In this short video, I explain how autism and ADHD can pull one person in two directions, and how online sessions help a couple live with both.
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Online AuDHD couples therapy is for couples who speak English, wherever in the world you are, where one or both partners are both autistic and ADHD. Sessions happen by video at a time that suits your time zone.
AuDHD can mean needing routine and craving novelty, wanting closeness and needing space, all inside the same week or even the same hour. For a partner, that can be confusing. For the AuDHD partner, being asked to be just one thing can be exhausting. We work with both pulls at once, rather than one at a time.
This page belongs under online neurodiverse couples therapy. If your partner will not take part, see online AuDHD couples therapy alone. You can book a free 30-minute call, reserve a session, read my client policy or drop me a line.
Online AuDHD couples therapy is for English-speaking couples, wherever you live, who take part together and where one or both of you are both autistic and ADHD.
One of these pages may suit you better.
You can also send me an email
These reviews describe clients’ experiences of working with me. They come from my wider practice and do not all relate to online sessions. Each person’s experience is their own, and a review does not promise a particular outcome.
“With the neurodiverse couples I work with, I find that AuDHD partners are constantly asked to be one thing, when in fact they are two at once. Under the surface, the other partner may be wondering ‘Which version of you will I get today?’, while the AuDHD partner is wondering ‘Can you accept all of me, not just the easy half?’. Some feel ‘Hold me’ and ‘Do not touch me’ within the same hour. When both pulls are named out loud, the relationship can finally make room for them.”
Mark Colclough, MA, psychotherapist and EFT couples therapist
I am Mark Colclough, MA. I have practised since 2004 and offer online psychotherapy and couples therapy in English.
My training brings together your emotions, your thoughts and your relationships. My deep passion is the moment when what happens between you finally makes sense, to each of you and to each other. I have lived and worked in nine countries, so I know something of life across languages, cultures and borders.
Read about my background, or explore online psychotherapy and online couples therapy.
I meet regularly with experienced psychotherapists to reflect on my work, question my understanding and develop my skills. Supervision is part of the professional care I bring to individual and couples work, including online sessions.
My focus is thoughtful practice, integrity and responsibility.
You are welcome to ask about the kind of support you need.
Tell me where you are based and your time zone. We can then consider whether online sessions together are suitable.
Zara has AuDHD and runs a small design studio in Melbourne. Her husband, Tom, is a calm, steady planner. Some weeks Zara fills the calendar with trips, dinners and new projects. Other weeks she cannot face a phone call. Tom tries to keep up, then tries to slow her down, and gets it wrong both ways. Zara feels managed. Tom feels he is living with a stranger every few days.
In our online sessions they learn to see the two pulls, not two different women. Zara starts each day with a single number from one to five on the fridge. Tom stops guessing. They keep two fixed evenings a week and leave the weekend half open, and the swings become something they plan around together.
I have presented this clinical example as a compound of 22 years of clinical practice.
Two pulls in one person are not a contradiction. They are a pattern you can learn to plan for.
Couples living with AuDHD often describe a relationship that never feels settled. Plans are made with great energy and then dropped. Quiet weekends are longed for and then become unbearable. Both of you feel you are guessing.
Online AuDHD couples therapy helps you understand the two pulls clearly enough that daily life becomes more predictable, without becoming dull.
The autistic side may want the same breakfast, the same route and the same evening rhythm. The ADHD side may crave something new by Wednesday. Both are real needs, and they keep crashing into each other, and into the partner.
We look at where each pull shows up, and design a week that has fixed points and open space.
Weeks full of ideas, late nights and big plans can be followed by days of shutdown when even a supermarket feels too much. The relationship swings with it.
We learn to see the swing coming, and agree what each of you does on a high day and on a low one.
The house may look like chaos to the partner, yet moving one pile can feel unbearable to the AuDHD partner, because the mess has its own hidden order.
We find out what the order is, and negotiate the shared spaces so both of you can live in them.
Many AuDHD adults feel misunderstood by almost everyone, including the person closest to them. That loneliness can make every small criticism land very hard.
We make room for the AuDHD partner to be understood as a whole person, not as two separate labels.
The other partner may no longer know whether to bring calm or excitement, structure or freedom. Whatever they choose seems to be wrong half the time.
We give them a simple way to ask, and the AuDHD partner a simple way to answer.
A late diagnosis can explain decades of struggle in one afternoon. But understanding why does not automatically change Tuesday night.
We turn the explanation into practical changes, step by step.
Recognise yourselves? Book a session, request a call or simply write to me.
You can also send me an email
Tell me briefly what kind of support you are looking for.
Include your country and time zone so we can discuss whether online work together is possible and find a suitable time.
You do not need to explain your whole story in your first message.
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Name both pulls first. Then build a life with room for each.
In online AuDHD couples therapy we separate the threads: what comes from autism, what comes from ADHD, what comes from the pattern between you. Then we build agreements that leave room for routine and for novelty, for closeness and for retreat.
We keep the work concrete. Each session ends with one or two specific things to try.
We take a recent clash and look at it slowly. Was it a need for sameness that got disrupted, an energy crash, an overloaded evening or a plan that was forgotten? Seeing which thread was pulled makes the next move much clearer.
Yes. We map the early signs of a high and of a low, and agree what each of you does on those days, so the swings stop catching you off guard.
Yes. Many couples agree on a short daily signal, a word, a colour or a number, that tells the other partner what kind of day it is. It takes away a lot of guessing.
Yes. We look for a week that has some fixed anchors, such as meals or bedtime, and some deliberately open slots for spontaneity. Both parts of the AuDHD mind get fed, and the partner knows where they stand.
Often. Years of broken plans and unexplained shutdowns can leave both partners wary. We look back with the new understanding, so the old moments can be seen for what they were.
More predictable without being rigid. Fewer surprises that hurt, more surprises that are fun. And a partner who no longer has to guess which version of you will come home.
You can also send me an email
You do not have to sort out which label explains what before we begin. We do that together.
In the first sessions I learn how autism and ADHD show up in your daily life, what has been going wrong and what you hope for. If one of you would be better helped by online psychotherapy first, I will tell you.
Two hours by video, with a loose plan and breaks built in. Each of you describes a high day and a low day. By the end we have a first picture of how the two pulls play out between you.
Flexible within a clear frame. I share the outline at the start and leave room for detours. You can move, fidget, stand, switch your camera off for a moment or type in the chat. I can send a short written summary afterwards.
Now and then. If one of you needs space to say something difficult without the other listening, a brief individual session can help. I explain beforehand what it is for.
Usually every two to three weeks, so you have time to test new agreements on both high and low days. A compact block is also possible through back-to-back online neurodiverse couples therapy.
AuDHD couples work tends to need a series of sessions, and a bundle saves the AuDHD partner from having to remember to rebook. A therapy bundle also brings the price per session down. The cards below show the choices.
The swings still happen, but they surprise you less and hurt less. You both know what to do on a hard day. When that holds without me, we agree how to finish.
Choosing between pages? These are the nearest options.
| Option | Choose it when | Pace |
|---|---|---|
| Online AuDHD couples therapy (this page) | Autism and ADHD are both in play. | 2 hours, every two to three weeks |
| Online AuDHD couples therapy alone | You take part on your own. | 1-hour sessions on your own |
| Online ADHD couples therapy | ADHD is the main theme. | 2-hour sessions |
| Online autism couples therapy | Autism is the main theme. | 2-hour sessions |
It is couples therapy by video, in English, for couples where one or both partners are both autistic and ADHD. It works with both sides of the AuDHD mind together, and with the relationship around it.
AuDHD is an everyday word for being both autistic and ADHD. The two can pull in opposite directions, for example towards routine and towards novelty, which is why they need to be understood together.
No. Some people have one diagnosis, some both, some neither yet. We work from what you recognise in daily life.
That is common. When both of you are neurodivergent, your needs may overlap in some places and clash in others. We map your particular mix and work from there.
Yes. Mismatched energy is one of the most common strains. We plan for it, so a low day for one of you does not automatically become a lonely day for the other.
You can, if one side clearly dominates: see online ADHD couples therapy or online autism couples therapy. This page is for when both sides are in play and pull against each other.
No. For assessment or medication, please see a doctor or specialist service in your own country. I work with the relationship.
Most couples need a series of sessions. Some notice a real change after a handful, others need longer. We review at regular points and adjust the plan.
A session lasts two hours online. Fees in US dollars are on my prices page, and a therapy bundle lowers them by 10 per cent.
Use the booking calendar, which shows times in your own time zone, or request a free 30-minute call if you would like to talk first. A short message works too.
You can also send me an email
I want therapy to help you understand your experience and make choices you can use in everyday life. We pay attention to feelings, needs and the responses that happen before you have time to think.
Our online room should offer enough trust and honesty to explore what is difficult. I bring attention and professional judgement. You bring your experience, questions and the right to say when something does not fit.
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P.S. I’ll call you in a bit!
