in your diary, and that matters.
I usually recommend weekly sessions at first, spacing them out as your days find their shape. I will say if the spacing gets too loose, and when it is safe to stretch it. Back-to-back sessions over a few days are possible too.
Choose a bundle once it is clear you need a run of sessions and want something dependable through an unsettled period. It also ends the weekly debate about whether you can justify the cost.
You get real savings, plus the security of a structured plan while much else is uncertain. I will tell you whether one suits your situation. The cards below, and my page on therapy discounts and bundles, list what is available.
We can stop when you have actually mourned the job instead of burying it, when your weeks have a pattern you enjoy and when you manage without regular sessions. You can answer questions about what you do without flinching.
I review progress openly and do not encourage dependence. Sessions can thin out, pause or end. Should a new post, or retirement itself, raise new questions later, returning is simply part of living.
Not sure this is where to start? Here is how online therapy for men after job loss or retirement compares with the nearest options.
| Option | Choose it when | Pace |
|---|---|---|
| Online therapy for men after job loss or retirement (this page) | Your working life has ended and you feel lost without it. | Weekly 1-hour video sessions at first |
| Online midlife crisis therapy for men | Your work continues, but the whole life you built feels wrong. | Weekly or fortnightly video sessions |
| Online psychotherapy for men | Work is one theme among several you want to look at as a man. | Video sessions at a pace you choose |
| Online therapy for depression in men | Low mood, numbness or irritability fill most days. | A steady course of video sessions |
It is individual psychotherapy by video, in English, for men whose working life has ended, through redundancy, dismissal, illness or retirement, and who feel lost, ashamed or flat without it. Together we mourn what ended, give your weeks a frame again and explore the man you are without the job.
It branches off my midlife work with men and rests on depth psychotherapy. If you still have a job and are weighing a change, career crossroads work fits better.
No need to wait at all. If the end of work is eating into your sleep, temper, health or closeness, or the weeks pass without you feeling steadier, that is the moment. Rock bottom is not a requirement.
Over 22 years I have learned to watch for the quiet signs: drinking earlier, avoiding friends, sharp words at home and a growing feeling of pointlessness. If you recognise them, it is worth acting on.
Not directly. I am a psychotherapist, not a careers coach or a recruiter. What therapy can do is work on whatever makes the search so hard, such as the shame, the anger, the lost confidence or the panic, so that you look for the right thing more steadily.
Many men find that once the loss has been grieved, their applications and interviews change tone. They stop sounding like apologies.
Retirement gives, and it also takes. In a single week a man can lose his role, his routine, his colleagues and his way of being useful. Feeling adrift is not ingratitude, and it does not mean you are retiring badly.
I help you grieve what has ended and find out what you want this stage to hold. For many men it turns out to be less about filling time and more about feeling needed again.
Both protect you when you feel small or out of control. Snapping gives a burst of strength. Silence keeps the hurt out of sight. Many men do both in one evening and feel worse afterwards.
We map what triggers each reaction, what it shields and what it costs the people at home. Then you practise other moves: admitting you are struggling, stepping away without vanishing, and returning to finish the talk.
We cover how the job ended, how you sleep, how the hours get filled and which part hurts most. I want to know what work gave you and what disappeared with it, and before we finish I tell you plainly what I see.
Come as you are, without notes or a plan. “I do not know what to do with myself” is a fine place to start. Book your first session when you feel ready, or try a free discovery call first.
Expect a few months of work, normally starting with a weekly call. If the loss has stirred older pain, or low mood has set in, it may take longer.
Drawing on 22 years of practice, I suggest we agree a first stretch and review it honestly. Then we decide jointly whether to carry on, ease off or end.
Yes, and it can even help. A fixed video appointment gives your week an anchor, and it is worth treating it like a meeting: dressed, at a table, with the door closed. If you have moved country for retirement, the work carries on wherever you are.
Find a room with a door that shuts, use headphones and check your connection. If home feels too close for comfort, a quiet library room or a parked car works well. We can settle any doubts on a free call.
Sessions are booked as hours online, each with 50 minutes of therapy, as for all my individual work. My prices page lists the current amount in US dollars.
A bundle lowers the cost of each session by 10 per cent and gives you a structured plan. The options are on therapy discounts and bundles.
Book your first session through the calendar, or start with a free 30-minute call to talk it over. A short note is enough, and the calendar shows your own local time.
If you were let go only days ago and are still reeling, or no slot fits, write to me. Some time is set aside for acute cases, usually within days, as acute online psychotherapy sets out. Book a time, and we begin with this week.
You can also send me an email
I want therapy to help you understand your experience and make choices you can use in everyday life. We pay attention to feelings, needs and the responses that happen before you have time to think.
Our online room should offer enough trust and honesty to explore what is difficult. I bring attention and professional judgement. You bring your experience, questions and the right to say when something does not fit.
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