In this short video, I show how I slow things down for neurodiverse couples in the middle of a storm, and how I shape each session so both of you can stay in it.
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Acute online neurodiverse couples therapy is for English-speaking couples, anywhere in the world, where one or both of you are autistic, have ADHD or are AuDHD, and the relationship has reached breaking point. We meet by video soon, in 2-hour sessions with breaks built in, at an hour that suits your time zone.
Our first task is to ease the overload, so the crisis stops feeding itself. Then we make sense of what has been going wrong between two differently wired minds, and you decide your next step with a cooler head. This page joins acute online couples therapy with my online neurodiverse couples therapy work, inside online couples therapy.
You can ask for a free 30-minute call, book a session, read my client policy or write to me.
Acute online neurodiverse couples therapy is for English-speaking couples, wherever you live, where one or both of you are autistic, have ADHD or are AuDHD and things between you have reached a breaking point. You need help soon to bring the overload down and decide what happens next.
This page is for neurodiverse couples in the first raw weeks of a crisis. If one of these fits better, follow the link.
You can also send me an email
These reviews describe clients’ experiences of working with me. They come from my wider practice and do not all relate to online sessions. Each person’s experience is their own, and a review does not promise a particular outcome.
“When a couple sits down with me in the first week after a shock, and one or both of them are neurodivergent, I can usually see two exhausted nervous systems before I see two people who have stopped loving each other. One partner may be asking ‘Why won’t you just tell me what’s wrong?’, while the other is asking ‘Why can’t you give me a moment to work it out?’. Neither question is unreasonable. Both are being asked from overload. When we lower the load, the love underneath usually becomes visible again, and that is when real choices become possible.”
Mark Colclough, MA, psychotherapist and EFT couples therapist
I am Mark Colclough, MA. I have practised since 2004 and offer online psychotherapy and couples therapy in English.
My training brings together your emotions, your thoughts and your relationships. My deep passion is the moment when what happens between you finally makes sense, to each of you and to each other. I have lived and worked in nine countries, so I know something of life across languages, cultures and borders.
Read about my background, or explore online psychotherapy and online couples therapy.
I meet regularly with experienced psychotherapists to reflect on my work, question my understanding and develop my skills. Supervision is part of the professional care I bring to individual and couples work, including online sessions.
My focus is thoughtful practice, integrity and responsibility.
You are welcome to ask about the kind of support you need.
Tell me where you are based and your time zone. We can then consider whether online sessions together are suitable.
Ingrid is autistic and Leo has ADHD. They live in Edinburgh with their four-year-old, and since Leo started a demanding new job, the household routines have collapsed. Ingrid has had three shutdowns in a week, going silent for hours. Leo, frightened, follows her from room to room asking what he has done. On Friday he says he is not sure he can stay.
In our first online session they each have their own window for speaking, with a written summary at the end. They agree a quiet hour every evening and a hand signal for ‘I need ten minutes’. By the second week the shutdowns are shorter, and they can talk about Leo’s doubts without either of them flooding.
I have presented this clinical example as a compound of 22 years of clinical practice.
You are both running on fumes, and nearly every exchange now ends in overload.
This is the point where meltdowns, shutdowns or sharp words have become a daily event, and one or both of you are wondering how much longer you can keep going.
When a neurodiverse relationship reaches this point, love is rarely what is missing. More often, two nervous systems have been overstretched for months, with no shared words for what is happening.
When the load gets too heavy, a dropped plan or a noise can spark a huge reaction. One of you erupts, or disappears into silence for hours, and the other feels scared or shut out.
We learn to read those reactions as overload signals rather than attacks, and plan how to bring them down fast.
Perhaps one of you has started browsing flats, or said ‘I can’t do this any more’. The other is in a panic.
We take the speed out of that decision until both of you understand what has been driving it.
A baby, a move abroad, a new job or a fresh diagnosis can wipe out the routines that kept daily life manageable.
We map what the change removed and rebuild just enough structure for both of you to breathe.
A blunt answer comes across as cold. A hint goes unnoticed. A simple request lands like criticism. Soon every exchange carries a sting.
I act as translator between your styles until what you mean and what you say line up again.
Often one partner holds the calendar, the reminders and the emotional weather for two. Exhaustion hardens into resentment, and resentment into crisis.
We redistribute the load in ways that respect how each of your brains actually works.
Tips like ‘just talk more’ or ‘look each other in the eye’ can backfire badly in a neurodiverse relationship.
I fit the method to you, not you to the method, and I explain the reason for each step.
If this is the two of you, request a call or book a session, whichever is easier for you both.
You can also send me an email
Tell me briefly what kind of support you are looking for.
Include your country and time zone so we can discuss whether online work together is possible and find a suitable time.
You do not need to explain your whole story in your first message.
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Lower the overload first. Understand each other second. Decide third.
Acute online neurodiverse couples therapy follows that order. We ease the strain on both nervous systems so the crisis stops fuelling itself, then trace the patterns that brought you here, and only then look at what each of you needs from the future.
We put a few clear agreements in writing for the coming days: quiet periods, a signal for overload and topics that are paused for now.
For many neurodiverse couples, clear structure calms things faster than any amount of talking.
Yes. You learn the early signs of flooding in yourself and in each other, and you agree a pause signal to use before things spill over.
We find a way of talking that suits both of you. That may mean written notes, plain words instead of hints, or time to think before answering.
After a meltdown or a shutdown, one person may need space and quiet while the other needs closeness and reassurance. We name those needs and agree how to meet both.
Large decisions get broken into small, concrete steps, with time for each of you to process. Nobody decides anything while flooded.
When things are calmer, many couples go on with online neurodiverse couples therapy at a gentler pace, or move to the ADHD, autism or AuDHD page that fits them best.
You can also send me an email
You do not have to explain a diagnosis or prove anything before we meet.
In the first sessions I listen to each of your accounts, look at how overload shows up for each of you and check that nobody is unsafe.
We write a calm plan for the coming days together, and I ask what each of you needs to take part comfortably on screen.
You both log in for two hours, with breaks whenever needed. I ask how things reached this point, what overload feels like for each of you and what you hope for.
We finish with a short written plan you can keep beside you.
Yes. You choose your own room, light and seating, and you can turn your camera off for a moment if you need to. Some people prefer to type their answers or take longer to reply. Just tell me what helps.
Usually soon, but it depends on my calendar that week. Check the booking page for the next open 2-hour slot, or send me a few lines about what is happening.
Each session lasts two hours, with pauses whenever you need them. In the first weeks we meet more often, and the gaps widen as the strain eases.
Getting a neurodiverse relationship out of crisis seldom happens in one meeting. A bundle lowers the price per session and gives you a predictable plan, which many neurodivergent people find calming. The bundle cards further down show the options.
Meltdowns and shutdowns come less often, you know how to recover after one and you can talk about the future without either of you being swamped.
Not sure this is your page? Here it is next to the closest options.
| Option | Choose it when | Pace |
|---|---|---|
| Acute online neurodiverse couples therapy (this page) | A neurodiverse relationship is near breaking point right now. | 2-hour sessions with breaks, frequent at first |
| Online neurodiverse couples therapy | Things are hard but not acute. | 2-hour sessions every few weeks |
| Acute online neurodiverse couples therapy alone | Your partner will not take part. | 1-hour sessions on your own |
| Acute online couples therapy | Neurodivergence is not central to the crisis. | 2-hour sessions, frequent at first |
It is focused couples work by video for a neurodiverse relationship near breaking point, where one or both partners are autistic, have ADHD or are AuDHD. The first aim is to lower the strain on both nervous systems. After that we look at the patterns behind the crisis. I offer it in English to couples anywhere in the world.
No. Many couples come with a suspicion, a recent diagnosis or a neurotype they have recognised in themselves. What matters is how your minds work day to day, not the paperwork.
No. I do not see either neurotype as the fault. Both of you have been adapting to each other, and both of you deserve to be understood.
That is common, and it can make a crisis more intense, because both nervous systems are strained at once. I shape the pace and structure around both of you.
Yes. Some couples share notes on screen or send me a few written lines before a session. Writing can slow things down in a helpful way and keep words from running away with you.
For many, easier. You stay in a familiar room, control the light and sound and can step away for a moment without fuss. If being on screen together is too much, you can join from two places.
Then the one who is willing can start alone. Acute online neurodiverse couples therapy alone is built for exactly that.
It varies. Some couples steady things in a few sessions, others need several weeks of closer support. We review together after each session.
Sessions are 2-hour online couples sessions, with breaks. Current fees, in US dollars, are on my prices page, and a therapy bundle saves you 10 per cent.
Book the first available 2-hour session directly, or ask for a free 30-minute call if you would like to talk first. If writing is easier, send me a message instead.
You can also send me an email
I want therapy to help you understand your experience and make choices you can use in everyday life. We pay attention to feelings, needs and the responses that happen before you have time to think.
Our online room should offer enough trust and honesty to explore what is difficult. I bring attention and professional judgement. You bring your experience, questions and the right to say when something does not fit.
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P.S. I’ll call you in a bit!
